BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Phantom's Poetry

besleybean · April 20, 2014 9:31 am

So sad!

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 24, 2014 12:10 am

The song I was listening to just brought back some memories, I have chosen to forgive and forget though.

'Mother Mine';

Oh how I feared you,
How I longed for your absence,
Helplessly praying,
Oh had I only been an orphan.
I could feel the cold,
Coming from you,
You didn’t have to say it,
I knew I was unwanted.
Too broken to ask for help,
Wanting to run to the one,
Who was tearing me apart,
Black and blue,
Sleeping on cold stairs,
Locked in small rooms,
Left to rock myself to sleep,
These sobs were so loud,
As they filled the blackness.
I try so hard to forget now,
What it was like to be your child,
We are all we have,
Mother mine, don’t even tell me why.

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (April 24, 2014 12:11 am)

SpiralStaircase · April 24, 2014 8:19 am

Lovely works, Phantom! Powerful and emotive. Thanks for sharing.
I used to write poetry in my teens but that was decades ago - ha ha. I'm writing a novel now.

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 25, 2014 9:03 pm

Thank you so much, Spiral! It means a lot!

I've found some of my old works... Some are about the same man who I still miss sometimes.

'Droplets':

These droplets of a stranger’s blood,
Showing me the way,
The way to these broken shards…
As if they will tell me something…

I feel as if they know me,
Waiting as they were,
There by the curb,
Knowing I would pass them.

I moved to increase the distance,
Between you and I,
Yet today I feel closer than ever,
To not being over you…

Droplets of grey rain falling,
Like tears of ash,
Soiling these dirty concrete steps,
Setting the mood so well…

And I wonder do you know?
Know that you cause more smiles,
Than you cause my tears,
I love the memory of loving you…

They say my mind is broken,
That my heart may never have been whole,
But I knew I was loved once,
By someone like you…

These droplets of your kindness,
Soaked me through,
When I needed it most,
And I don’t want to forget…

I only wish you could see,
The me you raised from the ashes,
I dedicate this smile to you,
Hoping you know what it means…

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Nightmare to a Daydream':

The scars are fading
The markings loving you has left me with,
They seem less apparent now…
But what if the day they leave,
The memory of you will be long gone?

You were never meant to know,
My heart was not to be yours
And you swore to never hurt me,
Promised I should never be afraid,
Afraid of you yelling at me like that…

Do you know how well I am now,
No longer am I the girl;
Who made a grown man cry,
And I hope you never meet another,
And the one you’re with, I hope she’s good!

It still seems like a dream,
Halfway through a nightmare
Into a daydream…
Staying up past 3 in the morning,
Hoping to catch you
For at least a single goodnight was enough…

I smile when I see your name,
Even if it’s on cleaning products,
But I cry when I see you there,
The place we used to meet,
Where you made me laugh,
Or forced me to take another breath…

I have moved on,
I promise I have,
And I know now I’m worthy of love,
And I’m no longer as afraid,
Of letting a man love me like I was,
Still I wish I had been better…

I wish I was strong enough, though,
To tell you to leave me alone,
For these tears they hurt too much,
When I can’t explain why they fall,
Just from your saying hello,
Maybe it’s because you just can’t hate me…

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::.

'7 Years'

7 years I was there,
364 weeks I was by your side
2548 days I was your shoulder
But today I know I wasted my time…

It was a mistake of mine,
One of the greater,
That I only listened but never told,
How were you to know that I too could hurt?

When we first met,
I was scared stiff and maybe I was right;
I expected you to hurt me
And today you have…

7 years I was there,
364 weeks I was by your side
2548 days I was your shoulder
But today I know I wasted my time…

There were times I thought I could,
That today would be the day I opened,
But you always had issues
And I would spare you of my misery…

But I guess that somewhere I thought,
That you somehow knew,
But you were too deep in your own
To see anyone, especially me…

7 years I was there,
364 weeks I was by your side
2548 days I was your shoulder
But today I know I wasted my time…

You can tell me from today,
Till the day that we’re grey and old,
That you’re glad you have me,
But I will never be able to feel that…

Maybe one day when I’m gone,
You might see all the things you never did,
But knowing me that day won’t come,
Because I’m not strong enough to walk away…

7 years I was there,
364 weeks I was by your side
2548 days I was your shoulder
But today I know I wasted my time…

Tears run down my face;
When I remember all the lonely nights,
The nights I should have called on you,
Like you did me…

Those words you said to me,
They hurt like a knife into my heart,
When I finally realized that you never knew,
That you won’t be there…

7 years I was there,
364 weeks I was by your side
2548 days I was your shoulder
But today I know I wasted my time…

They say ignorance is bliss,
And perhaps it truly is;
I wish I still thought that someday,
Someday you’d finally grow enough…

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Ode to a Lord of Time'

Now it’s your time;
Raggedy man,
To take your last bow;
And pick it off the floor…

You say so many things;
Saying you’re not really leaving.
Your faces change
Like those of a clock.

