BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Free Rants

This Is The Phantom Lady · September 10, 2014 8:22 pm

Well I have plans now... so I can't.

The issue is more that he asked her of all people... She's still on her trial period and she hasn't really made it; her trial period ends this Friday.

I LOVE my job, especially the work we do for the patients... but this just annoys me. Especially because I've spent 2 weeks trying to teach her how to work here and she doesn't care.

This Is The Phantom Lady · September 18, 2014 10:37 am

I am not a fan of today... Ugh. Not at all.

I am home from work with a very sore throat, a slight fever and a really, really bad back.

I was chatting with my guy and of course today he broke my heart in a million pieces... He was having a bad day and I knew it was about his ex... He didn't wan to talk about it but I made him.
I just don't want him to go through it alone... like I said, his problems are my privilege...

Well? I already knew this... and it's the reason why I don't refer to him as my boyfriend or anything... I love him and I have a feeling I won't love someone that much again. I am ready to go all the way with him... He is not over his ex and she treated him really badly... I accept that it can take years before he is ready to commit again. But he is worth the wait. Days ago I reminded him I am ready to wait ten years or more... and he said he didn't think it would take quite that long.

Of course he tells me he will never stop loving her and he will always hope she changes her mind; that she breaks up with her boyfriend and comes running back to him...
I did mean it when I said I wished that for him too, because I just want him to be happy and I feel blessed to be his friend if that is all I can be.

Yet, now he is talking like we still have a future ahead of us, and that he wants to be with me when his heart is healed.

I need to smash something. I think I'm going to go crack a few eggs and make an ommelette. Literally.

This Is The Phantom Lady · September 20, 2014 8:56 pm

Sorry for the tripple post...

but DAMN MY LEG!!!

Today I was at the zoo with my mother, it was actually awesome and we had a good time, just the two of us. We took it all in our own pace and gradually my hips got worse and worse... my pains has spread to my hips *sigh*.

Stairs is impossible for me now, and slopes is just as bad. I really wanted to see the giraffes and there was a very steep and long slope up there, no way I was going to try the stairs. I almost cried when I realized and even my mother told me we should turn back. I just growled and told her 'I want to do this'. When I finally made it to the top it was so hard not to cry and I almost fainted.

I'm 24 years old. It's not fair! I hoppled the rest of the way to the giraffes where my mother had to plant me on a bench. I'm way too proud. My mother knows my pains better than anyone. It was like this for her before she had her hip replaced at 50.

I'm paying the price now, I've been in so much pain since... we had to walk several kilometers to the train home after the zoo because there were no cabs. And only because I didn't want a stupid slope to win.

I told my guy (yes we're friends again... and things are okay for now). He is a big part of why I don't want to give up... despite a major accident where he got brain damaged and lost the use of his leg he fought his way back and started running marathons...
He, of all people told me I have to accept it, and be happy with what I can handle... to not be so proud.

I haven't seen my doctor since it spread to my hip. I know I have to. I'm just... ugh... I just don't want to sit in front of him again in so much pain and hear him say it's nothing.

saturnR · September 20, 2014 11:11 pm

Hi Phantom, you really should see a doctor. Sounds like a joint thing and not a muscle thing. You need to increase your calcium in take (like triple it). Maybe consider physiotherapy - they might be able to teach you how to move better and put less stress on it.

This Is The Phantom Lady · September 24, 2014 7:50 pm

I have an appointment to see my doctor on the 6th... *sigh* I just know it's not going to get me anywhere...

I'm a little worried... my guy used to be friends with the man who hurt me and made me do stuff... those things... grr! As soon as he figured out who it was, my guy stopped talking to him and didn't want to be his friend anymore.

They had a long talk yesterday, my guy wanted to see for himself what he was like and started up a conversation about me, and if he had heard I started seeing someone... apparently a lot of nasty truths came out and my guy now knows what kind of man he is.
Finally my guy told him that the guy I was in a relationship with was him. The man then told him "Hit me up if you ever want a threesome" and left.

