Now I'm really emotional. That's beautiful xx

Aw, you made me nearly tear up, SH!      

::sniff::
 

Sherlock Holmes wrote:

To commemorate this sad event, I wrote a little blog post for John:

It's hard to believe it's been two years since Sherlock died.

In some ways, it's gone really amazingly fast. In others, it's dragged, the days seeming like one long never ending trudge through life.

It's not been easy. Sherlock left such an impression on my world, it's not the kind of thing you can just get up and walk away from. He was my best friend, the bestest friend I've ever had, and I still miss him terribly.

I'd like to be able to sit here and say that I'm over it, that I'd moved on with my life, but it doesn't quite work like that. There's not a day goes by when I don't think of him. Everything just bloody well reminds me of him!

I'll see people on my way to work and try and look at them the way he would, see what I can "deduce" about them. Mostly nothing, as it goes, but I always try.

And everyone still talks about him of course, asks me questions about him, wanting to know what he was like to live with. I don't mind answering. I tell them he was a great guy, the best I've ever met. I don't mention any of the annoying aspects of his personality. I want people to remember him for all the good he did. I know he wasn't a fake. I'm not some kind of idiot. I know all that stuff he said to me when...on the...it was all just bullshit, lies. I don't know why he said it, I don't know why he did it. There's so much I don't understand about the damn thing and that's what's so bloody frustrating.

I tell everyone, anyone, anyone who'll listen. That he wasn't a liar or a fraud. I tell them the truth, I tell them about the Sherlock Holmes I knew. I know he told me to do the exact opposite but there's no way in hell I'm going to go about supporting those lies Moriarty was spreading and doing exactly what the arsehole wanted us to do. No way. Moriarty can feck off. And he has, thank God. I don't know what happened between them up on that rooftop. I just know that Moriarty must have forced him into it somehow. Sherlock wouldn't just...do that. It's just so not like him. That's not the Sherlock Holmes I knew.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but that's so easy for me to do where Sherlock's concerned. Another reason why none of my dates ever went particularly well. They were even worse immediately after he died. It took me a while to actually get round to dating again, to be honest, but when I finally did, he was all I could talk about, and the girls soon got sick of that.

Then I met Mary. She's an amazing woman. I never thought I deserved someone like her but, she seems to be very tolerant to my occasional talk about Sherlock. OK, it's more than occasional. But, her father died recently, she knows what it's like to lose someone you love, and she's been very understanding. In fact, so understanding she asked me to marry her the other day. I'm really chuffed. I know it's not exactly the done thing - the woman proposing to the man rather than vice versa - but that pretty much sums up Mary in a nutshell. She plays by her own rules, makes up her own mind. That's what I love about her.

I sometimes wonder what Sherlock would think of her. I like to imagine she'd get his approval, but who am I kidding, that's probably only wishful thinking. Still though, she's not like any of my previous girlfriends. She's headstrong and smart and funny and clever and beautiful. I honestly think there's a chance Sherlock might have liked her. It really chokes me up inside that he couldn't be there to see me get married. He would have been my best man, obviously. I'm not sure who I'll ask. Still, not for a while yet. Plenty of time to think of a few choices. Mary wants a winter wedding, around Christmastime hopefully.

I'm not sure whether I believe in heaven and all that, but I still go to Sherlock's grave every couple of weeks and have a little chat to him. So, if you can hear me Sherlock, this one's for you - I miss you, more than you could possibly imagine. Life's really not the same without you. You're my hero, Sherlock. You always have been, you always will be. And I'll always believe in you, no matter what.

Meh!! The emotions!!