BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Free Rants

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 7, 2016 10:53 pm

Sorry to hear you didn't sleep well either, Little Weed! I hope you get some proper rest soon. Allergies are no fun!
And neither is PTSD, sorry... I suffer as well... I'm finally trying to get some therapy but I've been on a waiting list for 8 months already... I've suffered from I was 13 at least... so I was the one who saw the symptoms with my BF, He got into therapy the week after I told him to get help... I just wish it helped him more.
It physically hurts that I can't help him more... he lives in Holland... and getting an email like that is just... meh. I'm happy he told me though, and it's touching to know I'm the one he reaches for...
I just do wish I could be there for real.

Little Weed · February 8, 2016 12:26 am

This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:
Sorry to hear you didn't sleep well either, Little Weed! I hope you get some proper rest soon. Allergies are no fun!
And neither is PTSD, sorry... I suffer as well... I'm finally trying to get some therapy but I've been on a waiting list for 8 months already... I've suffered from I was 13 at least... so I was the one who saw the symptoms with my BF, He got into therapy the week after I told him to get help... I just wish it helped him more.
It physically hurts that I can't help him more... he lives in Holland... and getting an email like that is just... meh. I'm happy he told me though, and it's touching to know I'm the one he reaches for...
I just do wish I could be there for real.

Awww. You'll get there... Many hugs.

nakahara · February 9, 2016 10:34 am

When your days passs away quickly, filled with useless twaddle:

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 10, 2016 9:04 pm

Monday I sent a very difficult email to the school I went to as a kid... In a way I don't know if I can expect an answer, or how they can even answer it.

I didn't mean to send it... I just needed to write it. I described the years of bullying and 'other' things I was put through there and how no one noticed that I wasn't okay... when I was everything but... How a lot of the bullying has happened right in front teachers who didn't intervene...

And what effect it has had on my life, even today... it's pretty dramatic to say so, but it ruined my life... and I am trying to work on getting better (yay, finally got through the looong waiting list for therapy)...

I actually ended up with a pretty coherent email, despite my anger and all... so I sent it. I sent it via my fake email account under a different name though, and made them aware of that too... I don't quite know why I did that.

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 12, 2016 4:43 pm

I haven't heard from them yet, not one line to tell me they at least read it.

I don't what I expect to get out of this... and I can accept it would take a while to formulate an answer...

And what do you even say to that?

But yeah... it's only been 5 days right.

And then again... would sorry be enough? I won't go into details here, but it's some pretty messed up sh*t I went through there, and outside of school... it's a pretty gruesome accusation of neglect, though I am not threatening anything... I just simply wanted to get it out of my system...

Yitzock · February 12, 2016 5:02 pm

I can understand why you wanted to get it out, whether it was just for yourself or to have someone else read it, too. Sometimes we do things, like send messages we initially don't intend to, for a reason we don't know or can't explain or just simply don't have, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I was bullied, too, when I was a kid (especially around 12-14, maybe even a bit when I was 11 - and even before then, when I look back, I had one particularly toxic friendship, though I didn't realize how toxic it was at the time), and while having a strong friend group in high school helped to heal and I don't really think about those days much anymore, they still affected me and I think I still can sometimes have distrust in people and anxiety about people that contains echoes from those days. It took me a while to trust people very well and not revert to my defense mechanisms for the first year or two of high school. I was afraid of people turning on me like they did when I was younger...I guess occasionally I still am.

I remember one of the times, I was talking to a teacher I trusted and she knew I was being bullied and she asked me what she should do about it. I remember not being able to answer. I think I said "Tell them to stop," or something like that, but does that really work? (In the end, for me, no matter who I told about what was being done to me, there wasn't really anything they did. Nobody could make them stop.) Really, I don't know what there is to do about something like bullying, or whether apologies are enough at all, so I don't think I can help you find an answer there. It's such a strange thing in a way, having fathomable effects but solutions that are difficult to find. Plus, some of the people who bullied me were the same kids who did anti-bullying presentations for the rest of the school.

I hope whatever happens, whether you get a response or not, and whatever the response is if you get one, that you are able to continue to try and move forward despite the effects that those past events have had on you.

