SusiGo wrote:

Could it be that John went to his therapist because he wanted to speak to someone not personally connected to Sherlock's death and then found he wasn't able to talk to her simply because she was an outsider? Maybe he told her on the phone when making the appointment that there were things he wanted to tell her and to which she's referring here. 

"Stuff you wanted to say"--  when, when Sherlock was still alive, and John still had time to say it? When John called for his psychology appointment, thinking maybe he just needed to talk to someone, anyone? But then she goes on to say "but didn't say it."  To me, this lends credence to at least the idea that she means "say to Sherlock".

I realize we'll never know. Sigh.

I think it refers to what John has bottled up inside him regarding Sherlock's suicide but also his other unresolved issues with trust and his experiences in Afghanistan. She also asks him, 'Why now? It's been 18 months.' She is encouraging him to talk about his emotions, feelings, grief etc. this is 'the stuff'. Also things he may have wished to say to Sherlock when he was alive, especially before he jumped from the roof, that he didn't. In addition he may also feel that if he had said more, differently, then Sherlock would not have committed suicide.

SusiGo wrote:

Ah, I see what you mean. I didn't think about it that way but you can interpret it as "things he didn't say to Sherlock". However, I think it doesn't really fit with what John's comments at the grave.
Some things he says because he thinks Sherlock to be dead (Don't be dead/Stop this, etc.). As for the others ("I was so alone and I owe you so much.", etc.) - do you think he wished to say this while Sherlock was alive but didn't? I can't really imagine that although it that's what he feels. But Sherlock doesn't exactly invite such confessions. 

Exactly. Sherlock doesn't do that touchy-feely true confessions stuff, even when pressed to the wall, really, as he was in the AM scene in Hounds. While they were together, John couldn't shut up about how much he admired him and was in awe of him and his skills, but about the friendship/flatmate/companion/domestic thing, I think that was extremely awkward between them. Sherlock is not one for having a pint with his mates at the pub or going out golfing for an afternoon or even going to the movies to see the latest Batman flick, you know? He *does* have to eat, so sometimes it's "let's have dinner" or "there's a Chinese place down the street that stays open late", but that's about it. " I was so alone, and I owe you so much"?  That would have been a good start for John and what he "should have said," while Sherlock was still with him. So many people have gone through this-- losing a loved one and only then thinking of all the things left unsaid and undone. I presume this is what the psych lady was getting at.

Davina wrote:

In addition he may also feel that if he had said more, differently, then Sherlock would not have committed suicide.

I am a suicide survivor, or however you want to say it, since one of my older sisters, who was my 2nd mom, killed herself almost 15 years ago. I was the one who found her body, both after her 1st unsuccessful attempt (in my house!) and in her later successful attempt in her house. And I still have regrets about not having it out with her during that year between the two incidents. I know down deep that I probably could not have a changed a thing that happened, but still.... one always wonders. And the anger! Oh, talk about burning you to a crisp. So I do have some insight in what John would be going through. Poor man.

SusiGo wrote:

Ancientsgate, I am very sorry to hear this. Two years ago a friend of mine committed suicide. I not angry with her because I could understand her decision although I deeply regret losing her and wish so often I could see her again if only once. But the feelings of the survivors of course depend on the situation.

Yes, each situation is unique. When it's a family member, especially a parent (or in my case, a sibling who took the role of a parent throughout most of my life), it's pretty wrenching. The anger in my case came from her lying to me, lying to her psychiatrist, refusing to take her meds (none of which I realized until after her death), and her knowing full well that it would be me who would find her. I have to remind myself that what she did was not about me and my needs, but still and all, dealing with it is hard for those left behind, no matter the circumstances. My condolences about your friend. *hugs*

Sorry if this has already been discussed, but I'm curious.  What do people think is the timing of John's appointment with the therapist in TRF.  Does it occur soon after Sherlock's fall but before the graveyard scene?  What do people think she means when she says, "It's been 18 months...."

My take on this is that John, as we see him at the beginning of TRF, is with her soon after he's witnessed the fall - maybe within a few days of it.  Most likely just before the grave scene. The 18 months refers to the last time he was in her office at the beginning of aSiP - mainly because he had no more need of a therapist after meeting Sherlock and getting excitment back in his life.  All the events leading up to the fall took place 3 months earlier, making most of TRF a 3 month ago flash-back.

Also, I feel that John just couldn't unburden his thoughts on the what the loss of Sherlock meant to him personally to the therapist.  He was struggling to hold himself together as it was and just couldn't do it.  It was just too damn personal (besides, he has some trust issues, doesn't he, plus the fact that he knows Mycroft can get his hands on his records should he be so inclined).  Only at the grave when he was alone was able to speak from his heart.

The 18 months you can also clearly see in his blog.
In Dec. and Jan. he wrote something like:"Look Ella, I'm writing my blog" and "Nothing happens to me"
Then you have entrys until tjhe last one in June the next year: "He was my best friend and I'll always believe in him."

But I don`t really remember if was to his therapist before or after the graveyard scene.

He is speaking to his therapist at the start of the episode. Then the story flips back in time. Once Sherlock has committed suicide John is shown at the therapist's, which is the same occasion as is shown at the start of the episode, so we have caught up. Following that is when we see John and Mrs. Hudson travel to the graveyard. Finally John makes his speech at the graveside and Sherlock is shown in the distance, watching.

Lol. It's dusting. Dedusting would be...I don't know...putting the dust back on it?