BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Free Rants

kornmuhme · July 31, 2015 7:47 pm

@ Lilythiell: What about your hormone balance? Have you had it checked recently?

Lilythiell · July 31, 2015 7:52 pm

No idea...I don't think so, no. Why?
(Yes, science isn't my forte. Pity, isn't it? For a Sherlockian, I mean.).

This Is The Phantom Lady · August 1, 2015 6:50 pm

Hormones might be somehing to get checked... I had my levels checked (also because I suspected I might have PCOS)

....

I survived a family lunch today, my cheeks are sore from all the polite smiles and trying to sound hopeful about finding a job soon... Because of my sore back and hips I couldn't apply my usual tactic of being extra helpful in the kitchen.

But all in all I survived it... when they found out I was travelling to London they obviously wanted to hear about it... and now I have a whole new worry. Because of the way the trains run here I have to leave my home late Monday evening to fly early Tuesday morning... which means I have spend the night the airport. I have been calm about that, thinking I'd find a quiet corner and read, I've even brought 2 MP3 players to listen to music from to save battery on my phone.

My... ugh, I can't even remember how I'm related to all those people. well, one lady has worked at the airport for years, she isn't anymore though.... she looked at me with open mouth when I said I was spending the night there. She made it sound like it was the most dangerous thing in the world.
I assured her I wouldn't fall asleep... (because of my issues I just can't relax enough in public places to nod off).

I had just gotten over my panicking. My boyfriend spent Tuesday night talking me down and talking me through each and every stupid fear making me see it isn't the end of the world.

... Also... I finally got reffered to therapy and they chose to invite me to four 'introductions' starting Monday afternoon.
I can't see how I can be focussed Blegh.
At least they finally decided I was worth 'wasting money on'.

Lilythiell · August 2, 2015 12:15 pm

Spending the night in the airport, eh? Be sure to bring a very good pillow (or several) -not necessarily for sleeping, mind.
How are you feeling today, then? Sending you strength and positive vibes!
"wasting money on"... get that idea out of your head? Please? Or try to.

This Is The Phantom Lady · August 2, 2015 12:45 pm

That's a great idea with the pillow, I don't expect the benches to be comfy. Ugh.

I'm feeling okay I suppose... my back is still sore but it's survivable. I'll be staying home just relaxing. My suitcase is packed now... so I just have to pass the time. My boyfriend is 'coming' for a date soon... well we'll be talking on the cam. I hope I can manage that. For some reason I always get sore from my position when we do that. But I won't force anything...

I'm having a Sherlock marathon right now, that might also be why I'm feeling better. Somehow the show always seems to lower my pains.

It's hard to get that sentence out of my head I'm afraid... I am trying... but two therapists (well one was a case worker of sorts) in a few weeks told me that when I had gotten reffered and had to be 'tested' to see where I belong...
Because I had help before... and some of the things I wanted help with happened 20 years ago they both said that it seemed to be 'a waste of money' to help me now, since I had survived for so long.

Lilythiell · August 2, 2015 12:54 pm

Humpf, not exactly professional, is it...?
Enjoy your Sherlock marathon !

This Is The Phantom Lady · August 2, 2015 1:09 pm

Not really no... it caused a spectacular breakdown hearing that from someone I had hoped would help me.

Thank you! I will do! I am watching ASiB right now... and smiling about the fact that the hostel I chose is on Belgrave Road...

How are you feeling? I really hope you find something that can get your head out of the rut, ugh!

Russell · August 2, 2015 9:57 pm

This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:
Not really no... it caused a spectacular breakdown hearing that from someone I had hoped would help me. !

