This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:

This film has made me feel like a bit of a brat to be honest. Most of my relatives have died of cancer the last 6 years. In the end I always had an excuse to leave the funerals early or not to show up at all... always stood in the back when doing hospital visits, sometimes having my mother sign my name on cards for flowers to be sent. I stopped listening when my family talked about who was sick with what and how they were doing... I've pretended like everything was perfect and just used my status as the young person in the family who was too busy living her own life to deal with something so 'grown up'... 

Sorry to hear about your loss.
Sometimes a bit of denial helps us along the way. It doesn't make you a brat (not even a little bit). Plenty of grown ups to that.
 

Last edited by belis (March 16, 2014 5:33 pm)

Thanks, I just wish I had paid more attention... I haven't even counted how many we have lost and how many are sick right now... I've just pushed on wanting everything to be perfect.
But it breaks my heart when people mention things like how there's almost none of the people left who attended my Confirmation 10 years ago and then go on to look worried at me and say it's a bit too much for someone as young as me (I'm 24). I don't feel like I'm the one people should worry about. What about the wives and husbands, the children and grandchildren... people should worry about them.

I did catch myself thinking a few times that I was glad my grandparents had died before I was born; I guess that would have been too much for me... and that I never knew my father and his family as that would only add to the losses.

But I think from now on I will remember this film, and I will try to show that I do care. And another thing; I don't think I'll ever have a suicidal thought again in my life.
But yes, people deal in many different ways. I have seen that... and there is no right or wrong way to grieve... I suppose I just feel a bit ashamed is all.

I almost want to send the people behind this film a thank you letter! 

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (March 17, 2014 8:05 am)

Finally got round to watching this and I'm currently curled up in a comfort blanket wondering where to start to describe how I felt about it!
I have to say that I can get really affected by some Movies/TV shows if I find them too depressing or upsetting, and for that reason there are a couple of things Benedict has done that I know I'll probably never bring myself to watch, even though I admire the fact that he chooses such interesting and thought provoking roles.
But I felt somehow, that even though Third Star, ultimately, is tragic, I would be able to handle watching this.
And I was right; it's a sad tale - not just because of James' personal tragedy, but because of the way it focussed on four friends whose hopes and dreams had become watered down and lost in the mundane reality that life can sometimes become.
It didn't have that Hollywood gloss that can sometimes strip a Movie of any semblance of what's real and throw up red flags at every point where you're supposed to sob.
It didn't try to make a Saint of James, or Angels of his friends; in fact sometimes some of them were downright nasty! James included!
But mostly, they were REAL - honest, flawed, and struggling to make the best of a bad situation - finally going above and beyond for each other.
There were a couple of scenes that were hard to watch, but not, imo, unbearably so.
In fact I thought the whole thing was filmed with great sensitivity.
The cast were superb - I forgot I was watching Actors and totally bought what they were selling me.
Benedict portrayed James incredibly realistically - looking almost emaciated for the part and acting in that beautifully understated way he has in roles like these; subtle but completely convincing.
It's a Movie I'll definitely be watching again...it was sad, of course, but the message of love - real love - within it made it worth seeing
Last edited by Tinks (Today 8:11 pm)

Last edited by Tinks (April 15, 2014 7:30 pm)

I am seconding everything you said. It felt like a real film with actual people... like you said none of them were perfect. The film is amazinly written! 

I will say it has changed my outlook on life... It's made me not only want to live, but be alive! It has a beautiful message for anyone no matter what they're going through.

I love this movie. It makes me a bit sad becouse it makes me thing about  the people I met when I was working in palliative care and who are now long gone. At the same time I think it portrays something that we call 'a good death' and that we strive to achieve. James had remained in control of what was happening to him, he was surrounded by friends, his symptoms relatively well controlled right to the end, died in a place of his choosing. In a wierd way I do see it as a happy ending.

Exactly that Tinks.

I did look at the four of them and think how flawed they all were as individuals but as a collective, although they fought, they were an amazing team.

I wonder about the three of them without James around. I wonder about Davy, and how he'll feel lost. About Miles and his relationship with James's sister, about whether Bill will be brave enough.

And James, in the cosmos, in the dust motes, constantly around them still.

Should not have come in this thread while listening to that Sad Captain song..
 

Ok, that song that a lot of us have been listening to this week, My Sad Captains by Elbow,.
Well, the more I listened to it the more it made me think of Third Star.
And the more I thought of Third Star the more this poem started banging around in my head.
I've been muddling with it for a bit but I think it's mostly finished now.
Be kind.

PASSAGE

I can see my way now
Across the water
I feel it written on my bones
Fierce tides promise to take me
Past the pain
If there is strength enough to answer
 
The threshold must be crossed alone I know
But still
Will you swim with me to the door my friend
 
The journey is but a moment and
although sure of my leaving
I hesitate at the end
Not eager
 
You look at me with sunrise
In your eyes
Warm
And dappled with goodbye
 
Letting go of breath
Of earth
Not quite so hard now
With you besides me at the end
 

'The threshold must be crossed alone I know
But still
Will you swim with me to the door my friend'

This verse realy resonates with the final scene.

Wow Tonnaree. That's just gorgeous.

I feel inspired to draw James now....