And time pushes on…

Raggedy you were
As you came;
Stately, yet mad,
Is how you leave.

Do you ever count;
All the hearts you touch?
The smiles you caused?
And the tears that fall?

Now it’s time;
To tie the bow
To take salute;
One last twirl…

Thank you; my Raggedy Doctor!

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (April 25, 2014 9:05 pm)

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 25, 2014 9:52 pm

I've got the Eurovision on my mind badly...

'A Vision';

Drumbeats in the fake rain,
Native roots on display,
Sing your songs,
Of your home,
Wow the others,
Share the moment,
Lights, everywhere,
Let yourself fall,
Into this pool of madness,
Joined in one heartbeat.

SpiralStaircase · April 26, 2014 8:54 am

By the way, Phantom, I hope I didn't come across as snooty in my post...kinda..."oh, I don't write poetry now that I'm working on a novel." That wasn't what I meant but re-reading it, it kinda sounds it. Or maybe I just get over paranoid! I'm enjoying reading your poetry because I haven't read any in so long and it's re-kindling my old love for it.

I realised that I have two poems posted at DeviantART. I won't post them here because this thread is for your poetry, but here are the links if you're interested.

This one was in memory of my sister who died when I was 17 -

http://forestina-fotos.deviantart.com/art/Fading-Memories-116966218

This one was kinda based on an early (fantasy) novel character of mine -

http://forestina-fotos.deviantart.com/art/The-Voice-115868839

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 26, 2014 9:23 am

I didn't read it like that at all, so no worries! I think it's so cool you're writing novels now! I want to do that too, someday!

Those poems are beautiful, the one about your sister especially. It made me all teary eyed! I am sorry for your loss. But thank you for sharing those!

SpiralStaircase · April 26, 2014 4:47 pm

Thank you!

We lost Em way back in 1989. So long ago now it almost doesn't seem real sometimes.

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 27, 2014 8:00 am

I'm sorry again for your loss, I can't even imagine!

________

I've written a few on the train lately.

'Lights':

In this darkness,
The fluorescent shines,
Oh so bright,
Changing grey to pink,
Orange and sickly green.
Oh so vibrant,
Just like a dream,
That lingers behind lids,
Gasping, trying to remember,
Something as silly as your own name,
Getting lost amongst the shaddows,
Caused by these city lights,
Hang on, Don't you let go!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Silent Sirens'

Silent sirens,
Sounds so loud,
Barking in my ears,
Rain dances here,
Falling further and further,
Hitting my cheeks.
Chain me to you,
Bind my hands,
Calm my weary heart,
Remind me I belong,
Slam the breaks,
To mark these boarders.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Silence':

Thank you for saying hello,
For allowing me to please you,
Cater to your whims,
But why do I feel that it's over now,
How long have you tried,
To get me into shape,
for your peg to fit,
And now what?
Silence is that all?

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (April 27, 2014 8:09 am)

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 27, 2014 8:34 am

I've just found a collection of my old poetry from when I was 16/17 years old.

'Beautiful Disaster':

Beautiful disaster
Isn’t it beautifully poetic
The way of the world
Especially the young
Dressed in black
Dark makeup
On boys and girls
Giving their face
Another dimension
And what about the songs
These dark feelings
But into words
And music
Giving you the feeling
Of poetry
Isn’t it beautiful
We found beauty
In more
Than our parents did
They saw the sun
We see the moon and stars
On the pitch black sky
We feel the cold
Touch our bones
They made love
To celebrate love
Or just
To have a good time
We do it to feel alive
When they’d bleed
It was an accident
But we, we cut ourselves
To watch the blood
To reassure us
That we are human
Dead is beautiful
I heard Peter Pan say
“To die would be
A great adventure”
We kill ourselves
Death fascinates us
We are not murders’
Just artists.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Tears':

A tear in your eye,
Is a tear on my cheek.
If you are lonely,
So am I.
No matter where I go,
If you follow or not.
I’ll know your pain!
I will taste the tears,
Feel the smiles,
On my own lips.
Now, I’m here,
And you are there.
So far, far away.
Yet I know you are crying,
I know it in my heart!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Can I?':

Can I be the home
To your heat
Homeless heart
Can I be the clue
Keeping your thoughts
Together
Can I be your girl?