What the actual F...

I'm just worried about the consequences... of what that man can do to me now, and what he might do to my guy.

Hopefully nothing... hopefully that man will have enough in his other girls and his wife...

This Is The Phantom Lady · September 27, 2014 3:25 am

I am so SICK of sick people and people dying around me... It's not fair!!

Over the past 6 years or so I lost half of my family to cancer, many more of our family and friends fell ill and I live with the knowledge that even though my best friend is doing very well her mental illness will possible end up taking her away from me one way or the other.

I have been to so many funerals, I've seen so many dying people, hugged so many grieving relatives. I remember Christmas eve before last I almost ruined it for everyone because I was so adamant on everything being picture perfect. I couldn't sit still and fussing about everything. I am the 'kid' in the family... I'm 24 now and I've had to hear people who lost their husbands, wives, daughters or sisters say that it wasn't fair to me to have to lose so many people...

It has 'slowed down' right now... one family member who I wasn't too close to (and I hate to admit it, but I'm keeping away as well) is dying of cancer, my mothers aunt is still close to losing her leg on the 3rd year...

Watching TFIOS I broke down some weeks ago... I have bottled up a lot of stuff and it was a good cry...

My problem is that somehow I started to blame myself. My depressed mind started seeing silly patterns that as soon as I had been in contact with people or let them get close to me they fell ill, died or did bad things... I actually hid away and refused to socialize. As soon as friendships started to form between me and other people I backed out and closed myself into my little world. For their sake because I didn't want bad things to happen to them.

My guy is one of the first people in a really long time I wasn't afraid to allow to get close to me... I dived in head first into our friendship that is slowly becoming a love story.

Yesterday he told me he had a chest x-ray done and that they found 'strange spots' on his lungs... they've done a lot of tests and he will have all of the results in 2 months from now.
I went into 'nurse mode' and interviewed him abou his symptoms and I'm trying to comfort myself with what I know... it doesn't have to be bad at all.

But every time I close my eyes I see him pale and bald... It's 5.30am and I haven't dared to sleep yet...
And guess what? I am instantly blaming myself...

tonnaree · September 27, 2014 11:27 am

Oh honey. I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's hard enough losing loved ones but don't let your mind hurt you even more! You are in no way responsible for anything that has happened.

I know it's difficult but try not to get too upset about your fellow yet. Several times in my life I have had "things" show up in X-rays. I've had several biopsies for one thing are another. I have been blessed that they all turned out to be ok. Waiting for test results is hard but Doctors like to run tests because they dont' want to miss anything. They'd rather err on the side of caution. Better to worry a little about something for a few weeks than not know that something is wrong.

If you ever need to talk or vent please feel free to message me here or on Facebook.

(((big hugs)))

This Is The Phantom Lady · October 5, 2014 11:07 am

I'm actually livid right now...

The channel here that shows Sherlock and Doctor Who (my favourite channel, can you tell?) have been lying to me!
They kept saying, over and over again that they started showing the new Doctor Who episodes from the 10th of October (I have perfect visual memory, so I know I'm right)... and I did wonder, because Doctor Who has always been on Saturdays...

Well... waking up after a good party last night, a bit hungover I do a random check of that channel to find a RERUN of last night's first episode... It's on in an hour so at least I didn't miss that too.

I am so angry. I have been waiting anxiously, painfully trying to avoid spoilers... But the thing is, the woman who handles Doctor Who enquiries at that channel is a Whovian herself.
When I entered a contest last year to win tickets to see DW in the cinema and had everything right she personally replied to my email even if I didn't win and commended my knowledge. lol.

Davina · October 5, 2014 11:24 am

Contact them and tell them what they have done. They have probably been hoping everyone would either not notice or think that it was their own mistake. How annoying!

This Is The Phantom Lady · October 17, 2014 3:39 pm

I am honestly getting sick of this...

