Obviously we all face big steps in our lives and they are bigger when made with another person, bigger still when made with other people.
Re: marriage.
I never saw it as necessary, but my husband did.
At the time, I remember my boss saying to me(when I asked for the time off work)that the ceremony doesn't matter: you are married from the moment you decide to be together for the rest of your lives.
I understand it may be slightly different for religious people.
Although I don't have a romantic bone in my body, a piece of paper means nothing to me either.
I tend to feel if people want to stay togethere they will and if they don't they won't. 
Divorce stats seem to back this up.

Last edited by besleybean (July 13, 2016 7:19 am)

I'm still amazed how being single can be such a joy and such a pain in the ass.
Some days it makes me miserable to be single (not even bcs I'm so desperate for love, but bcs I start to feel like I'm missing out, deprived of making such life choices like marriage and kids while everyone else is going down that road...but then, I envy them the choice, not necessary the partner or kids. Is this weird? Wanting a choice, even if the answer might still be "I don't want to"?). On many occasions I like being on my own, but I'd prefer to be single in a society  where people don't judge you for it.
Somebody once told me "you'll never be happy on your own" and I thought "how would you know, having been in relationships all your life". Though that goes both ways, obviously.

Whisky wrote:

I'm still amazed how being single can be such a joy and such a pain in the ass.

Oh, but the same goes for being in a relationship. At least in my experience. Whatever your relationship status is, I think there always are good times and not so good times. I have been single until my early thirties, and I can't say that being in a relationship has made my life better or worse, just... different. Being happy isn't defined by your relationship status but by yourself. I really believe that. Someone to share your life with is a wonderful addition on so many levels, but it's not anybody else's responsibility to make you happy but your own.
And of course society shouldn't judge people because they're single or in a relationship with the 'wrong' person or because they decide for or against kids... but I suppose such a society is something of a utopia.
 

Last edited by SolarSystem (July 13, 2016 10:26 am)

Yes, we should try to be happy either way. But still, there is the happiness of being in love which I won't get in any other way - happiness yes, but not that special feeling, one of a kind. And the joy about being on my own which makes me happy precisely because there is noone else, like a happiness for independence.
For me this is a factor of happiness. I can be happy on my own or in a relationship, just the same... but it's not the same. My happiness is fuelled differently, so to say 

That's true, I know what you mean. 

If it means something to you, go for it. If not, that's fine too.
For me, I'm not so into weddings, certainly not the fancy ceremony part with the expensive party.

I guess while I was brought up around some people, like my parents and some of their friends, who had marriages, they also had friends who were single and happy. My mom even said that if she had not met my dad she would have been fine staying single her whole life.

I never really cared, though my Grandmother always says "Don't say that!" whenever I say that I might never get married and don't really care if I don't. It seems like a dire propositon to her, but not to me.

As some of you may know from things I have mentioned here, I have been in love only once in my life and she did not have those same feelings for me. For a while I was sad about this - I was in love after all. For a while I wished I had what Benedict and Sohpie had. Now it just makes me happy to see them happy instead of making me wish I had someone in addition to making me happy.
For me, being in love could be wonderful but could also be horribly painful. She didn't hurt me or was mean or anything - she was and still is one of my most trusted friends - but the feelings themselves hurt. It hurt when she was sad and I could do nothing about it, if hurt to be away from her, it hurt to feel so strongly for someone, not knowing what to say. Sometimes I would feel like a giddy schoolboy in spite of myself. But I cried so much during that time, certainly for the time we were in high school and the feelings were new. It was something new to me, but I do not think I miss it. I don't know if it's something I will ever feel for anyone again, maybe not even for another 16 or 17 years.  I have yet to form a bond like that with someone again and I am fine with that. I'm not ashamed or feel like I am missing something. Perhaps that has to do with being asexual and kind of interoverted, I don't know.

I have a friend who used to always say she was "forever alone" because she had no partner. It always annoyed me because it was ludicrous. She had me and all her other friends. She is far from alone. People shouldn't put romantic love on a pedestal above friendship. They are both ways in which we surround ourselves with people who make us happy and that is all that matters.

Last edited by Yitzock (July 13, 2016 2:11 pm)

One thing I have in mind is that we tend to end up single or dead.   I'm sorry to be so blunt.   Some people are single all along, but even the ones who stay in couples lose their partners unless they die before them.   Being single is something very normal and common.  

I think that shows how important your point about friendship is, Yitzock.  Even for people in long-term relationships, at some point that person may be gone and other relationships will be the primary ones.   And I also agree that romantic love, particularly that first flush of love, is put on a pedestal.   I'm sure there's some social reason for that!   But I think it causes all sorts of diffculties ... I was elaborating but have deleted as I don't want to go too far off topic!

Last edited by Liberty (July 13, 2016 9:06 pm)

Sorry, Vhanja, we cross posted.

Isn't that common elsewhere?!

Last edited by besleybean (July 13, 2016 5:44 pm)