You are such a rebel
With what cause?
Come on boy
Slow down
You don’t gotta run
Away all the time
You gotta come home
And can that be
Where I am

Can I be the home
To your heart
Homeless heat
Can I be the clue
Keeping your thoughts
Together
Can I be your girl?

You play rough
Cool, casual
But I know something
They don’t know
You cry at night
You’re lonely
But listen to me
You don’t have to
You’ve got me

Can I be the home
To your heart
Homeless heat
Can I be the clue
Keeping your thoughts
Together
Can I be your girl?

You wander off
When things
Get too much
I so wish
So deep inside of me
That you’d go to me
Instead
Find shelter
In my arms

Can I be the home
To your heart
Homeless heat
Can I be the clue
Keeping your thoughts
Together
Can I be your girl?

I would be there
Unconditionally
Don’t you worry
I won’t do this
For myself
I want to do this
For you
I swear
So let me in
Please
Can I be the home
To your heart
Homeless heat
Can I be the clue
Keeping your thoughts
Together
Can I be your girl?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

(this one was longer, but this is the end of it)

'Bullied':

The worst thing now,
Is looking back,
At pictures of,
A pretty young girl,
Long wavy hair,
Beautiful face,
And then knowing,
No one at all,
Dared to love her…

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 27, 2014 9:47 am

More of my poetry from when I was a teenager...

'Blame':

Why do you blame me,
shouldn’t you love me.
How can you say,
The bullies were right.
how do you think it feels,
to have your fears,
proven true,
by someone like you.

From you, I expected,
comfort, to be understood.
And what do you do,
yell accusingly at me.
Why can’t you see,
It was them,
who broke me down,
not me.

I live in fear,
to see him again,
yet I know, I will today.
My heart is cramping,
I think you can see it,
but you never mind.

What do I do.
who do I turn to,
if not to you,
mother.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Childhood':

How young
Do you have to be
To feel lonely
Left behind
Forgotten
How old
Do you have to be
To cry bitter tears
To feel like
The whole world
Is against you
Children are so innocent
Is what I heard
I lost mine
And I know very well
I wasn’t the only one
So tell me again
I was loved
Did my mom love me
And where was daddy at
What about the teachers
Were they blind
Or didn’t they care
Was that it
So today
When I share a little
Of my childhood
With people
They tell me
They don’t believe me
Cause this isn’t normal
How do you think
This makes me feel
I was a child on the outside
Sometimes I did play
On my own
Just to pretend
To be perfect
Do you think it’s fun
To play board games
With yourself
Funny, I won again
I was suicidal
Before other kids
Understood death
And loss
I heard someone say
You can’t lose your childhood
No matter what
You are still a child
Oh yeah?
Just what about me
Was childish
I know what it was like
For me
You don’t, do you?

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Candy':

I just finished my candy bag,
Of red and yellow,
Beautiful,
Natural colours,
I ran to the car,
In a blistering cold,
Heavy rain,
Just to get it,
And now…
It’s empty…

Why is it always,
The last piece,
That makes me sad,
Wanting more,
Craving more,
Search through the bag,
To find,
Nothing…
It’s empty…

On the bottom,
Of this bag I see,
The reflection,
Of my life,
My childhood,
There’s an end,
To everything,
Especially the good,
It’s empty…

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

This one was wrong a novel I was writing once, a long while ago.

'Faith':

She laid me down
With the way she was
She pushed me over
With the way she talked

Her words pierced my heart
Her looks stung my eyes
She was special
She was different

She gave my heartbeat a rhythm
Following her hip’s
My heart sank
She sat down with him

She passed by me
Whispering words of passion
My body throbbing with lust
She had me in her net

She worked my senses
Made me more aware
But just as I opened my eyes
She was gone

Faith was her name
Faithful she never was
Yet I wanted her
I was in her game

Her eyes, so dark
So mysterious
Her skin, a light tan
Her hair the darkest brown

When she touched me
I felt the shock
Of a body so filled
With passion, lust and love

She knew what she was doing
She was doing it so well
She had done it before
I was one in a row

If she was ever mine
That was in a dream
I know that
It’s burning up my heart

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Hang On':

Hold on,
When the road is long,
The world is against you,
Hold on to what you got,
Fight for what it’s worth.

