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Part 3 Silent Auror: Pattern Behaviour - a fic I really enjoyed
Sherlock shows that he cares
Sherlock cares even moreHe gets it but isn’t sure that he has got it right, after all. “You hired some sort of ninja assassin to – to attack me in my bedroom – to entertain me?”
“Yes!” I say, pleased by his accurate deduction.
He stares at me as though I’ve finally gone completely around whatever bend he’s always thought I was headed toward, mouth still open. “You did,” he repeats. Disbelieving.
I shrug modestly, nod, one corner of my mouth twitching downward into a well-what-did-you-expect-me-to-do expression.
Suddenly he starts to laugh. Hard. “Jesus Christ, Sherlock,” he says, one arm across his chest while the other goes to his temple, shoulders shaking with laughter. “What on earth did I do to deserve you for a friend?”
(Am not precisely sure how to interpret this reaction. Is he… happy? Furious?)
He comes over to me, grinning. “No one else in the world would ever think of hiring an assassin to save me from being bored between cases. That is a fact.”
(Cautious relief.) “It worked,” I point out, starting to smile.
“You are amazing. Completely insane, bizarre, and utterly amazing.” His face still full of that openness and warmth, John impulsively hugs me.
DoubtsReturn to thinking about John, being attracted to John. He is the sort of person whose features have never made me think terms like spectacular, dazzling, phenomenal, yet since the first, the very first impression, I was somehow struck by him. He is compact, powerfully-built (though he does love to hide it under those God-awful jumpers), strong without being horridly bulky, firmly and pleasingly built. He jogs (has done ever since I cured him of his ridiculous limp) and his slim thighs and well-muscled calves bear witness to that. His jaw has not collected fat beneath the chin as on most men his age. Even his face – entirely pleasing in its composition somehow. He is perfect. He lacks my wit (everyone does), but has a solid, if occasionally inflexible intelligence. (He is a doctor, after all.) He reads, enjoys the theatre (unless it crosses some invisible line and becomes too “arty”, as he would put it), has an ear for classical music. He is square and masculine and strong in every respect. His size, his profession, his humour – all of it complement mine. We would fit together, I cannot help but think. (Envision my long, gangly limbs folding around his shorter frame and know without proof that it would fit perfectly.)
(At this point in my thoughts, I also realise that I am hard again.)
This is a problem.
(Or is it?)
Right, why???(Are there grounds for an attempt? Is he attracted, or is it merely that he yearns for a woman’s body – literally any woman’s body, Mrs Hudson would probably do in a pinch – and if so, could he possibly be persuaded to accept mine instead?) I consider: my body is distinctly non-feminine. I am all angles and lengths and I am taller than John by thirteen centimetres. Considerably taller. He could never close his eyes and pretend. (No, then: he would need to be genuinely attracted.)
Sherlock finally doesn't careCannot imagine why on earth I have not contemplated kissing John since the moment I was first vaguely pleased by his trim, compact form walking through the door at St. Bart’s.
He draws back for breath for a moment, his breath coming warm and hard on my mouth.
“You,” he says accusingly. “I thought – ”
“Don’t think,” I pant. “Not really your area. Kiss me.”
Last edited by Harriet (August 21, 2014 9:19 am)
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I see I have to read that one again.
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Part 1 of a true classic - The Progress of Sherlock Holmes, by ivyblossom.
I've read it only now. Could be one of my favourites ever
What I particularly enjoyed is her portrait of Mary. Written in 2011 already, I can so see AA in this role.
Also all the poetry, humour and those lovely plot ideas.
(Well, the idea how Mary finally left wasn't that great, but I don't care much.)
Ok, here we go. Sherlock POV. Sherlock injured in bed:
He taps on the door, like a polite flatmate. Grunt in response. A creak as the door opens. I love that he doesn’t care what I think about it; he comes in because he needs to, because he wants to. Wants to see that I’m all right, cares whether I’m all right.