Every time I am nauseous (I have been ill the past week) people naturally assume pregnancy is the cause. The doctors I work for, even the lady at the pharmacy...

"Is there a chance you might be pregnant? Are you sure?"

As if I'm supposed to explain how my sexlife works...

It was a fair question some years ago when I was taken to hospital in an ambulance with severe abdominal pains...

But honestly? And stop that smug smile when you ask too.

I want kids one day, but ehm... my sex life is not up for discussion thank you.

tonnaree · October 17, 2014 3:46 pm

I understand your frustration but it is honestly a valid question honey. I remember passing out in high school and I was ask if I could be pregnant. Pregnancy is something that is almost always a "possibility" for a woman and can completely affect how they should be treated medically.

The medical professionals just need to know. Now I would agree they do not need to delve deep into your sex life. A simple yes or no explination should be enough.

This Is The Phantom Lady · October 17, 2014 4:08 pm

But why ask that at a pharmacy when I ask about tablets against nausea?

And every time I say that I am certain about not being pregnant I always get "Are you absolutely sure??"

In my ears that it just going too far, implying I don't know what I'm doing with my own body.

It wasn't a problem at all when I was taken to hospital with abdominal pains... I didn't mind them asking and the lady when I called the ambulance warned me I would get asked a billion times...

tonnaree · October 17, 2014 5:23 pm

This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:
But why ask that at a pharmacy when I ask about tablets against nausea?

And every time I say that I am certain about not being pregnant I always get "Are you absolutely sure??"

In my ears that it just going too far, implying I don't know what I'm doing with my own body.

It wasn't a problem at all when I was taken to hospital with abdominal pains... I didn't mind them asking and the lady when I called the ambulance warned me I would get asked a billion times...

The pharmacy needs to know because any kind of medication you take could effect a fetus. However, I too would be a insulted at the "are you sure."

ancientsgate · October 17, 2014 7:08 pm

This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:
But why ask that at a pharmacy when I ask about tablets against nausea?

Because a lot of meds are contraindicated for pregnant women. Some are, some aren't. They're asking you just to make sure that what they're dispensing won't hurt you or your baby. But even asking isn't foolproof, since it's very possible to be pregnant and not know it yet, after all. Yes, even among women who use "reliable" birth control. The only 100% reliable birth control is abstinence, after all.

Russell · October 17, 2014 10:19 pm

I second what the others said, although totally get the feeling insulted part (the tone would help a lot). If it makes you feel any better, Yes, they probably do deal with a lot of 'what if' cases or women not being aware. My coworker's girlfriend, before he met her (who, honestly, is overweight and doesn't always take care of herself), was pregnant and didn't know it. She already had extra weight, didn't feel different, until she felt like crap one day and had bad pains, and her doctor basically said 'Er, I think you need to get to the hospital for labor.' Thought it was a little ridiculous and incredulously asked about periods. He told me nope… somehow she had still had some… so who knows. Not that they should imply anything about knowing your own activities… ha. Hope you feel better!

Last edited by Russell (October 17, 2014 10:19 pm)

This Is The Phantom Lady · October 17, 2014 10:41 pm

Yeah... I'm just a bit irritable I suppose.

But I sort of have an idea where the nausea comes from, 'breaking up' with my guy... to be fair I was already sick when it happened but I believe it has prolonged it.

I am quite certain I am not pregnant.

tonnaree · October 18, 2014 2:44 am

I think you need more time in your pillow fort with tea and biscuts.

This Is The Phantom Lady · October 18, 2014 6:15 am

Yeah I do...

tonnaree · October 18, 2014 11:31 am

(((((((big hugs and snuggles for Phantom)))))

This Is The Phantom Lady · October 28, 2014 11:04 pm

I have gotten a joint knot on my thumb... Ganglion I think is the medical term.

It hurts like hell when I get to the middle of my day at work... it's just so annoying! By the end of the day typing is almost impossible. And I'm a secretary! Blegh. There's always something.