Posted by saturnR  September 11, 2012 11:32 am | #1 |
I didn't write it. Just laughed my head off reading it:
"Texts From Last Night" by p.r. fox:
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
5:44 PM
We're out of milk.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
5:45 PM
I'll pretend that was a polite request that I buy some.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
5:46 PM
Good. Also, we need more poofarts.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
5:49 PM
Er. Sorry?
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
5:50 PM
What?
5:50 PM
Oh. Poptarts* rather. AutoCorrect is unreliable.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
5:51 PM
Never before have I wanted to say "lol" more than I want to right now.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
5:52 PM
Grow up.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
5:53 PM
Says the man well past the age of 22 who wants Poptarts.
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TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
10:21 PM
It was the penis butter! That's what poisoned her! You're closest to her flat—go back there and see if the seal on the container has been broken!
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
10:26 PM
I've hailed a cab and I'm headed for her flat. But I have to ask…what the hell is penis butter?
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
10:27 PM
For God's sake. Peanut butter*
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
10:28 PM
Oh, well that makes much more sense. I'm still laughing at you.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
10:29 PM
This is no laughing matter.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
10:30 PM
Please, you like to giggle at crime scenes. You're just angry because you can't figure out how to type on your iPhone.
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TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
11:55 AM
We will have to do dinner air sanitize time. We have a case.
11:56 AM
Another time* That one doesn't even make any sense.
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TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
3:01 PM
Don't text me for a while. I'm expecting anal from Lestrade.
3:01 PM
Damn it.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
3:02 PM
…are you now?
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
3:03 PM
I meant "a call" and you know it.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
3:04 PM
Of course. So girlfriends really aren't your area.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
3:05 PM
You're hilarious.
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TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
1:11 AM
No, no, that's not right. He always has condoms. Come back to 221B, I need to think aloud at you.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
1:12 AM
Let me guess. "Condoms" translates into "control"?
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
1:13 AM
Yes.
1:14 AM
And considering the fact that his DNA is shamelessly all over the crime scene, I think it's safe to assume he never has condoms.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
1:15 AM
Look at you, making jokes about your iPhone incompetence. This is a good sign.
1:16 AM
Although you do realize you made a joke about a rapist?
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
1:17 AM
Not good?
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
1:17 AM
Bit not good.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
1:20 AM
Sorry.
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TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
7:19 PM
Come downstairs. I'm nor'easter.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
7:23 PM
Okay. I give up. What was that supposed to be?
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
7:24 PM
"Bored". You might not want to come down after all. I may throw this godforsaken iPhone at you.
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TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
12:44 AM
JOHN IF YOU ARE AWAKE I NEED YOU TO TAKE A LOOK AT THE NEW FETUS IN THE KITCHEN, IT IS CRUCIAL AND I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE OF LONDON.
12:50 AM
Wake up!
12:54 AM
Never mind. Case solved. The hound was the key.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
8:03 AM
You're lucky I've learned to translate your bizarre AutoCorrect mishaps, Sherlock. Anyone else would have been alarmed to see that the first text of the day is you asking them to look at the new fetus in the kitchen.
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TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
11:03 AM
Don't be alarmed if Mycroft kidnaps you to some brand new palingenesis garage today when you get off work. He's eager to show off.
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
11:05 AM
Parking garage?
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
11:06 AM
I don't understand how AutoCorrect would ever assume I meant "palingenesis".
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
11:07 AM
You must say it a lot if it's getting so cocky about it.
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TXT MESSAGE FROM:
JOHN WATSON
4:31 PM
Has he been out of the country recently?
TXT MESSAGE FROM:
SHERLOCK HOLMES
4:31 PM
If you had glanced at his watch then you'd know he was in Times Derriere when his wife was murdered.
4:32 PM
TIMES SQUARE* I AM FINISHED WITH THIS USELESS PHONE. WE ARE SWITCHING OUT TONIGHT.
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Posted by Harriet September 11, 2012 11:53 am | #2 |
Nice and crazy 
Eventually everyone will support Johnlock. Independent OSAJ Affiliate
... but there may be some new players now. It’s okay. The East Wind takes us all in the end.
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Posted by Davina September 11, 2012 11:55 am | #3 |
Really funny and having an I-pad I know exactly how he feels. It comes up with the most bizarre words sometimes.
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Don't make people into heroes John. Heroes don't exist and if they did I wouldn't be one of them.
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Posted by SusiGo September 11, 2012 2:55 pm | #4 |
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"To fake the death of one sibling may be regarded as a misfortune; to fake the death of both looks like carelessness." Oscar Wilde about Mycroft Holmes
"It is what it is says love." (Erich Fried)
“Enjoy the journey of life and not just the endgame. I’m also a great believer in treating others as you would like to be treated.” (Benedict Cumberbatch)
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Posted by Sherli Bakerst September 12, 2012 12:19 am | #5 |
I enjoyed that! 
