BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Free Rants

Lilythiell · January 27, 2016 5:02 pm

Thanks, Harriet.
I knew that, yes...I'm very aware that 3 hours and/or some rest is better than nothing, but...
I refuse to take any sort of medication to help me sleep -don't want to put my brain on stand-by again and fall off yet another bandwagon.

I know that better times will come, but it just doesn't look that way when one's...down. I mean, I know if I use my brain for half a second that it will get better, but I can't ...believe it, if that makes sense?
Bit like the struggle of understanding why people like you and what they can possibly find interesting in you.

Harriet · January 27, 2016 5:14 pm

You know what? I think you're in need of another hug

(((((HUG))))

Any RL one who supports you in this distressing period?

SusiGo · January 27, 2016 5:21 pm

So sorry to hear you are feeling awful, Lily. Let me send you a hug. Try to use the night to get some rest. And if you are feeling down making yourself a gift like the Sherlocked ticket is the right thing to do. You deserve it.
(((hug)))

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 27, 2016 5:41 pm

*Big hugs from me as well Lily* I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time.
If you want to talk you can always PM me.
I know about feeling guilty about spending money, I did that with my London trip to see Hamlet... though, that was also for how I got the money for that...
But you know what, you deserve to have a good time! You need something to look forward to.

I have a bit of a rant too... about myself. I broke a promise to myself last night and I hate myself now.

Lilythiell · January 27, 2016 5:48 pm

Thank you ladies.
Hugs are always appreciated.

I don't know anyone to help me out IRL - I know that I could in theory talk with my Mum, but I don't want to bring her down as well.
I'll just distract myself. Stop thinking for a while.
My God how do I turn that thing off??

Phantom, I know all too well the feeling of breaking a promise made to oneself. If you need to talk, well. Don't hesitate to PM me.

Yitzock · January 27, 2016 5:54 pm

Sending you my love, Lily. Sorry to hear there are many things bothering you at once. I hope that you enjoyed the convention, anyway. Even if you feel bad about the money, I think it's good for you to have something to look forward to that will be fun, like the others have already said.

As for breaking promises to yourself, Phantom, I know what that feels like. It's aggravating, but I think it's important to forgive yourself and I hope you can do that.

mrshouse · January 27, 2016 6:04 pm

Aw, big hugs from me too for Lily and Phantom...
I know you are strong ladies!
(((((((HUG)))))))

Lilythiell · January 27, 2016 6:05 pm

Thank you, Yitzock.

I did enjoy last year's convention, yes. I hope the next one will be even better.
I'll admit that for the moment I can't quite put my mind to looking forward to it, I'm stuck on money. I knew what I was going in for, of course, I knew my situation beforehand, I had not...realised what it all implied. Aaaand back to I can't use my brain properly and other thoughts of the same irk.

tonnaree · January 27, 2016 6:06 pm

X's and O's for Lily. Hang in there sweetie!

Lilythiell · January 27, 2016 6:09 pm

Thank you, tonnaree and mrshouse.

I know I should not think that, but...how do you know I'm a "strong person"?
(And yes, that's also the kind of question I would ask IRL.)

Harriet · January 27, 2016 6:09 pm

And in the meantime, try to be gentle to yourself and reduce things that are not overly important.
It's quite a challenge to get through such times, even with supporting friends and family.
Do you have more exams ahead? Or other distressing things?

mrshouse · January 27, 2016 6:15 pm

Lily, I think if one gets together here on a quite regular basis one gets a tiny impression from people.
In the German language we call it "Bauchgefühl". (saying you have a special feeling about certain things in the stomach. It is not always about logic)
Plus: I consider it more encouraging than to say "You won't cope with stuff anyway"

Lilythiell · January 27, 2016 6:16 pm

No, I've nothing...distressing upcoming.
Holmesian meeting this Sunday.
Holiday at the end of next week.
Sherlockian afternoon tea party on 20th Feb. In London.
A new bed (and mattress. At long last.) soon as well.
My half brother coming to visit in two weeks.
I realise I should be feeling quite happy (or at least not low) but...

And then there's the real exams coming in March. I'm not ready. I often say "oh well, this year's just a try out" but...I'm boiling inside. I shouldn't. That always brings about bad/not good things.

Little Weed · January 27, 2016 6:18 pm

Hugs all round. I hate it when brains just won't quit at being not at all helpful.

Insomnia sucks, and the worst thing is you know you're tired and there's nothing you can do about it. And then yeah it just goes round in a vicious cycle. Don't feel bad about eating... eating is fuel which you need if you've had no sleep! However, you probably know all this but knowing it doesn't help you fix it.

Ok, I'll shut up now and give out some more hugs.

Lilythiell · January 27, 2016 6:20 pm

mrshouse wrote:
Lily, I think if one gets together here on a quite regular basis one gets a tiny impression from people.
In the German language we call it "Bauchgefühl". (saying you have a special feeling about certain things in the stomach. It is not always about logic)
Plus: I consider it more encouraging than to say "You won't cope with stuff anyway"

That's actually the first time someone gives me a worthwhile answer to that question.

Much better than the (too often) dismissive "Well, I know you, don't I?" reply I'd usually get.
Thank you.

Harriet · January 27, 2016 6:29 pm

Lilythiell - registered May 11, 2014, 1.760 posts. I think I can deduce something from your posts, too

Lilythiell · January 27, 2016 6:35 pm

Thank you, Little Weed.
You're right, knowing all of that does not help in fixing it. God knows my entourage has tried to get me to understand -the thing is I do understand. But don't know how to fix that.

Harriet, you certainly cannot deduce anything* from the amount of posts I've made...can you? As for the contents, probably, though what exacty, I wonder.

*not meant to offend

Harriet · January 27, 2016 6:41 pm

No, except for a certain reliability when it comes to analysis. And of course something from the content - and you know what I mean

Lilythiell · January 27, 2016 6:49 pm

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by a certain reliability for analysis.
I will quote things and try to structure what I'm trying to say...but I'm not sure it's reliable. Or if it really brings anything to the discussion. Anything new, I mean.

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 27, 2016 6:55 pm

Deep breaths Lily, Take everything one at a time, try not to get overwhelmed and enjoy them as much as possible.
I know I can get quite overwhelmed myself, so it's way easier said than done.

In my experiences, the worst thing is the worrying and stressing...

And I'm trying to move on from what I did last night, but it's difficult... I really messed up this time.