BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 / Forum Survey - Relationships

**Posted by tonnaree** July 12, 2016 1:24 pm

Hi! Some of you may recall a conversation a few weeks ago where I said I thought it would be interesting to do some gender and sexuality surveys here in our forum. So I thought, why not. Not wanting to get into anyone's business, all answers are anonymous, but I am interested in the make up of our little community here.

Please feel free to comment on results.

Now - Relationship status

**Posted by ukaunz** July 12, 2016 1:59 pm

I just realised I answered all these while I was not logged in, oops. Anyway, I clicked "married".

**Posted by Yitzock** July 12, 2016 2:12 pm

I always forget how many people on this forum are married. I am single.

**Posted by This Is The Phantom Lady** July 12, 2016 2:16 pm

In a monogamous relationship... well, long distance.

**Posted by Vhanja** July 12, 2016 2:23 pm

Monogamous live-in relationship for 12 year this October. On internation/English-speaking forums I just call him "hubbie", because it's simpler. We're not married, but I don't feel comfortable nearing my fourties and calling my partner through 12 years for "boyfriend".

**Posted by Yitzock** July 12, 2016 2:25 pm

That is understandable, Vhanja! It sounds like you have surpassed that term.

Last edited by Yitzock (July 12, 2016 2:26 pm)

**Posted by tonnaree** July 12, 2016 2:28 pm

Been with hubby since fall of 2000 and married since 2002. I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep him.

**Posted by This Is The Phantom Lady** July 12, 2016 2:36 pm

We're a month short of 2 years together

**Posted by besleybean** July 12, 2016 3:13 pm

Married nearly 30 years...my poor hubby.

**Posted by Liberty** July 12, 2016 5:13 pm

Vhanja wrote:
Monogamous live-in relationship for 12 year this October. On internation/English-speaking forums I just call him "hubbie", because it's simpler. We're not married, but I don't feel comfortable nearing my fourties and calling my partner through 12 years for "boyfriend".

Ha ha! I know, it feels like another word is needed as we get older! There's "partner" of course, if that applies. But for somebody you are dating, there isn't really a word. I have heard "man friend", but it sounds comical to me!

**Posted by besleybean** July 12, 2016 5:16 pm

Yeah that could just sound like a male friend to me, you know: Sherlock and John are man friends...well actually no it wouldn't work so much for me there, would have to be opposite sex.
Sherlock is Mary's man friend.
I think I would tend to use partner, unless people think you are business partners...but then I would specify business partners.

**Posted by Yitzock** July 12, 2016 8:16 pm

I suppose "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" might not seem mature enough for some. What about datemate? Probably also...Life partner sounds a bit dramatic, though I think I've heard it before.

**Posted by besleybean** July 12, 2016 8:18 pm

It's quite nice...'life partner'.

**Posted by Ivy** July 12, 2016 9:03 pm

Vhanja wrote:
Monogamous live-in relationship for 12 year this October. On internation/English-speaking forums I just call him "hubbie", because it's simpler. We're not married, but I don't feel comfortable nearing my fourties and calling my partner through 12 years for "boyfriend".

You are right sounds like teenagers.

In German we have the problem that boyfriend = Freund but Freund means friend as well. And Lebensgefährte (lit. life companion/life partner) sounds stiff and bureaucratic and pretty unsexy.
I know a lot of people who say mein Mann although they aren't married, it's simpler.

**Posted by besleybean** July 12, 2016 9:06 pm

And at the end of the day, a marriage license isn't necessary.

**Posted by tonnaree** July 12, 2016 9:39 pm

besleybean wrote:
And at the end of the day, a marriage license isn't necessary.

That's up to the individual people really.

**Posted by besleybean** July 12, 2016 9:41 pm

Well obviously, but it's no guarantee of a superior relationship.

**Posted by Yitzock** July 12, 2016 11:11 pm

Hence, it's not necessary, though still an option.

Last edited by Yitzock (July 12, 2016 11:11 pm)

**Posted by This Is The Phantom Lady** July 13, 2016 1:20 am

Some people are happier being married some are by not... I mainly support people doing what makes them happy.

I think I'd like to marry... but that's the deprived romanticist in me. Growing up with a single mum and all that... and I mainly see a wedding as a celebration if love...

**Posted by Schmiezi** July 13, 2016 5:07 am

Together with the same man since 1994, married since 2002.

Marrying was always important for me, but right now I feel like buying a house and moving away together is a much big get step than getting that marriage licence. :-)