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Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. -- Helen Keller
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Posted by Wholocked September 12, 2012 12:26 am | #6 |
Bwahaha that was awesome.
ETA: It would be good if you could post a link to the fan fic, rather than copy/pasting it. Funnily enough, those who spend time writing these things get a bit precious about their work being displayed without proper credit
Last edited by Wholocked (September 12, 2012 12:27 am)
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I dislike being outnumbered. It makes for too much stupid in the room
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Posted by sherlockedkt September 16, 2012 12:01 am | #7 |
That was really hysterical. I was snorting...
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Posted by NW16XE September 16, 2012 2:23 am | #8 |
I now want Poptarts....
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What do 'real' people have, then, in their 'real' lives?
So we go round the sun; if we went round the moon, or round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it wouldn't make any difference.
The consolation of imaginary things is not imaginary consolation. -- Roger Scruton
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Posted by veecee September 16, 2012 3:20 am | #9 |
LOL
My husband sent me a photo of something nice and was puzzled by my return text of "Poo!"
(It was supposed to be "Ooh!")
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Posted by Davina September 16, 2012 1:34 pm | #10 |
When I try and text 'just a mo' it always changes it to 'just a month'. Not quite the same thing really is it! It also continually tries to tell me my name is Sabina...b....y cheek!
By the way has anyone else found themselves talking to phone/I-pad etc. along the lines of, 'No! Not .....whatever word it has decided should be there....I meant....whatever word you wanted to be there'? 'Stupid thing!'
Last edited by Davina (September 16, 2012 1:36 pm)
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Don't make people into heroes John. Heroes don't exist and if they did I wouldn't be one of them.
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Posted by NW16XE September 16, 2012 2:20 pm | #11 |
Davina wrote:
When I try and text 'just a mo' it always changes it to 'just a month'. Not quite the same thing really is it! It also continually tries to tell me my name is Sabina...b....y cheek!
By the way has anyone else found themselves talking to phone/I-pad etc. along the lines of, 'No! Not .....whatever word it has decided should be there....I meant....whatever word you wanted to be there'? 'Stupid thing!'
Disable the spellcheck. It makes life with iPad simpler.
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What do 'real' people have, then, in their 'real' lives?
So we go round the sun; if we went round the moon, or round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it wouldn't make any difference.
The consolation of imaginary things is not imaginary consolation. -- Roger Scruton
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Posted by butterfly grl August 20, 2013 11:25 pm | #12 |
I'm in the library, covering my mouth, trying desperately not to laugh loud enough to annoy those around me.
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Beware of dragons for you are crunchy and go well with ketchup
Dr. Horribles sing along blog
You people all have to learn
This world is going to burn
Burn
(yeah, it’s two r’s. H, O, R, R, yeah right.)
Burn
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Posted by Russell August 21, 2013 4:25 am | #13 |
I'm in the library, covering my mouth, trying desperately not to laugh loud enough to annoy those around me.
And I'm at my desk, giggling like crazy and thanking you for seeing/bumping this thread up again, as I didn't see it last fall when arrived! Oh, all the good threads I probably missed because the archive was a tad daunting... 
and oh my.... I wish it kept going! 
Reminds me of one of my most favorite 'John's blog' entries, when the boys get into similar hilarious 'pings' with each other: http://www.johnwatsonblog.co.uk/blog/12march
I'm sure I'm not the only one who loves picturing the mundane/silly daily quips, or while reading, mentally pictured them typing from wherever they were, and automatically hearing the words in their own voices or the looks being given. Also... 'fetus'? Wha...??
_________________________________________________________________________
We solve crimes, I blog about it, and he forgets his pants. I wouldn't hold out too much hope!
Just this morning you were all tiny and small and made of clay!
I'm working my way up the greasy pole. It's… very greasy. And… pole-shaped.
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Posted by Mattlocked August 21, 2013 6:16 am | #14 |
Oh, I didn't see this before.
Yesterday I made a suggestion to my sister via WhatsApp.
She answered "Oekonomisch" (economic).
I was wondering what that was meant to be. She wanted to write "ok.". Simple. 
My friend sent me a recipe, salad with "design and oil".
It was ment to be "essig and oil" (vinegar).
I told her I would love a design salad!
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"After all this time?" "Always."
Good bye, Lord Rickman of the Alan
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Posted by Jonquille August 21, 2013 6:44 am | #15 |
I'm discovering all of it as well, and the people around me are simply wondering why I've been giggling like a silly girl for the last 5 minutes !
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Alone is what I have. Alone protects me.
Not a fan.
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Posted by SolarSystem August 21, 2013 7:07 am | #16 |
I'm discovering all of it as well, and the people around me are simply wondering why I've been giggling like a silly girl for the last 5 minutes !
Same here. Should never read stuff like that while at work... 
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"Am I the current King of England?
"I see no shame in having an unhealthy obsession with something." - David Tennant
"We did observe." - David Tennant in "Richard II"
