BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Chit-chat

Davina · June 19, 2016 9:16 am

It is wonderful! Enjoy!

Yitzock · June 19, 2016 6:53 pm

Thanks everybody. Not to worry, we found where she put it. It was hiding in plain sight.

besleybean · June 19, 2016 6:53 pm

Of course it was. Ha.

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 20, 2016 8:15 pm

Maybe this is more of a 'rants' thing... but it just seems too ridiculous.

I recently learned that in kindergarten the teachers were concerned about me displaying 'lesbian behaviour'... I was 'dating' a girl. And apparently that was a big deal. They even had a talk with my mother to try to figure out where this behaviour came from and how it could be stopped.

Wow.

Well. turns out I'm pansexual and generally genderblind but darn it.

besleybean · June 20, 2016 8:17 pm

We can only hope times have moved on.

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 20, 2016 8:24 pm

I would hope so... I think these were the same teachers who forgot me outside in a wheelchair for hours when I had a broken leg and got stuck in a sand pit. I guess some concerns are greater than others. *rolls eyes*

Yitzock · June 20, 2016 8:26 pm

Oh my! I never would have thought anyone would take a kindergarten kid saying stuff like that seriously, regardless of what they really thought.

Last edited by Yitzock (June 20, 2016 8:28 pm)

ukaunz · June 20, 2016 9:44 pm

Goodness, that sort of thinking is from the dark ages. Apart from the obvious homophobia, it's ridiculous to be worrying about a child's sexuality at that age.

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 20, 2016 9:58 pm

Exactly! I know it's over 20 years ago... but I just... yeah. It seems ridiculous

ukaunz · June 20, 2016 10:07 pm

By the way, if anyone is interested in reading some new fanfic, hop over to the Midyear Fic Exchange thread where I've recently posted the first one. And if inspiration strikes, maybe you'd like to participate too? Read more here http://sherlock.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?pid=261016#p261016

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 25, 2016 11:12 pm

I need some relationship advice I guess, not sure if I want to start a thread for it... but just a quick question, especially to anyone who are a bit older than me and have some more experience...

Is it normal to have dips and lows in a long term relationship? My boyfriend has been annoying me all week... and we've talked it out... but I still feel a bit bleh.

In August we've been together for 2 years (still long distance due to economy)... and I will say in a heartbeat that I love him to bits. He's the best thing that ever happened to me, and normally he treats me so well, despite all my issues (that I am working on in therapy, and I've gotten a lot better already). But yeah... this week I'm just annoyed.

The thing is, I am still pretty 'weak' emotionally and it doesn't take much to convince my psyche that no one loves me... and I'd be better off alone with a cat and my Sherlock DVD's. He knows that... It was his Birthday last Sunday and I sent him a present, along with the cross stitch frames I had made for his coming niece... I found out he hadn't really bothered checking to see if it arrived yet (after me asking he told me) and I was so hurt. My mind immediately took it as proof that I didn't matter to him. Lets face it, had he sent me something I'd be checking the post office twice a day.

We talked it out... he told me why... he hadn't had the best Birthday, getting into arguments with some people etc... but yeah.

So ehm. These things happen?

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (June 25, 2016 11:15 pm)

Vhanja · June 25, 2016 11:33 pm

Yes, these things happen. I've been in a relationship for almost 12 years, and there are always ups and downs. However, every person and every couple is different. I've never doubted that he loved me and never doubted our relationship.

But my boyfriend do have psychological issue with angst and depression. So coming from the "other side", it can be quite weary and exhausting to alwyas be the understanding part. To always understand and show toleranse because he has these issues, even when they affect my life and our life together. That can become tiresome.

Not saying that is the issue between you and your boyfriend, I know nothing of your relationship. But, yes, in general, it's never a good idea to assume that your boyfriend will react to something the same way you do. That can only lead to disappointment.

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 25, 2016 11:47 pm

Thank you Vhanja, I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend, but he's lucky to have you!

Both of us are working on our relationship... we're both ill in our own ways, he has brain damage and PTSD... and I have been diagnosed with a personality disorder I can't remember the English name for... But it's basically 'cat lady syndrome' to say it a bit roughly. I have social anxiety, general anxiety, I don't trust human beings... most people with this actively chose to live alone and avoid making relations. so yeah... it's not really the best background to go into a relationship with.

But as my boyfriend says "normal is boring, and easy sucks".

I just have to 'get over' this thing. Who knows, maybe he forgot the parcel was coming, and he was too ashamed to admit it? He's sometimes ashamed of his brain damage and hates when he has forgotten something

Vhanja · June 25, 2016 11:53 pm

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I am boringly normal, which basically means I am left to be the understanding part. Which isn't always easy. I hope you guys work it out.

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 25, 2016 11:59 pm

I bet it is! Do you have somewhere to turn to for advice? I imagine it can be a bit lonely and stressful too

Vhanja · June 26, 2016 12:01 am

Well, I am also very loyal. So I don't go to my friends to talk about my boyfriend. I feel that his issues is between him and me.

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 26, 2016 12:10 am

yeah of course! But what about other places? Apparently some of the other patients at the therapy clinic I go to regularly bring their partners, and their partners also have solo appointments with the therapist...

Just, I can totally imagine it must be difficult to love someone who has these issues.

Vhanja · June 26, 2016 12:14 am

No... it's kind of complicated. I feel that I don't want to go too much into it, because it must be boring for other people to read, but... he just applied for another psychological evaluation, but was declined. Because he was "too healthy/sane". So we just cope. It's not too bad. After 12 years we know each other pretty well. And I have a close friend who is a psychologist herself. She has her own issues to deal with, and was married to a guy with much bigger issues than my boyfriend ever had. So can sort of talk to her. But I don't want to take advantage of her either. And I don't want to be disloyal.

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 26, 2016 12:39 am

I think you're very loyal, and it's amazing you have been together so long and going strong!
What about online support forums or something if stuff gets difficult?
But then again, you've been together so long, you must know each other by now, and I hope he is helping you help you. It's something I am learning to do with my boyfriend

Vhanja · June 26, 2016 12:42 am

Thank you.

Never thought of online support. I feel that his issues aren't as big as others, so I don't "qualify". it's trivial compared to what other people are going through.

And, yes, we do know each other and talk about it. And of course it's not only him - even though I don't have such issues, I probably have my sides that annoy him. As we all do. You just have to talk and communicate so that you can find a way forward.