John: he’s like the sunshine pouring in. He feels like warmth sneaking into a cold place. His hair, dishevelled, his face full of sleep, I want to kiss him, I want to wrap myself around him and never let him go. Morning is not so grey when he’s here. He is my colours.
“Shit,” John says under his breath. “You didn’t mention a cracked rib, Sherlock.” A note of reproach in his voice. His hands lift up the t-shirt. The pain of the rib is nothing compared to the pleasure of John’s warm hands pressing lightly against me. Like smoke rings. Like imaginary love.
“I’ll get you something for the pain,” John says.
“Mmm.” No point in arguing. An opiate would soothe all of the various wounds, physical and emotional.
But likely John only means to give me paracetamol. Bastard.
“I know you'll want to go back to the crime scene,” John says, and sighs. He shifts a little on the bed, his hands still pressed against me, his warm hands.
His fingers; they pull triggers and kill, they are so gentle on me. “I’ll have to tape that up first, though.”
Oh, my John. My blogger, my helpmeet. Tape me up and take me out. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Grunt, mumble out, “Fine,” turn head away. “Pass me my tea.” Not a question, a demand. An anchorite, finally, finally trying to talk. Heart beats sideways.
Warm mug in my hand, warm fingers on mine. “Thank you.” Uncharacteristic: that will confuse him.
He stops, I open my eyes and watch him. He smiles. He looks concerned. I must look worse even than I feel.
Last edited by Harriet (August 25, 2014 9:11 pm)
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Sigh. This is so beautiful. One of the best fics ever. She really has a way with words.
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Part 2 - The Progress of Sherlock Holmes
John's bed and sleeping habits
Sometimes: lie there in his bed and stare up at the ceiling. Watch the pattern of lights from the window, following the cracks in the ceiling to their logical ends. Perfectly straight, perfectly smooth bed. Lie on the side John doesn’t sleep on, the right side. (John is left handed.) Lie there as if John is sleeping on the other side, perfectly occupying the space left there for a bed partner.
(Do all left handed people sleep on the left side of the bed? Why would they?)
John never notices the bedspread sprung free at the corners when he comes home. The slightly disturbed lines of it. He’s never, as far as I am able to deduce (substantially far), managed to see that his bed has sprung apart a bit at the seams. That it’s been sat upon. Never made any appearance of recognising the telltale indentation my head leaves on the pillow.
(So obvious. You can smell a person on cotton pillow cases. I know. I’ve done it. Repeatedly.)
Maybe he does notice. Underestimating him? Maybe he knows and approves, appreciates my small battles against the remains of his military habits. Though my original, far more likely, deduction is surely correct; he is an idiot. Simply doesn’t observe the signs that someone else, obviously his flatmate (who else would it be?), curls up in a foetal position on his outrageously neat bed in the afternoons (as a proxy for curling up next to object of his pathetic, adolescent, ridiculous, unrequited lust). For the best.
Interpersonal relationships: really not my area. (Obviously.)
At night John undoes a single corner of his perfectly folded and tucked creation and crawls into bed, leaving most of the bedclothes undisturbed. So as he falls asleep he looks as though he’s wrapped in some sort of bed-shaped pastry, the form of his body beneath the surface perfectly obvious to the casual observer. His feet, his calves. The spot on his lower back where it curves. His shoulders, rising up to obscure his face from me. His bed clings to him, holds him, soothes him. (I could do that.)
And thus during the night the carefully-constructed order of John’s bedclothes is utterly eradicated; from perfect symmetry (the sheets, the blanket, and the bedspread are always laid perfectly evenly on the bed, each side matching the other with mathematical precision) to varying degrees of chaos by morning.
Sometimes he pulls all the sheets off his bed, leaving the shiny fabric of the mattress visible.
