Here's one I just had:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: m15
You: Are you at the store?
Stranger: no
You: Well, go to the store and get me some milk. I need it for an experiment.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: m or f
You: Oh, you should definitely know that by now.
Stranger: noo
Stranger: I'm at the store
You: We've been sharing a flat for a year. Just because you're unsure about your feelings for me doesn't mean that you're unsure about my gender.
You: Good. Get me some milk.
Stranger: got it
You: Good. Now come back to the flat. Oh, and, if it's not too much trouble, can you swing by the morgue and get me a fresher dead body? Not too much trouble if you can't, but the one here is sort of...rotting.
Stranger: I'm here
You: Did you get that body?
Stranger: yea
You: Oh, good. I'll just need the head, you can throw the rest away.
Stranger: there you go
Stranger: master
You: That's nice. Thank you, John.
Stranger: no problem
Stranger: can I get some p**** please
You: I'm busy. Working.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: I'm so horny right now
You: John, you really want to do this right now? Honestly, I thought you were still in the closet.
Stranger: yea
Stranger: I'm kevin
You: Kevin?
You: ...where's John?
Stranger: yea I want tell
Stranger: your mine
You: Did Moriarty put you up to this?
Stranger: no f*** me
Stranger: baby
You: My heart belongs to John and John alone.
Stranger: I killed him talk dirty to me now
You: No you didn't, I know a killer when I see one and you're not him. Too nervous, too much sweat, and you honestly wouldn't have the time. You wouldn't have the guts either.
Stranger: I know
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: do you won't to talk dirty
You: I "won't" you to tell me what happened to John.
Stranger: Idk
You: Well, then get out of my sight.
Stranger: bye
Stranger has disconnected.
-------------------------
"I'm Microsoft Holmes. I'm a software. I'm from the planet 221B in the constellation of Baker Street. I am over 40 years old, and I am the man who's going to save your computer and all six billion Sherlock Fans on the planet below. You got a problem with that?"
