BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Free Rants

Titania · June 22, 2014 2:36 pm

Thank you for the kind words....i needed to vent so badly ....i hope i will now only write on the good news thread from now

Last edited by Titania (June 22, 2014 2:41 pm)

SebbyM · June 22, 2014 5:00 pm

Hi Molly, I'm sorry you're day was bad. Mine was too. I was very busy and now I'll have to spent the whole evening/night, shortening my book presentation (it's 3 minutes too long)and learning it by heart. But hey, at least I'm not bored!

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 22, 2014 5:07 pm

Two things... Men and creativity issues...

And last night I lost my headphones and had to walk to the shop today without music in my ears to get a new pair. I felt anxiety going for a 5 minute walk without my headphones. Stupid...

mrshouse · June 23, 2014 8:17 am

Hi guys.
Haven't been around for a while now. Work is just exhausting at the moment. A colleague of mine seems to be seriously ill and will have to recover for about two months at least. She's my favorite pal at work, so I feel truly sorry for her and hope she gets better soon. But it also means lots of extra night and weekend shifts... I'm tired already. And there's even talk of postponing our summer holidays! Hubby and the kids would be delighted...
Gah, have to sleep now...

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 23, 2014 9:44 am

Sorry to hear you're having such a stressful time at work and that your co-worker is ill! I hope everything gets better!

Harriet · June 23, 2014 1:07 pm

Good to hear from you, mrshouse - best wishes!

mrshouse · June 23, 2014 1:38 pm

Thank you, my dears, feeling a bit better already.
Any news from your back and your silly doctor, phantom?

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 23, 2014 6:01 pm

My appointment with my doctor has been moved to the 3rd of July... so no news yet! But something has to give soon...

I love traditions to be honest, I'm a huge fan of Christmas... but today is a traditional day that I HATE! It's Saint Hans Day here in Denmark; the day we mark the beginning of summer with a huge bonfire, speeches and all that is lovely.

What I can't stand is the fact that a big part of the tradition is to dress up a doll as a witch and burn it on the fire. They say it's to ward off evil spirits. It's just become such a joke and people poke women saying 'careful they dont burn you tonight!'.
I just can't help think about all the innocent women who were burned for their knowledge and the ignorance of the people around them. It makes me sick to my stomach! My friends and I would have ended up like that if we were born back then... two of my friends are wiccan and I have psychic abilities...

Needless to say I'm not going anywhere to celebrate tonight.

This Is The Phantom Lady · June 24, 2014 7:11 pm

I am so mad at myself and all of this right now!

I had to stay home from work yesterday and today I decided to go even if my back was still bad... I was trying to hide my pain and get through my day when my co-worker twice had to tell me I had gone all pale and she could tell I was in a lot of pain... the second time she almost literally kicked me out of the door and sent me home.

Right now what actually bothers me most is that someone saw, I'd rather go on pretending to be all right even if I know I'm not... I don't want people to worry for me

saturnR · July 7, 2014 10:14 am

Warning: This rant one is political but I didn't want to give it its own thread. You've been warned.

I never thought I'd meet a Holocaust denier in real life but apparently they do exist outside of the media. Previously, I'd only read about holocaust denial on the internet. Now I know that these people actually exist (in Sydney even). Criticise Modern Israel all you like (for political debate) but to say that the Holocaust was masterminded by Jews who somehow felt the need to kill millions of their own people so that they could use it as an excuse to form Israel is... I'm shocked that such a view exists amongst Australians. I mean I know that Aussies can be racist but this is a bit extreme.

Last edited by saturnR (July 7, 2014 10:16 am)

This Is The Phantom Lady · July 9, 2014 5:58 pm

^That is terrible! The holocaust makes me so sad! I've visited concentration camps twice and I don't doubt. *shivers*

... I'm a bit scared for some reason. I saw my doctor Monday and was prescribed morphine like pain relief for my back. The doctor told me to start out taking them before bed in the hope that it would get easier for me to get out of bed as I'm so stiff when I wake up... I picked them up yesterday but I waited till tonight with taking them because this morning I was volunteering as a medical test subject for my collegues at the hospital having to go through a new OGTT procedure...

What if I don't handle them well? ... and what if I handle them too well and start liking them? I've been addicted to pain relief when I was a teen... I am desperate for the pain in my back to go away but I suppose I do worry too much...

Still no sign of an MR scan... *sigh*! But since I meet the criteria as a test subject for one of the doctors I work for I'll go into her programme which includes two body scans. One is a DXA scan which is a full body scan showing off bone and some tissue. Which means I will actually get to see my own spine! And and MRI scan too... but only a tiny slice of my abdomen...

Mattlocked · July 9, 2014 8:37 pm

Listen to a fellow sufferer: Stop thinking and take them.

This Is The Phantom Lady · July 12, 2014 5:26 pm

... Not only did they make me ill like I had a hangover all day; they do nothing for me... they only dull down the pain a tiny bit. Ugh. Oh well...