Look forward,
See the light,
It’s waiting for you,
Just a few more steps!

I know, you know,
What pain really is,
Just hang on please,
See this through,
And I’ll see you,
On the other side!

So you can say,
Love is for the lucky,
And I aint one,
Believe me,
Someone will love you,
Some how,
Trust me!

You sit here,
Giving up on it all,
Like on a rooftop,
Waiting to fall.
Spread your wings,
And fly away,
Till the end of pain,
But not your life,
Don’t give up,
Hold on to the edge!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Guilty':

I’m guilty,
Guilty as charged,
I’ve committed,
Yet another sin,
I’m filthy,
So dirty,
I’ve got,
Blood on my hands,
My own…

I lost my innocence,
I lost my trust,
In myself,
I lost myself,
To a dream,
That’d never come true…

I’m running scared,
From a monster,
They can not see,
For she is in me,
Under my skin,
In my head,
Telling me lies,
Telling me it’s true,
She is me…

And I know,
I was to blame,
I was the guilty part,
When we interacted,
I allowed him,
To hurt me,
I didn’t care,
I let him in…

I can not win,
The battle I started,
so weakly,
I slit my wrist,
Lick the blood,
The taste,
Sticks to my tongue,
I want more,
And more,
And more…

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 27, 2014 2:13 pm

More teenage stuff...

'Him':

He allowed me to sing
So I sang for him
He allowed me to dance
So I danced for him

He told me I was beautiful
He molded me
To believe in him
I became his flower
Growing blossoming
As he nursed me

He allowed me to write
So I wrote for him
He allowed me to love
So I loved him

He told me to not be afraid
He scolded me
To tell him more
I became his child
Growing, blossoming
As he nursed me

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Heavy':

Bang, bang
Hear the noise
Of the drum
Too loud
Turn it up
Just a bit more
Sing along
To the yelling voice

Beat the air
Till it screams
Of pain
Say all the bad words
As loud
As you wish
Come on
I know you want to

Let your head
Bang to the beat
Oh that guitar
Let it get you high
Get it all out
Don’t be scared
I won’t bite
Maybe I will

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Save a Life':

How can I save a life?
When I can’t stay alive,
Myself…
I miss you so dearly,
What can I do?
I feel useless…
I so wish that my tears,
Would bring you back.
The loss is unbearable…
I can still see you,
Hear you,
Yet it’s nothing but:
Memories…
I try to escape,
Just for a while,
Disappear into a song,
Played a little too loud…
I close my eyes,
Let my thoughts flow,
To the rhythm…
Yesterday I was crying,
Today my eyes are sore,
What does it help?
My mother feels worse,
So who can I talk to?
I don’t wish to bother…
Now I feel,
The world is so fragile,
Who will I lose next?

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Jack':

Jack has a band,
But they kicked him out,
So now he sings in here,
When he’s had,
Yet another glass,
My favourite is the one,
About the lion,
The girl and the pony,
He made it up,
And he still knows the words,
Oh so do I!

I know people say,
Jack threw away,
His whole life,
But the way I know him,
He’s very alive,
When we joke,
Or discuss the way,
Of this damned world,
Jack has a family,
He has Margarita,
Whisky, Vodka,
And little Tequila,
His friend when we party.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Inspiration':

I asked the stars
’Please inspire me’
They just twinkled on

I asked the moon
‘Please inspire me’
it just continued to glow

I asked the sun
‘Please inspire me’
It just shone

I asked the sea
‘Please inspire me’
It just showed me a wave

I asked the meadow
‘Please inspire me’
It was just growing

I asked the bird
‘Please inspire me’
It just flew, chirping

I asked a child
‘Please inspire me’
He just looked at me

I asked love
‘Please inspire me’
He just laughed at me

I asked myself
‘Please inspire me’
I got no answer

But suddenly it came to me
As a lighting strikes
I ran to my pen
To get my paper
I wrote like crazy
This is what inspiration is
So uncontrollable
So unreliable
And yet so fantastic
It’s the thing I crave for
Search for
But the deal is
It’s everywhere
And yet it’s nowhere
It only comes
When the time is right

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'One Day':

When you fall asleep,
I lay here, watching you.
from you close your eyes,
till you open them again,
I’ll be keeping an eye on you.

I’m running away,
from the day,
you won’t open your eyes again.

When you leave,
I stay at the door,
watching the road,
and I will keep on,
till you are safe at home.