Sighhh. Yeah, because just because it happened ages ago and survived it by (take your pick - avoiding it, burying it, trying to work on it here and there, dealing with 'side' issues) doesn't mean you ever completely resolved or don't want help with it. </empathetic vent>

And yeah, an interesting way to have to travel and a tad tedious, but I don't see anything wrong with having to spend the night there, either! I'm sure tons of 'stuck' people have had to do it… maybe even have fellow travelers to converse with about it, and just be 'aware'. You sound like you know how to handle yourself, and it's not like you'd be on the street worrying about oddballs/drunks bugging you. You remind me of a few years back deciding I badly needed to get myself out on some kind of little trip, and hey… why not drive to visit my cousin instead of fly, since it was only a couple states away, and could see a few sights? Parents were intrigued and concerned for being 'careful', but thought it was cool (since they know I'm not reckless and had a set destination/course), since I rarely go off on something like that on my own. So yeah, it can be awesome to just venture off like that, depending on the trip, and I think more people should. (saying nothing about being lucky enough the particular trip is to see HIM, but… yeah…)

kornmuhme · August 2, 2015 10:05 pm

Lilythiell wrote:
No idea...I don't think so, no. Why?
(Yes, science isn't my forte. Pity, isn't it? For a Sherlockian, I mean.).

Hormones can play an important role in your emotions, so if you are "unbalanced" it's them maybe having an effect on your emotional stability. Isn't too bad to have it checked.

Lilythiell · August 2, 2015 11:49 pm

Thanks, kornmuhme, next time I see my GP I'll try and tell him about it.
As for finding something to get my head out of the rut, well, I'm not seeing yet -but I know I'll feel better. Sometime. Oh, hell, maybe I just need to go on the road and...I don't know, reconnect with myself or something. Now how to do that is another story, but...
Sorry, I'll...shut up, now.

This Is The Phantom Lady · August 3, 2015 10:08 am

Lily, I'm sending you all the positive vibes I can and again I agree that the hormones is worth having checked.

I am actually not so worried about tonight anymore and traveling and all that... I did have a 'nightmare' this morning that I couldn't find my chewing gum as the plane was about to take off.
I have bad hearing because of faulty pressure inside my ears due to scarring of the eardrums in normal conditions... and I'm a little scared it's going to hurt a lot.

I don't know if I stopped worrying about my journey because right now I'm too 'busy' worrying about something else...
I am going to that introduction to therapy thing in an hour. I just broke down... I don't know what I'll do if this 3rd person says the same thing. That I am not 'worthy' of being helped.
If that happens I won't go back there ever again... even worse... I am scared what I might do.
Luckily my boyfriend is talking me down, because wow... I am panicking.

The things that happened to me shaped and ruined my life... I have so many issues that I wouldn't have if it never happened, and if my own mother had handled it better.

Ugh. I don't even want to go. But I have to...

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (August 3, 2015 10:09 am)

kornmuhme · August 6, 2015 4:06 pm

Hiroshima 70 years ago.
World War II still makes me horribly shocked :-(.

Whisky · August 6, 2015 5:17 pm

Lovely, I went to get advice and heard again this story about "it's pulling through or giving up". I am somewhat sick of hearing that again and again from people with a solid psychotherapeutic education of several years. If I tell people the same, will I get as much money for it? Also they make depression sound like a nice theoretical playground... but they really don't get the hands-on truth of it. And if they get stuck in their grand theoretical approaches, they talk medication.
It truly annoys me.

@Phantom: so you will be already on your way... but I just wanted to add, I always liked staying at airports. I also slept there (next to a 24h shop or some nice-looking people, so nobody could approach me without decent people noticing) and never had trouble. Still, airports are different each, some are better for sleeping, others not so ideal. I always looked them up on http://www.sleepinginairports.net/
Hope you had a good night :-)

BHavers · August 6, 2015 5:31 pm

For those who understand French, there is blog, which became a short TV program, dedicated to ranting and very bad days.
It is called "VDM" (vie de m... or s... life)
http://www.viedemerde.fr/blog/1507

When you read all anecdotes about what happened to others, well, all things considered, your day wasn't that bad...

