Why? Why does such things happen?
Today the little son of my best friend died. He was only 8 days old. She gave birth to him last week. It was a long (almost 60 hours) birth but he was born healthy and with a good weight. The day after his birth, he suffered a SIDS. The doctors were able to resuscitate him and he was put into a coma in hopes that he will recover. But he didn't. His parents and the hospital organized a christening on monday. I was there as one of his godmothers. I never ever want to see something like that again. Such a tiny human being hooked on machines and tubes and wires. But I am grateful that I at least was able to see and touch and talk to him once.  
I am so f** angry and sad! My friend and her wife so much desired a child. They would have been great parents. It's not fair! Such things shouldn't happen!
Sorry, normaly I am not sharing very personal matters but somehow I have to let it out. I am feeling so helpless.

So sorry to hear that. Losing a child most be the most terrible thing. Looking forward to the baby for many months and then losing it. I understand that you are feeling helpless now but I am sure your friends will nevertheless realise that people are there for them and that they are not alone in their grief. 

That is terrible @Stoertebeker. I'm so sorry for your friend, their family and you as well.

@stoertebecker, just read those terribly sad news. Give your friends all the strengths you are able to provide. I truly wish for them that someday they will be able to think of their first child with nothing but love and thankfulness they were allowed to have it and be its parents. RIP little angel.

Thank you very much @all for your compassionated words. My friend is a strong women and has a lovely, caring wife at her side. I hope they'll get through this together. And I will try to help as best as I can (and as much as they'll let me). Thanks again, it was really comforting to read your thoughts.

Just give him a kick, Phantom! Virtually if needed!
I don't really have to rant, but it's my son's tenth birthday tomorrow and what does he want for birthday cake?? A plain simple chocolate cake?? No way. Tarte tropezienne! . I've been baking for two days now...

I don't know why... I just can't... ugh. If I see him again (probably will) I will try to tell him my guy doesn't want me to talk to him... 

I know how pathetic that sounds... but maybe he'd respect that. And it's true too... my guy knows how hurt I got and what it did to me (and he still likes me; *gasps*)


Good luck with the cake; I don't even know what that is! And a big Happy Birthday to him!!

I will be okay... I just need this out of my system....


Why does it have to be this way always? There always have to be that space and distance between my mother and I. 

I started to forgive her for my childhood; accepting that the woman just can't stand kids. I still see that when she is around other people's kids... she just can't connect to them and would rather be miles away from them... she had no idea how to handle them. 

I even moved on from the things she told me as a teenager, telling me that the things that happened were my fault... and that I shouldn't report the man who did it to me. 

She let me grow up thinking I was a terrible person and didn't deserve even a mothers love *sigh* and I moved on. I can't say I've completely forgiven her; but she's still my only parent and I always thought she would change and I thought she did. 
And I always thought that if I changed, with therapy and all and stopped being such a problem child around her maybe she would change too... 

We were actually doing so well the last few years; being in the same room with her became bearable and a weekend with her didn't end in tears... 

She is never the first person I tell anything, and if I have children some day she is never going to be allowed to be alone with them... but I guess I started to expect more of her. 
She doesn't know what hell I've been through... especially not what this year has been like for me... but the other day when she called me I told her I have never been happier in my life because I had met someone online.

I also asked her about Aphasia (my guy has Aphasia) and hoped for some advice... she has worked with mentally and physically disabled people most of her life. She just got silent and all I go from her was "Oh". 
I don't expect her to understand online dating... but she doesn't have to be so cold. 

We don't have a date planned for the Zoo trip she has promised me for a while right now... but I don't even feel like going now

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (September 7, 2014 11:27 am)

If I was you I´d offer my service for Saturday - if he´s really like an absent-minded professor it probably just didn´t occur to him (for whatever reasons) and it´s a chance to draw attention to your competences. He´ll remember you next time..