Way to panic a parent!

Yikes! 

And lice is horrible as well. It's one of my worst fears; I had them when I was younger, and last time I was at a hairdresser the young woman sitting next to me got sent home when the hairdresser found lice. I nearly freaked out. (I've got very long and thick hair... I'd never get rid of them again!)

I remember when I had it as a kid mum put all my clothes and bed spreads in the freezer even... 

thanks...


Ugh. I've spent the day distracting myself quite well... I cleaned my flat finally... I decorated for Halloween... I wrote a chapter on my fanfic, watched a re-run of Sherlock on the telly and all...

But what I was 'running' from is catching up with me. I have a meeting tomorrow morning with my case worker and some 'experts' about my case about whether I'll be put in the process for job training, halftime jobs, limited working hours or a full early pension... 

My therapist has made a statement that I am unfit for work and my doctor said she struggled to see a job I could handle physically or mentally. A physiotherapist observed me have a few panic attacks as they offered me some sessions with her in a fitness center despite my doctor's warnings and has added that to my case... 

What I'm ranting about is to once again have to sit in front of a group of strangers and explain what happened to me and why I can never be a normal citizen again... 

I am trying hard to not psyche myself up, and just show up and see what happened... but it's not easy. And my personal' caseworker is a disaster despite being nice. 

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (October 2, 2016 5:53 pm)

We had technicians in our house today who had to put in new cables in every of the 8 flats. We live at the top (which is actually nice) and around 9am they knock on our door to inform us that the mother and son living below our flat refuse to let them into their flat, so they wouldn't be able to put the cable in beyond second floor. UGH!!
In the end they could somehow be persuaded to let them in, but they insisted they used another wall for the cable holes, so they had to do everthing new in all the flats, because the cable uses the same shaft / holes for all flats on all floors. They spent so much time argueing and doing everything new, just because my neighbours have some kind of problem. So frustrating!

Ugh, that sounds really frustrating indeed!


I'm just angry with myself right now... I'm pretty worn out, emotionally as well as physically. I've still not had a full nights sleep for weeks... I had that meeting Monday where I ended up crying (the outcome was okay-ish though... I'll get the next 5 years of 'sick' leave and higher benefits to 'get better' (which I know I wont do) and I'll even be put in touch with a person who can help me with my affairs and shopping etc... (which is also a bit scary))

My best friend isn't too well mentally recently... I've been with her for some days and we've had some fun but yeah, that didn't help me. And I know she needs more help than what I can do for her, but she is hard to convince. 

Yesterday I had a public panic attack... a group of guys crossed over to the sidewalk I was on and somehow I managed to end up in the middle and it triggered me. Of course my phone stopped working just when I needed it to contact my boyfriend

And yeah... I canceled therapy today. I managed to get dressed, even took a shower and got out of the door... but I ended up getting my hair dyed instead. I had planned to do that tomorrow... but when I was able to get a morning appointment right away today I called and cancelled therapy. 
And my therapist is really worried now, and have sent me emails asking what's wrong and I can't even explain myself properly.  

 

Wow. *shakes head in embarrassment*

Oooh, Well there's worse things you could do! 

Sorry you had a bad day though!

 

Okay. I'm p*ssed. Livid even. 

I'm in the process of finding out how to contact the national minister that handles mental help in this stupid country. 

My best friend is mentally ill and is currently at a mental hospital... I visited her today. after a week or more (I can't remember how long right now, actually, ugh. I have to check back on that if I do write to the minister!) she's been held at the Psych ER in a tiny little room she is sharing with other people... she's not being treated at all, she's only being held and she's doing really poorly... but because she's not a danger to others she isn't a priority. 

The security is horrible. I waltzed right in, never spoke to the staff at all and left unseen too. Because it's an ER it's difficult for her to have people visiting as there's barely anywhere you can be, or is allowed to be as a guest... 

She's allergic to the bracelet they put on her, but no one noticed, and it comes off without any trouble too...

This situation has made her so much worse. She wants to go home and I can't blame her. Her boyfriend has been amazing visiting her every day, and he is going to try to talk to someone in charge today... I just have a feeling it won't work. 


My friend who was attacked and attempted raped two months ago hasn't seen a therapist yet. She's on a waiting list and still have to wait 3 more months. The reason why is the worst I've ever heard. They are implementing new IT systems so yeah... they don't have time for her. This is a critical time for her treatment and she's very affected. More than she will admit. 

And she's reached a point where she is wondering if therapy will even help at all. I keep telling her it will. and I try to give her some advice from my own therapy...


It hurts so much not being able to do more. 


And it's not like I've not dealt with my fair share of cr*p with this system myself... 

When I asked for help I was told at the psych clinic that I'd be put at the bottom of the waiting list; after I told them my problems were with past abuse the word was "well, you've survived for so long... maybe it's not that important then". And then they sent me home for 6 months and my mental health got so much worse. 

One night going to the psych ER because I was suicidal... when I finally saw someone it was clear they wanted me out of there. I got seen by a doctor who seemed to have rolled out of bed, he didn't ask before touching me and pulling out my shirt to listen to my heart etc. 

And then they sent me home with a 'sleeping' pill and told me not to read up on it until the morning. Turns out it was an anti-manic thing. 


Someone once said we had one of the best mental health systems in the world. We don't. We really don't. 

I'm sorry to hear about those things all going on at once, that always seems to make everything even more stressful than just one of them on its own.  I hope your dog will be OK.

Sending strengths your way, Phantom...
If you feel lonely, rant away here.