I don't know why you seem so angry about this?
I know plenty of women who've chosen not to marry and have Kids and plenty that have - and it's no one else's business but theirs, and I can't say I give much thought to it either way - live and let live, I say.

I really don't think people are that strung up on what choices others make as you seem to think - living one's own life can be hard enough sometimes, without worrying about how others live theirs.

Good luck to you in your career.

You aren't alone - my husband and I aren't planning on having children either. My friend recently admitted her lack of desire for children to me this weekend and we bonded all over again. 

I don't really think its a new phenomenom - its just that its slowly becoming more socially acceptable to vocalize. TIME did an excellent feature (at least in the US edition) about the Child-Free Life this summer.

I don't think everyone should be a parent - there are definitely people unsuited, but also those that just don't want to be. If there ever was a surprise pregnancy in our family, I'm sure DH and I would do a good job raising the child. But I think at least on his part, there would be some resentment. Having children changes your life and requires sacrifice. While we could do it if called upon, given the choice I don't plan to. Call me selfish - that's how I describe it. I think to properly raise a child, you need to be selfless and put the child first. But I want other things out of my life, like travel, a career, and my pursuit of my own interests. I think it is a disservice to the child when parents have children only because they feel obligated to do so (either because they feel its the next step that they're expected to take, or peer pressured by our baby-bump-watching culture that insists that a baby is the most amazing accessory). Children are a 20+ year committment - you don't get to change your mind when things get tough after two years. Children deserve to be brought into an environment that wants them, not one that felt obligated and is resentful. 

I completely agree with the maturity thing - recognizing what you want in life (and what paths will help or hinder your achieving those goals) is a sign of maturity. 

Thanks, Casey 

Susi...I know it sucks that it has to be a choice. But I genuinely don't want them regardless of work. I just don't have that maternal instinct or whatever it is. And it's impossible to get me to change my mind 

kittykat wrote:

I'm not angry about anything. I'm just putting this out there because I want my friends to be aware (I'd like to point out that we don't know each other). 

And if you do some research, you'll find that there are many people who ostracise those who make this decision.

 
In which case I apologise - I read it as being a general forum post and not aimed just at your friends on the forum.
I would just say though that if I make a choice as to what I want to do in my life I honestly wouldn't research what others may think of that choice, as it would be no one's business but mine

Tinks wrote:

kittykat wrote:

I'm not angry about anything. I'm just putting this out there because I want my friends to be aware (I'd like to point out that we don't know each other). 

And if you do some research, you'll find that there are many people who ostracise those who make this decision.

 
In which case I apologise - I read it as being a general forum post and not aimed just at your friends on the forum.
I would just say though that if I make a choice as to what I want to do in my life I honestly wouldn't research what others may think of that choice, as it would be no one's business but mine

It's not aimed at just my friends, I'm just saying that we don't know each other. You are of course free to respond but...you know.

But... by opening this thread you provoke exactly that discussion, right?

Ormond Sacker wrote:

Kitty you are not alone. I'm in my thirties and don't have kids, and I never wanted them. For me it's nothing to do with career, I'm sure I could manage it if I wanted to, but I have never had the desire to.
The funny thing is that I'm really good with kids and love babysitting for my friends, but that's only because I can hand them back again .

As for being selfish and childish. How can being mature enough to realise that you don't really want to be a mother, and thus probably wouldn't be a very good one, be either?

@Tinks. You'd be surprised how many people there is that if faced with a woman who says "I don't want children", immediately go "Of course you do", "Is there something wrong with you?" (that is, you can't have them), or "You'll regret that when you're 50".
Finally I've lost count on the number of times I've been asked "when are you going to have children?", having long since passed 30, with the implied note that all women want them. Apparently a woman's children, or lack of them, are everyone's business.

I read about a couple who moved to a place that turned out to be family-oriented, and they were treated like freaks because they didn't want kids.
 

I can completely understand women who do not want to have kids! And why would that ever make you less of a woman? Why have kids if you don't want them, my mother didn't want kids and well... let's not go into that; but if you don't want kids you shouldn't have them!


Personally my big dream is to be a mother someday; I feel I have a lot of love to give and maybe selfishly I want to be loved unconditionally by a little baby. 

I was told by a doctor that I might have trouble having kids in the future. She never told me why. But no matter what I do want them someway! 

 

Susi, I'm very sorry if what I said offended you. It was just a general thing and I do know that there are great things about having kids. I've watched my nieces and nephews growing up; the eldest of the girls turns 14 soon. It's been fascinating to watch them from birth.

We cool?

Phantom, You're exactly the sort of person who should be having children. Someone who has that love and wants to give it. It is great that you know what you want in life.

I think kitty's frustrations stem more from the attitude she and Ormund described above where others assume that everyone wants children and that there is something wrong or selfish with someone when they do not want them.Those are at least mine.