BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » I may have written a ficlet....

Wholocked · November 11, 2013 3:23 pm

I'd love to know what you guys think. I've never written anything before so...be nice!

Warning: It's depressing. And short.

Too many kinds of tea

There were too many types of tea. He wasn’t sure when options like this became overwhelming. He stood in the aisle, eyes flicking frantically across the multi-coloured little boxes, each one blurring and morphing into the next until he couldn’t tell one from the other. How was this his life?

Harriet · November 11, 2013 3:32 pm

I think it's very well done! Congrats!

(Just the very end perhaps tails off a little bit, in my perception. Still nice enough?)

You should really write more!

Last edited by Harriet (November 11, 2013 3:35 pm)

Marva · November 11, 2013 4:04 pm

I like it. I think it could be the beginning of a longer story.

Wholocked · November 11, 2013 4:05 pm

Yeah the ending is rushed a bit. I knew I wanted to end it with him seeking help, but it probably needed a better lead in. It kind of wrote itself. Never knew what people meant before when they said that about fics!

Wholocked · November 11, 2013 4:06 pm

Marva wrote:
I like it. I think it could be the beginning of a longer story.

That has occurred to me, but I'd have to give some thought to where it's going and currently I have no idea!

Marva · November 11, 2013 4:15 pm

well, you could describe what happens during John's therapy sessions, exploring his feelings and the relationship to Sherlock. That would be interesting, I think I never read something about that in another fic yet.

Harriet · November 11, 2013 4:16 pm

Well, the former parts are so good that this ending just cannot compete with them, LOL

I wouldn't say that a better lead in for this ending is required, but maybe another ending. My two cents

I left kudos because I think you deserve it!

Last edited by Harriet (November 11, 2013 4:20 pm)

SolarSystem · November 11, 2013 4:37 pm

Are you sure you've never written anything before? Hard to believe, I liked it very much and I think it's quite well written.

Maybe you just might wanna have a look at this sentence again, there's a bit too much of 'pain' in there, for my taste. Maybe you can find another word for the last 'pain'...? 'Agony' or something like that?

He remembered watching her fall, the sickening crack when she’d hit the ground and her pained, and painful, screams and cries of shock and pain.

Last edited by SolarSystem (November 11, 2013 4:38 pm)

SusiGo · November 11, 2013 6:18 pm

Very well done. I left a commentary (GoSherlocked).

Wholocked · November 11, 2013 10:28 pm

SolarSystem wrote:
He remembered watching her fall, the sickening crack when she’d hit the ground and her pained, and painful, screams and cries of shock and pain.

Oh crap. Thanks - I missed that one! I'll fix it a bit later today.

Harriet wrote:
I wouldn't say that a better lead in for this ending is required, but maybe another ending. My two cents

Now I'm intrigued what ending you'd have liked to see?!

Thanks for the read & comments all ... I have a goofy grin on my face.

Harriet · November 11, 2013 10:31 pm

Oh, I wish I knew - but something that doesn't offer that person of all people as a solution?

Last edited by Harriet (November 11, 2013 10:32 pm)

Wholocked · November 11, 2013 11:36 pm

Hahaha she's not that bad

Can't expect her to be as observant as Sherlock!

I actually thought about placing the timing of the fic between Sherlock's death and his session with Ella that we see in the episode, but that would have been too soon I think.

Wholocked · November 12, 2013 12:42 am

Hrm...are any of you guys "Sue"? I forgot sometimes that my sarcasm doesn't translate well via text to people who don't know me irl!

Schmiezi · November 12, 2013 5:40 am

Once he is back, Sherlock should be forced to read your fic to realize what he did to John!

It is so well written that I hope for more soon. Did you suscribe to the Secret Santa Fic Exchange? Hope you did!!

Wholocked · November 12, 2013 6:49 am

Schmiezi wrote:
It is so well written that I hope for more soon. Did you suscribe to the Secret Santa Fic Exchange? Hope you did!!

Kerkerian convinced me to...I'll give it a go. Never having written anything before, it's a bit nerve wracking to sign up for something like that. But we're all friends here, right?

SolarSystem · November 12, 2013 7:08 am

Wholocked wrote:
Schmiezi wrote:
It is so well written that I hope for more soon. Did you suscribe to the Secret Santa Fic Exchange? Hope you did!!
Kerkerian convinced me to...I'll give it a go. Never having written anything before, it's a bit nerve wracking to sign up for something like that. But we're all friends here, right?

Oh, don't you worry! You'll be fine!

Schmiezi · November 12, 2013 5:10 pm

SolarSystem wrote:
Wholocked wrote:
Schmiezi wrote:
It is so well written that I hope for more soon. Did you suscribe to the Secret Santa Fic Exchange? Hope you did!!
Kerkerian convinced me to...I'll give it a go. Never having written anything before, it's a bit nerve wracking to sign up for something like that. But we're all friends here, right?
Oh, don't you worry! You'll be fine!

It will all be fine.

Mattlocked · November 12, 2013 5:21 pm

Just read it, too, and I can't believe this is your first one, either.
Like it very much and would love to read more!