I want to forget,
there will be a day,
you won’t come back to me.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Mystery':

In the night,
So cold and clear,
I see a sign of sadness,
A teardrop on your cheek,
Frozen by the wind.

Your dress is blown about,
As if icy dead hands,
Were playing carelessly.
Your hair so dark, so long,
Lit up by the moonlight.

Now, your song I hear,
Your voice, the finest instrument,
Skilfully you play.
The melody sets the mood,
In this lonely night.

Your face, seen in dreams,
So pale, so perfect.
The hand who painted,
Had been calm and steady,
His true masterpiece!

A name, do you have one?
If so, what could it be?
You queen of night and death,
Is it Mystery?

batchlock · April 27, 2014 7:58 pm

This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:
'Bullied':

The worst thing now,
Is looking back,
At pictures of,
A pretty young girl,
Long wavy hair,
Beautiful face,
And then knowing,
No one at all,
Dared to love her…

I really like this one. I really do. So powerful.

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 28, 2014 12:29 pm

Thank you, Batchlock! The rest of the poem was not that great though...

This one is new.

'A Storm':

Calm as the raging sea,
Working up a storm inside,
Slowly rising high above,
This distance seems so great,
And yet, here were,
I hear your whispers,
In these relentless waves,
Feel your breath in the heavy wind,
I will stand my ground,
Blowing you a kiss,
Across these oceans of separation.

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (April 28, 2014 12:30 pm)

This Is The Phantom Lady · April 29, 2014 12:56 pm

'Strange':

Sunlight creeping in,
Biting the tail of the darkness,
This cold devil, so dormant here,
Sent packing on it's heel,
A heartbeat like a drum,
Scaring off this silence so loud,
So smothering, and oh,
Isn't it so warm now,
So unfamiliar, but not unkind,
Oh Stranger, do dare to stay.

mrshouse · April 29, 2014 1:04 pm

Thank you for sharing, Phantom!
I like "Empty" and "Mr. Big Shot" best.

This Is The Phantom Lady · May 9, 2014 9:08 pm

I'm so glad people actually like some of my stuff! Thanks!

I wrote this one at around 6am this morning on my way home... I don't really know what it is.

'One Last Straw':

Tired eyes,
Weary heart,
A smile cracked,
Like a mirror-ball abused,
Shattered not broken.
Wobbly lines,
Of a scarred letter.
Never forget,
Never Change,
Hold onto this,
One last straw...

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Keys':

Kind faces with keys,
Words spoken too many times,
Locks of politeness,
Coins of foreign origin,
Left or lost,
Seems wrong to be right,
Tonight it is,
Oh sweet tonight.
Lips bitten too hard,
Landing from a dream,
That shouldn't have been.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'Sail':

Like a sailor,
Wears his cap,
I carry you in my heart,
And it is with
a pirates smirk,
You stole my heart away,
Come back across the sea,
Take me there,
To your dreams,
My lonely traveler,
So alone with me.

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (May 9, 2014 9:17 pm)

This Is The Phantom Lady · May 14, 2014 8:44 am

I think Conchita is really inspiring me...

'Shine':

You beat me black and blue,
But all I see is gold and green,
You wanted to take me below,
But I've never soared higher,
You stole my name away,
I only created a new one for myself,
All your goodbyes just to hurt me,
Knowing I'd only cling tighter,
You no longer know me,
Would you remember me,
If we ever met again.
Your stepping stone,
Your podium from where,
You cold hold your speeches,
You burned me down,
Just so you could shine,
But this smile on my cracked lips,
Today, is going to outshine you.

This Is The Phantom Lady · May 14, 2014 12:48 pm

'Your Lies'

I loved your lies,
Because I knew,
Deep down,
That was all they were,
But oh these dreams,
They were nice,
As long as they lasted,
Those late nights,
When it all felt so real,
Those early mornings,
Full of forgiveness,
And days of realization,
I always came back,
Always.

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (May 14, 2014 12:49 pm)

This Is The Phantom Lady · May 14, 2014 1:05 pm

I can't stop today it seems...

'Rain Drops':

Rain drumming down,
Soaking through to white bones,
Cold, I suppose,
Water trickling down,
Leaving puddles,
Muddy, I guess,
Seeking shelter,
Only to fit in with the crowd,
I feel nothing,
No, I don't mind.
The cold wind might bite,
The rain may drown me,
My only regret,
Is seeing the ink smudge,
Running down the pages,
Dripping onto my shoes...

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (May 14, 2014 1:05 pm)