Last edited by Yitzock (February 12, 2016 5:06 pm)

besleybean · February 12, 2016 5:13 pm

I feel your pain ladies, so I don't want to belittle your circumstances.
But your stories did remind me of the one time in my childhood, well, youth I suppose where I was bullied.
Me being me, I was so oblivious, I didn't really realise I was being bullied---until it was over!
As usual it was my mother that gave me a sound analysis of the situation.
I need to say that at school I was an absolute teacher's pet.
Plus, my form class, was right next to the head of year's office.
Then, she had worked with me in a school production.
Finally, my desk was right by the classroom door.
So consequently, every time she wanted a job doing, she just stuck her head in the door and hollered for me.
I think this made me a tad unpopular with some of my peers.
There was a lad in my class, who I hadn't been aware of previously.
I started noticing him, making snide comments, brushing past me etc...
Once we were all standing at the bus stop together: one of his gang(who I'd known for years)started having a go at me.
Well this lad went absolutely beserk at him and shouted: you just leave her right alone or I'll smack you one.
Everybody jut stood there gobsmacked.
I didn't know why, but the unwanted attention stopped.
When I told my Mum about the situation, she said: Simple. He fancied you, knew he had absolutely no chance with you, so his affection turned to frustration, which turned to antagonism...however he couldn't stand when one of his boys had a go at you. He lost his cool, let his true feelings show and in the process lost his cover, losing complete face with the whole of his gang.

Last edited by besleybean (February 12, 2016 5:14 pm)

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 12, 2016 5:23 pm

Sorry for your experiences too

And I don't want to belittle anything either, because bullying is bad however it happens...
But in my case it was very severe bullying, it was physical, mental... sexual... it was was every day, and I went home to my mother who did the very same to me... It was from my first day of school until the last one... and no one intervened.
Teachers here are provided by law to report any little hint of child abuse... but they refused to see anything.

It was easier to just pretend the problem didn't exist.

ugh. sorry. I'm not well these days.

besleybean · February 12, 2016 5:25 pm

I think it's horrendous that you were so badly let down by the system.
Worse still by your family.

Yitzock · February 12, 2016 5:37 pm

Yeah, that's really bad that there was nobody to help you with that abusive situation, that a system put in place to help you failed you and that your family also was a negative force. I'm glad you are still here despite it all.

Last edited by Yitzock (February 12, 2016 5:39 pm)

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 12, 2016 5:42 pm

Sorry if it sounded like I didn't take your situation serious btw...

I am looking forward to starting therapy next week... while I'm so scared of it too... but I think it's about time I start to deal with some of it. I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately which made me remember even more things I had repressed...

besleybean · February 12, 2016 5:44 pm

Yep, I hope this will help.

Yitzock · February 12, 2016 5:50 pm

This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:
Sorry if it sounded like I didn't take your situation serious btw...

I am looking forward to starting therapy next week... while I'm so scared of it too... but I think it's about time I start to deal with some of it. I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately which made me remember even more things I had repressed...

If that first statement was directed at me, then don't worry - I didn't think that.

As for being both looking forward and being scared of something that you are going to do, that is not unheard of. I know it's happened to me as well. Sometimes it's from uncertainty, sometimes it's because sometimes even the things we want to do or know we need to do are not always easy. Best of luck.

Little Weed · February 12, 2016 6:32 pm

This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:
Sorry if it sounded like I didn't take your situation serious btw...

I am looking forward to starting therapy next week... while I'm so scared of it too... but I think it's about time I start to deal with some of it. I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately which made me remember even more things I had repressed...

Ah repressed memories and flashbacks are such a strange thing because it really is like chunks of your life are missing, and they ping up at such random times.

Many hugs for you Phantom.

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 12, 2016 7:47 pm

Thanks, and yeah the flashbacks are so darn strange really... but yeah. I wish stuff stayed hidden, but there's things we can't control in life... and hopefully I can start to work on it soon and get better!

besleybean · February 12, 2016 7:58 pm

Indeed.
I have one horrible incident from my childhood which occasionllay comes back to me...I just have to remember I was a child and knew no better

Lilythiell · February 13, 2016 5:30 pm

Hugs to everyone who has been in the situation of being bullied - I sure as hell did not notice it either. Well, I did. 15 years later. Either I was too thick or too emotionally disconnected to understand it. I suspect the latter.

Wish I were still able to repress those stupid emotions. They hurt.
They did not when I was not aware of them.

On another note, Phantom : your patience has been rewarded. Yay!

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 13, 2016 9:33 pm

* hugs * I'm sorry for you too Lily. Bullying is horrible.

I'm at my mums house right now... The school is 500 meters away and of course the dog wanted to go that way when I walked him. I actually felt sicker the closer I got to the building. WTF. The dog wasn't amused though...

Lilythiell · February 14, 2016 1:16 am

Hope you're feeling better.
It's all in the past. Even if knowing it on a rational level does not mean that you have processed it...It does help to come to terms with something when it is first put on a rational level.

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 17, 2016 9:21 am

I'm on my way to see my doctor, I think I actually broke my wrist on Friday. GAH.