BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Free Rants

Banbha · October 10, 2012 1:13 pm

Davina wrote:
Perhaps spend a bit of time doing the following:
1: what was it that originally meant the two of you disliked each other? Were there specific incidents? If so, what were they? Was it an equally mutual dislike?
2: what happened to change your relationship over the last year or so? Why have you been getting on ok now, when you didn't before?
3: how did it happen that you decided to go on the trip to Ireland with this particular guy? Did it just kind of evolve or was there a particular catalyst?
4: try and analyse what it is that doesn't feel right.
5: Has a similar thing happened before? Why are you a pessimist...is it because then you can avoid being too disappointed by things, when/if they go wrong?
6: is it absolutely necessary that he is the person you go to Ireland with? Are you worried things might go awry between you when you are there, even if nothing goes wrong beforehand? Although you really want to go to Ireland are you also a bit anxious about the trip? Have ground rules for the trip been drawn out?

All good points.

I'm not sure why we originally didn't get along. It started out that we did just fine, then some incident happened. Long story short, he's not the most caring and compassionate person. He's not mean he just...doesn't really care. If that makes sense. I have no idea why we get along now. I think because we started talking again and realized that we actually amuse one another. We have fun. His personality still irritates me so that could be part of what doesn't feel right. I don't trust him, and I've told him this. I know that I won't be unsafe with this person (he's not going to allow something to happen to me over there), so really it shouldn't matter as long as my expectations for anything besides a superficial friendship are low. We decided to go on a whim and really, I don't have any other single friends, so I either go with him or alone. I'm a pessimist about certain things because I don't want to be hurt or disappointed. I think what it boils down to is I'm not sure I'm okay with someone who thinks of friendship on such a superficial level. I mean, I don't even know if he wants to go with me or if he just wants to go. I suppose if we were both guys it wouldn't matter. As a female, those things actually matter. If I spend time with someone I want that someone--male or female--to actually want to be around me.

Last edited by Banbha (October 10, 2012 1:17 pm)

Banbha · October 10, 2012 1:14 pm

PS I'm sitting here looking up other vacations, just in case I need to ditch this one and set out on my own. For example, Buenos Aires sounds wonderful in March--much warmer than Michigan!

Davina · October 10, 2012 1:25 pm

Couldn't you do Ireland on your own? It won't be as warm as Argentina though!

Banbha · October 10, 2012 2:11 pm

I don't really wanna go alone. Besides, he'd still go even without me. It's silly. I think I probably just need to grow up; no one is exactly as we wish them to be and I can't change anyone so...

Mattlocked · October 10, 2012 2:51 pm

How long are you planning to go?

Davina · October 10, 2012 2:52 pm

Been to the vets with a dog who got a piece of bone stuck over his bottom back teeth. Pretty much as we entered the waiting room he jumped around and rubbed his face so much at the thought of eating a cat that was in a cage, the piece of bone flew out of his mouth! Still upside is no damage done to dog or cat and the vet didn't charge me...not really a full rant as you can see.

NW16XE · October 10, 2012 3:55 pm

Banbha, how much do you not trust him? Is it a don't trust him to stick to your plans sort of thing, or don't trust him not to make off with your traveler's cheques and return ticket?

veecee · October 10, 2012 6:39 pm

Davina wrote:
Been to the vets with a dog who got a piece of bone stuck over his bottom back teeth. Pretty much as we entered the waiting room he jumped around and rubbed his face so much at the thought of eating a cat that was in a cage, the piece of bone flew out of his mouth! Still upside is no damage done to dog or cat and the vet didn't charge me...not really a full rant as you can see.

Animals add so much to our lives! GROSS ALERT: I once got all worried because my cat swallowed a tamarind seed whole. (They're pretty big.) My husband pointed out that it was the same cat that once threw up a whole bird in our bedroom, so there was probably no cause for alarm. He was right.
Anyone who has never had a pet couldn't possibly understand why we put up this stuff.

veecee · October 10, 2012 6:42 pm

Banbha, maybe you could take a short trial trip together before you take the big step of flying overseas. Maybe up to the UP or soemthing like that. (If he's a Sherlock fan, you can visit me in Ann Arbor.) It's a lot of money and vacation time to take a chance on.