Yitzock · August 6, 2015 7:06 pm

That's like a site we have in English, called FML (F---- My Life). I can understand how it might make you feel better about the bad things that happen to you, if it's not as bad. Or at least the old saying might apply "Misery loves company."

Sending you positive energy, Phantom! I think you can do it, and if your signature is any indication you are seeing the show right now, and I hope you are having a great time!

This Is The Phantom Lady · August 8, 2015 12:36 am

I just had the scare of my life.

I know my boyfriend has issues, I actually 'forced' him to start therapy for PTSD shortly after we met, after some fights I knew something was very wrong and actually told him "either you ask for help or I won't talk to you again" and the next day he had already been in touch with a therapist.

We are in a long distance relationship, him living in Holland... He has been troubled with PTSD since the serious biking accident he had as a kid that left him brain damaged... for 15 years he couldn't speak, he can now, but it's not perfect and it does become worse if he's stressed.

His old laptop is broken so he is borrowing his brother's laptop when he can so we can chat or talk... but it's not always, often we 'only' talk during the hours he's at work...

He started messaging me at 2am, sentences that didn't make any sense at all, mixing English with Dutch and babble. If I hadn't known about his issues I don't know what I would have thought... I managed to talk him out of and through a panic attack...

I've just sent him back to sleep...

well if he can sleep... my PTSD was worst when I was 17 and I wouldn't sleep for days because I was so afraid to have another nightmare

I just can't stop crying now for some reason.
I'm happy I managed to do the right thing, I tried to do the 'grounding technique' where you focus on something you can see, a thing you can touch and a thing you can smell or taste.

Still I just feel so... I don't know...

maybe the problem is that I know this happens a lot for him... and I can't be there, I'm so damn far away... and perhaps it's also that I know I was alone myself when I was going through it.

This Is The Phantom Lady · August 10, 2015 10:25 am

Today stinks!!

I was supposed to go to that therapy thing today, but I can't... I have to walk there, and on my way to the Barbican the busses messed up, so I had to walk really far in some bad shoes... my pinky toe hurts so bad now and I think it got infected. I stripped off several layers of skin on the entire toe and during Hamlet I was bleeding...
So now I can't really walk.

And I haven't really slept properly for over 2 weeks now. And I'm losing the plot... I am so exhausted but I just can't fall asleep, I jump out of bed several times during the night and wake really really early and can't get back to sleep.

And today is my first aniversary with my boyfriend... but we spent the last hours talking about his ex. The cruel woman sent him a letter last week because apparently her life is going bad now... and it has messed with him so bad. Apparently that was also why he woke up with that nightmare Friday night. He had wanted to hide this while I was in London.

He can't remember what today is... that's his brain damage, it messes with his memory... but... I know I'm selfish... but it would have been nice to be remembered rather than talk about how she hurt him 18 months ago.

*puts her face in the pillow and screams*

I hate today.

Lilythiell · August 10, 2015 10:49 am

*hug*
*hands over tea*

about your toe...ouch! don't forget to disinfect it, let it air, disinfect some more and eventually put a bandage on it -but only if you've to go out. And if you have to walk, be extra careful and put on several layers of cloth on it.
That's what I'd do, but then again someone with actual experience on that type of problem would help better than I.

kornmuhme · August 10, 2015 1:08 pm

*passing a handkerchief*

Hope you'll feel better soon!

Whisky · August 10, 2015 7:52 pm

It's only getting dark at 9pm here but i am already getting nervous about the dark. Ugh. I can literally feel it affecting my mood. And i used to like Winter. Still would, if it only wasnt making me feel like a Zombie...

Dear Phantom, i hope you will be able to sleep better soon!
I usually treat my suffering feet with a bath in chamomille (Kamille?? Is that right?)
It is soothing and somebody said it acts as disinfectant (obviously a proper disinfection will still bei the better thing i guess, depending how bad it is)

Last edited by Whisky (August 10, 2015 8:05 pm)