Once he woke up, wrapped in his sheets, inside the cupboard - the mattress pushed off the bed frame, the pillows slumped against the wall. That was early on, not long after Moriarty and the pool. He’d been spooked, triggered, reminded of things he didn’t want to be reminded of, pushed into an awkward and likely terrifying place. All that could be seen of him was a bit of sheet sticking out from under the cupboard door. He would have had to wrap his arms around his legs tightly and stay that way, asleep, tense, alert to the sounds of nightmarish feet against the floor, a rusty bayonet stabbed into the wall. I left him there. What else could I do? His limp was pronounced the following morning, his sheets smelled vaguely of shoe polish and moth balls.
Every morning he observes the evidence of his nightly struggles and he smooths it all out again; remakes the bed, enforces order, straightens the pillows. It’s incongruous, these military ways against the softness of the bedclothes, the plaited rug on the floor, the gingham curtains Mrs. Hudson (so lovingly) strung over the window. Hospital corners on a (soft, deep double) bed. Incongruous.
You would think the hospital corner ritual comes from John’s time in the military, and of course you would be right.
But that’s not all: it is a ritual in which John undoes the chaos of his night terrors. Erasing the violence he does in his sleep. Fighting back. Creating a new reality.
I’m not sure he likes the reality he creates. In fact I’m fairly certain he doesn’t, not entirely.
And so I disturb it for him. Isn’t that how a person demonstrates affection? Giving him what he wants, what he secretly wants? Disorder, but not his own?
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Part 3 - The Progress of Sherlock Holmes - this time: mini genres in one chapter
Hurt and comfort
Humour“Maybe I didn’t need to give you three of those pills.” John’s voice. His hands on my shoulders. John. “Hands on your head, okay?” Moves my arms (made from soft rubber), places my hands behind my neck. “Hold still a moment. Exhale.”
Push the air out of my lungs. Wait. He wraps a strip of flannel around my chest, once, twice. Take a deep breath and feel; constriction of cloth. Exhale again; he wraps another strip under the first one. Feels like being held, (the way John’s bed holds him). Order around chaos. A revelation: he’s my order, I’m his chaos. Yin and yang. Needs me (need him). A perfect match, a perfect pair. Obvious.
“Breathe.” He puts his hands on my chest. “That’s not too tight, is it?”
Don’t really have an opinion. Feels fine. (Better than fine.) Make a noise that could be interpreted either way.
“John.” This is important.
“Yes?”
“I’m your chaos.”
PiningFeel the mattress dip beside me. John is on the left side, I am on the right.
Have imagined this so many times; feels absolutely perfect. Wonderful. He is warm, feels like he might be the source of all warmth. A sun that revolves around a cold planet like me.
(Except that it’s the other way around, isn’t it, the planet goes around the sun? Does that make any sense? Who cares, who cares.)
Shift and press forehead against the back of his neck, hand on his hip.
“Solar system.” Words into his shoulder. “Stars are warm, planets are cold. They rotate.”
The words he uses to describe me, the tingle I feel in the base of my spine when he looks at me with naked admiration. He makes me bleed emotion. It oozes out of me, messy, uncomfortable, something to be cleaned up, disposed of, healed. Treated. I should hate it, but I don’t. He states the obvious in that voice of his, the same one he uses to tell me I’m amazing, I’m extraordinary, the same one that shouts in the night to the tune of his nightmares and asks me if I want a cup of tea in the mornings. His voice: the seat of all his dimensions, all his sharp edges and his gentleness. The part of him that, right now, in front of Lestrade and Anderson and the nameless faces of the Met, reaches out and caresses me, from his throat to my tympanic membranes. An intimate touch. (But it’s not, it’s really not.)
Last edited by Harriet (August 28, 2014 8:42 am)
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For some reason I particularly like that second quote, Harriet. Don't know why...
Seriously, how can talking about the solar system in bed sound so... you know... sexy, beautiful, warm and tender?
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For some reason I chose that one, Solar, don't know why
Last edited by Harriet (August 28, 2014 9:17 am)
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It is one of the best written and beautiful fics ever. I am quite sure that there is something about Johnlock that brings out the best in good writers.