Banbha · October 10, 2012 9:53 pm

Davina wrote:
Been to the vets with a dog who got a piece of bone stuck over his bottom back teeth. Pretty much as we entered the waiting room he jumped around and rubbed his face so much at the thought of eating a cat that was in a cage, the piece of bone flew out of his mouth! Still upside is no damage done to dog or cat and the vet didn't charge me...not really a full rant as you can see.

Awww, poor dog! But I'm glad it resolved itself. It's always nice when that happens and you don't end up having to pay the big bill!

Banbha · October 10, 2012 9:54 pm

Mattlocked wrote:
How long are you planning to go?

Ten days.

Banbha · October 10, 2012 9:59 pm

NW16XE wrote:
Banbha, how much do you not trust him? Is it a don't trust him to stick to your plans sort of thing, or don't trust him not to make off with your traveler's cheques and return ticket?

Neither of those. I don't trust him with my feelings. He simply doesn't care if he hurts or disappoints someone. I feel like, if I know how he is, I should be fine as long as I don't expect much from him. But the thing is that I do care about if I hurt or disappoint someone. It upsets me very much. It's very difficult for me to be around this type of person. Or maybe I want him to care about me more than he does. I don't know. I just know that I decide everything is fine and move forward and then go right back to feeling anxious about all of it. I can't get rid of that feeling.

NW16XE · October 10, 2012 11:07 pm

I'm not saying change your plans; but feelings I can't get rid of are always, in my experience, the ones I really wish I'd listened to and not rationalized about.

Banbha · October 10, 2012 11:14 pm

NW16XE wrote:
I'm not saying change your plans; but feelings I can't get rid of are always, in my experience, the ones I really wish I'd listened to and not rationalized about.

I know. I agree.

veecee · October 10, 2012 11:23 pm

Banbha wrote:
NW16XE wrote:
I'm not saying change your plans; but feelings I can't get rid of are always, in my experience, the ones I really wish I'd listened to and not rationalized about.
I know. I agree.

Just think if someone else were telling you the same story. You might say, "Why would you want to spend 10 days with someone who makes you feel bad, for whatever reason?"

Banbha · October 10, 2012 11:35 pm

veecee wrote:
Banbha wrote:
NW16XE wrote:
I'm not saying change your plans; but feelings I can't get rid of are always, in my experience, the ones I really wish I'd listened to and not rationalized about.
I know. I agree.
Just think if someone else were telling you the same story. You might say, "Why would you want to spend 10 days with someone who makes you feel bad, for whatever reason?"

Yeah... I know. I do. I am the most stubborn person I know and I really want to go on vacation. I do know better though, I think I just need the guts to pull the trigger.

veecee · October 11, 2012 12:48 am

Nothing is stopping you from going on vacation. You just don't have to go with him.

Mattlocked · October 11, 2012 6:08 am

I was asking "how long" because it's a difference of course if you go for a week or, let's say, three months.
Two weeks could be possible to manage, but if something gets worse right at the beginning two weeks can be a really long time, too... Difficult. And telling yourself: Soon we are back home, soon we are back home - that's no relaxing vacation.

Molly Hooper · October 11, 2012 9:29 pm

I am in so much trouble. I just got my braces off a month ago so I've been wearing plastic retainers at night. I didn't put them in last night because I was late back form some place but when I got home from guides today I found that they had been mangled by my dog. I can already feel my teeth sliding into their former position and there's no way I'm getting braces on again (NHS won't do it twice). Normally she'll just yell like a typical Mum but tonight she hasn't said anything at all, she hasn't even come to check I'm in bed (and not on my laptop!). I'm as good as dead! If I'm not on here tomorrow; call the police, OK?

Davina · October 12, 2012 8:01 am

Don't panic. You just have to get back in touch with the orthodontist and they will make another set of retainers. It doesn't take long and hopefully you won't have to pay for them. My daughter is very naughty and won't wear her retainers any more, having lost two sets!!! You might feel that your teeth are slipping back but they probably aren't just yet. The first time my bad girl lost hers she didn't tell me for well over a week, so by the time the new ones were ready and fitted it was two weeks and her teeth hadn't moved back at all.

If you are not on here later we shall all panic though!!