I am currently in my old bedroom at my mother's house. Findus is asleep downstairs and he seems all right (Thank goodness!!) He's eating and hasn't been sick the last few days. He's just lost some weight and is a little bit slower than usually. 

I don't know... these days have been really annoying. 

Yesterday my aunt spent the entire day talking about my weight and there it was again... all the deaths around our family. (On the upside she bought me the most beautiful trench coat!!)... Today I worked in her garden for hours despite having told her about my back and almost crying; I don't think she even heard me when I mentioned it. She's a bit ignorant about people around her I guess... but I had to 'work off' the coat... at least now I know I'm doing the right thing seeing my doctor next Friday... then came trying to teach her how to use her laptop (Something I've done for 6 years) and we're still at the same stage... She then drove me to my mother's. 

I wasn't going to tell my mother about seeing my doctor next week but I had to. She had to ask why I'd not be able to come home to her on the planned time next Friday. In my mother's world only she has pains and I'm just trying to get attention... that's how it usually is. I tried to explain my pains and she just nodded and mentioned a brand of pain meds I should ask for. It annoys me that I had to worry about telling her such a thing... and of course we got into an argument later on.

and well... yeah. I wish I was home right now... but tomorrow we'll be 'round my mother's aunt for tea and I can't get out of that one.

I've had about 8 hours of sleep since Tuesday I think. so, yes I'm a bit on edge and a lot of this tension is probably my fault. 



Ugh, and yes, I am 24... and right now I feel like a child. Grr. 



 

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (March 21, 2014 11:21 pm)

Glad to hear that your cat is a little bit better Phantom.
Good luck with the visit to the doctor. I hope your back pain will get sorted.

I agree with Tinks, for parents we always remain children, no matter the age. I have left home over 10 years ago and my parents still ask me things along the lines of 'have you eaten?', 'why do you stay up so late?', 'have you taken your medication?' etc etc They also like to give me unsolicited advice on how to manage my life. I listen, nodd and than do it my way. I hope though that they will be around for many more years to come to do all those annoying things. I don't see them very often as I live abroad and that makes me feel guilty sometimes.

Last edited by belis (March 22, 2014 9:09 am)

I just wish it was a general interest in me that caused questions and arguments like that... My mother and I have hated each other since I was little and it's come out in so many ways... today we 'get along' as adults. Sometimes she tries to act like a mother though and I let her; but the bond is just not there and I never think it will be. 

I do like to say I have forgiven her (hence the 'getting along' part). Ugh. It wasn't easy for her either and she really doesn't like children. 

But yeah. In my world there are 2 ways to feel like a child. One is just; you know watching cartoons with a cup of cocoa... then there's the other one after an argument like last night when I just feel so small and insignificant. 

Before I had therapy last year I was going to break all contact with my mother; I would have done that years ago if it wasn't because she's the only one who knows who my father is. And someday I will have to know the truth. Especially if I have children of my own someday. (My mother is never going to be allowed to babysit them though)

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (March 22, 2014 10:14 am)

Dear Phantom, of course you are most welcome to talk about this here. The only thing I don't get is why you believe your friends would not understand? I think there are more people than we know who have trouble coming to clear terms with a former love interest. What can we talk about with friends otherwise? Good weather? I'm happy for you that he gave you faith in yourself. You have to decide though in which way and with wich intentions you want to keep contact with him. Talking with him as a friend about just sweet nothings is no crime in my opinion. If you still have as we say in german "butterflies in the stomach" that will put him into trouble regarding his current girlfriend.

This Is The Phantom Lady wrote:

My problem is, that while this was going on in my life I was very private about the whole thing... I am about almost everything. None of my friends know half of my story or why I sometimes act the way I do. Not even my best friend. And now it just seems a bit weird to come to them and tell them about what happened a few years ago. You know? I guess I feel a little guilty for not letting them in. 

Can't speak on behalf of your friends obviously but I suspect that they wouldn't mind. It's not like there is an obligation to share everything with our friends. If they are close friends I would imagine that they would think more about how to support you than why you didn't talk about it before. The question is do you want to talk with them about it now. Some people are very private and don't let other in much, there is nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes it's easier to talk about stuff to strangers. I think that's part of the atraction of the internet to many people, including myself.

Very sorry to hear that, Davina. And it is hard to believe how they badly treated him at the hospital. Hope he will recover soon and manage to get his studies done. 
(Rugby seems to be really rough. Glad my son plays field hockey). 

Sorry to hear about your son Davina. Sounds like he has been through a bit of an ordeal and he is still not out of the woods completely. Fingers crossed he will be able to avoid further surgery.

Analgesia in AE departments is a big problem nationally. Recent audits showed that only 70% of people with broken hips can appropriate pain relief in AE. If we can't get it right for a # neck of femour than there is little hope for patients in minors. Only around 50% of patients reffered to fracture clinics get any sort of analgesia whilst in the AE and that doesn't take delays into account.
The reasons for it are mainly systemic. The way patient flow is organised doesn't help to facilitate analgesia being given early on. There is still a widespread belief that pain is helpfull in the diagnostic process and consequent reluctance to give analgesia prior to assesment. Also it has been sown that
the observation of painful experiences on a daily basis may blunt a clinician’s capacity to appreciate pain. It is proposed that a tolerance or even a detachment from it may develop as the individual tries to protect themselves from burn out. It does have obvious implications for patients care though.

I'm not making excuses by the way, just saying it is a wide spread problem with complex reasons behind it. Hopefully the coplaint will lead to someone looking at the systems and how they can be improved.

 It's a topic close to my heart as my patients presenting with deliberate self harm are one of a particularly vulnarable groups when it comes to poor analgesia and I do get into strop with AE staff about it sometimes. I think it counts as my own rant. lol  I will get off my soap box now.

I hope your son is feeling better and hope for a speedy recovery!


Like I said before I don't have too much faith in doctors... when I trained as a healthcare secretary at the local hospital it was of course mandatory to have a First Aid course within the first month of working at the hospital. I was grouped with 3 doctors and 2 other secretary students. Out of the lot I was the only one who could get the CPR right. as in the right rhythm and pressure... Good to know a secretary student was better than a doctor at saving lives. 

To be fair it was my 4th First aid course... 



And my rant of the day. I'm sick of being bored... I want a job! I've been mucking about at home for about a month now... can't find a job and turns out the job center has been paid by the state to offer me an internship a month ago. Oh well. At least the Eurovision madness is starting soon! 

Yesterday I actually got my toygun out and started shooting at the wall. I will paint a smiley face soon for target practice! 

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (March 26, 2014 6:51 pm)

Idiots on Twitter running a ' no to Benedict in specs' campaign...

And moaning about those of us who actually think Benedict looks fabulous in specs.