I'm just a bit angry at myself... I've gotten myself into a lot of mess and it's wearing me down slowly. I'm so low. And all because I let a guy into my heart... I thought my time in that weird world was done but he managed to suck me right back in. I don't even know his real name... I only know him by the name he uses to inforce his power. Ugh.
I really thought I was stronger! Where's my Mr Magic to save me from all of this, this time??

When the heck did I become 'That woman'.

tonnaree · July 12, 2014 7:08 pm

This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:
... Not only did they make me ill like I had a hangover all day; they do nothing for me... they only dull down the pain a tiny bit. Ugh. Oh well...

I'm just a bit angry at myself... I've gotten myself into a lot of mess and it's wearing me down slowly. I'm so low. And all because I let a guy into my heart... I thought my time in that weird world was done but he managed to suck me right back in. I don't even know his real name... I only know him by the name he uses to inforce his power. Ugh.
I really thought I was stronger! Where's my Mr Magic to save me from all of this, this time??

When the heck did I become 'That woman'.

I odn't have any magic answers but.....................(((hugs and stuff)))))

This Is The Phantom Lady · July 30, 2014 8:38 am

I'm crying right now.

One day, when I'm older I can laugh and tell people just how far I was prepared to go for 'that handsome actor'... only right now it doesn't feel funny.

That man I mentioned in my previous post in here is still a part of my life... I want to leave him... I need to leave. I honestly think he has brainwashed me and it's the scariest thought in the world to be honest... A lot of the things he does to me and my life gives me panic attacks and when I break down there he is; using his breathing techniques slowly hypnotising me into feeling I need him. I'm not even his only 'victim'... I feel like I'm drowning slowly.

I have no idea how he did it, but he managed to make me join a certain online service and it makes me so sick. He even likes to check up on me making sure I'm doing a good job and making him proud. I don't even feel like myself anymore... I don't know who this woman in my mirror is. It goes against all of my morals...

I work 30+ hours at the hospital without pay, and when I come home knackered I don't feel like I'm free... I log on my laptop and open the things I need to do my 'work' and then I wait around like a puppy for him to make me feel it's all right...

I've never gone this far, it's never been this destructive when I stepped into this 50 Shades like world... but last time my ex saved me. He was the kindest man I've ever met but the only time he was forceful was when he told me to NEVER let myself get sucked into this...

I can't tell anyone... no one would understand... I know it's not true, and it's all part of his plan... but that man feels like the only one who I can talk to about it.

I'm sorry... I shouldn't even be posting this here at all

SusiGo · July 30, 2014 9:08 am

I think you need professional help urgently. Help this board cannot give you. Do not get me wrong, you may write about this if it helps you but I fear that it is not enough. Please try and contact a crisis line or something similar. Really.

This Is The Phantom Lady · July 31, 2014 5:35 pm

I wish I could... I'm a big believer in mental help. And logically if this was happening to a friend of mine I would say the same...

I just can't. I don't want anyone to know... I don't want to admit that I was weak enough to let me become this... thing... that I am today.

I tried to tell him I couldn't do it anymore, I tried yesterday... but I never got to say it before he had me under his thumb...

I hope he'll grow tired of me eventually, that's all I can do I feel. Just wait it out... Maybe his wife will find out what he's up to with girls like me and that will make him stop. maybe...

Last time I ventured into this world I felt I was a weaker person that what I was this time... but last time it was 'just' research for a book I wanted to write before 50 Shades of Grey rendered my hard work useless...

I just feel this is effecting me in so many ways. Worst thing is my mind and my memory... I have, well had photographic memory and I can hardly tell the days apart... I forget words... I've always been intelligent and I can hardly grasp simple things... I have to fight to stay the sweet and way too patient woman I was... it might be from not sleeping. I don't feel like I've really slept in months... I've lost weight and my hair is beginning to fall off...

Tinks · July 31, 2014 5:47 pm

But you must get help to remove yourself from this situation.
If someone is forcing you to do something against your will, that is illegal and even if he does "tire of you" that may just mean he moves onto the next victim; he has to be stopped.
You said in your earlier post that you're in this situation because of "a handsome Actor"
I'm pretty certain that the handsome Actor would be devastated to learn that a fan of his had ended up in a situation which was potentially dangerous and damaging to her mental well being.
Please ask for help - for your sake above all, but also for his sake and the sake of anyone else who might be the next victim?
Sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs xx

Russell · August 1, 2014 8:56 pm

What Tinks said. And just… erf… I know what you mean about the 'weak' part, but… isn't it strong to know (and actually get) help when need it? *hug*

This Is The Phantom Lady · August 3, 2014 3:54 am

I'm panicking a lot right now... I don't know what is happening to me.

Tonight my strong pain relief wasn't working at all, I'm in bed but haven't slept yet.

I can't move my legs now. I still have feelings in them; I feel the cold air from the window on the skin, and I can still feel the pain in my spine, shoulders and hips but there is no contact... they won't move... I don't feel pins and needs as if they were 'asleep'.

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (August 3, 2014 3:56 am)