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Just a quick one from "The Slashman" by engazed
"Sherlock had such presence that his absence had just as much force."
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A few words and much said
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Yes, and it really fits Sherlock.
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The entire fic was so quotable, but my absolute favourite line was '‘I’m so tired, John,’ said Sherlock.' Out of context, doesn't mean much. In context, it's heart breaking.
(I love that Sherlock regularly helps Mrs. Hudson with the washing up in this story.)
Mary
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I haven't finished it quite yet.
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Part 4 - The Progress of Sherlock Holmes - this time: rooftop musings
Sky. To date I have spent brain power only on considering what descends from it and alters the conditions of human criminal activity, not the sky itself. Peer up at it now: a great empty space. Initial observations suggest that it is largely pointless. Merely absence of a ceiling or upper floor. Functionally, the origin location of weather patterns. Rain, snow, fog, sleet; these things can be evidence, important to note. Otherwise, it is merely the Cartesian coordinate Z (up). How tedious. The cosmos, largely, is boring: there are no motives in space. So far, no murders, no crimes. Dull. Large balls of gas on fire and moving around in aimless circles. Tiny points of light. Bright red glow, pushed out from the edge of the world, slowly dimming. (Dimming light can shift the view of a crime scene; things can be hidden in different varieties of light. Worthy of notice, at least.) Bright point of orange behind the skyline; fingers of red that fade into blue-blackness.
People appear to find this process romantic, the sun moving behind the horizon. Why? (Does John find it romantic? Probably. Thought stings. He does not sit and moon over sunsets with me. Would I want him to?)
(Could I find this process interesting, if John were sitting here next to me, mooning at the setting sun?)
(Possibly.)
(Probably.)
Is it the colour? Do reddish hues bear some particular significance that prompts an emotion or amorous action? Would staring at a wall painted red incite the same reaction? Could I paint the entire flat red as a means of provoking John in an amorous direction?
Pathetic. It would only make him think of someone else.
Red is also the colour of warning; signs, portside lights on ships, traffic signals. Red is the colour of blood, which is, in a way, another kind of warning: stop, you’ve gone too far, broken the skin, broken a body. Hearts look reddish when you first see them inside a body, but once cleaned of blood, they’re predominantly yellowish, like chicken skin. Children draw them and colour them in red, presumably because they have failed to learn this simple fact. Perhaps they have seen only living, beating hearts, seen open-heart surgeries on their relentless tellies (do parents let their children watch open heart surgeries on telly?) and failed to understand that the red around a heart is only the blood. Do parents want their children to imagine only bloodied hearts? Presumably so; live things are (apparently) more pleasing to people than dead things are. (Regardless of its colour, the heart is certainly not heart-shaped, which is an odd failure of the English language, and a bizarre and erroneous anatomy lesson for children. I suppose it’s like Santa Claus: one of the things adults lie to children about by default, with no shame or remorse.)
A revelation. I have been so stuck in the wanting, I can’t even imagine all the pieces that come next. From here, wrapped up in John, smelling him, feeling his lips on me, his fingers in my hair, clinging to him like a terrified child, I can’t imagine it. I can’t even imagine the having. (How would it be? Knees and elbows and teeth and tongues and logistics I can’t entirely fathom. I don’t know.) John is three steps ahead of me, he’s moved past wanting and having into my inevitable boredom, rejection. I do get bored. Tired. Frustrated. I have got bored of every person I’ve ever met. Why would he be different? (But he is different. I have no proof, no proof. There can be no conclusions, no assertions, without proof.) If a case goes on more than a week I get tired of it, too. He’s right to think ahead. My brilliant John; he is the consulting detective of amorous relationships. He’s right.
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Aw, the rooftop scene is wonderful as a whole.
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The rooftop scene is amazing!
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Ok. I haven't read "Progress" yet. Obviously I must do something about this.
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Definitely. A must read.