Hi! Welcome to the forum.

I read somewhere that Sherlock has learned that John deals with emotional situations by deflecting it with humour, and there are several examples of John acting this way (that I can't currently recall- anyone remember it?) So when he returns, he thinks that's exactly what John needs from him, that he'll get the most positive reaction that way.

But I think you're absolutely right in saying Sherlock had no idea just how deeply his 'death' had affected John, and that he wouldn't find it funny at all, because it was such a deep wound that still hadn't healed for him. This wasn't just their usual morbid sense of humour situation that could be laughed away with a funny accent and a scribbled French waiter 'stache. John had mourned him for two years, and still wasn't over it.

From Sherlock's perspective, he always knew he'd come back to John. I don't think he stopped to realise that for John, this was going to be the rest of his life.

By the way, when I mention Sherlock's love for John and John's for him, I'm talking platonic love.  Friendship.  Comrades-in-arms.  John repeatedly explains with great frustration to Mrs. Hudson that he and Sherlock are not a couple.  I think she assumes Sherlock is gay because he's never brought home a girlfriend--so when John moves in and they are soon inseparable, she assumes they are dating.  I don't think Sherlock is capable of that kind of relationship, at least not yet.  He may get there, but I doubt it.  No "Johnlock" for me.  When Mary said, "I like him," I knew she was the right woman for John, because she would be right in the middle of their escapades rather than being like John's interchangeable previous girlfriends who did not want to "compete with Sherlock Holmes."

Personally I think Sherlock knew only too well how John would react, he just didn't know how to deal with it.

I believe Sherlock risked it because he knew from his past experiences that John is to a very big extent fascinated with his outrageous habits and behaviour and that those habits were what attracted John to Sherlock in the first place, when John was weary with the banality of life in ASIP. Similarily, John did forgive some rather cunning manipulations aimed purely at case solving and not at reconcilliation in the past - in HOUNDS, for example. Therefore Sherlock took the risk and was not disappointed this time.

On the other hand he is shown to have changed quite a lot - think of his day with Molly, his warmth when kissing her gratefully. Or how upset he is about the client posing as his stepdaughter's online boyfriend. But I think the reason is that with these people it is easier to show feelings than with John. The closer the connection, the more fraught the relationship, the more difficult it is for Sherlock to open up. 

So is John so overcome with grief, does he blame Sherlock?

I think Sherlock expected John to react as Greg Lestrade did:  exasperation, relief, pleasure.

Last edited by cmb711 (October 12, 2016 10:49 pm)

Mary "never voices regret or apology afterward"?!!?  Not in so many words, no.  She is like Sherlock and John in avoiding that kind of vulnerability, but it's clear she is sick over the whole affair.  Not regretful, exactly--she was hiding as a matter of survival and that would not have changed, but I think she regrets the need for the lie.  The truth of her love for John and her willingness to be Mary Watson would also not have changed.

Looking back at her first meeting with Sherlock, I notice several things.  "Oh, no.  You're. . . ." and "Oh my God, oh my God, do you have any idea what you've done?"  Mostly, that line meant, "Do you have any idea how much you've hurt John?" Now, knowing what we know, I wonder if part of it was, "Thanks a lot.  Now I have to worry about your finding me out.  You may mess up the best thing that has ever happened to me."  And yet not only does she not make some excuse not to marry John and disappear in turn, but she announces, "I like [Sherlock]," and encourages John to continue the friendship.

Sherlock says, "Surely the doctor's wife is getting bored by now."  I think Mary Morsten was bored to death as a nurse in a general practice, dealing with cases like "thrush," long before she met John Watson.  When she did, she recognized a kindred spirit and thought, "At least we can be in exile together."  When Sherlock returned, she already knew enough about him to know they were all basically on the same side, and couldn't resist trying this out.

And back to the topic at hand (sorry for the Mary digression), yes, John is a remarkably forgiving person.  He knows the relationship is more important than his pride.  Despite having a hard time *voicing* feelings, he can *read* them well enough to know when they are genuine.  He is also not shy about expressing his own anger.  He does not allow himself to be walked on.  He is (later, over time) able to think about what happened and why, and decide what is most important to him. I thought this happened too fast in the subway scene.  In Mary's case, he took months figuring out how to respond.  Those were "months of silence," miserable and awkward for both, and yet neither of them left.  

John has made it clear that he is pretty much alone in the world aside from Sherlock and now Mary.  Mary is clearly very much alone as well--as is Sherlock. All three of them would be very slow to give up on relationships that are their "home base" and give their lives meaning.  They are basically healthy relationships.  Even Sherlock's outrageous behavior never, ever comes from a place of purposefully wanting to harm John or anyone else.  It's frequently a ploy to help him keep his distance, but by Season 3 he is learning that "alone keeps me safe" isn't true.  When he becomes aware that he has hurt someone, he tries to make amends.  None of these people are abusive; just wounded; and because they share some similar wounds, they understand each other.

(Another off the subject comment:  when Sherlock shoots CAM, he shows no outward emotional response.  The image of the child Sherlock is in tears.  I don't think Sherlock has ever actually killed anyone before.  Knowing that CAM "need[ed] to be killed" doesn't change the shock of it for him.  I wonder if John has ever killed anyone?  We have flashbacks of him in battle scenes, so probably, but as an army doctor he would have been focused on saving people, not shooting them.)

I would call shooting Sherlock "abusive" but maybe we should have that discussion at the Mary thread. :-)

As for clueless Sherlock (to come back to the topic) it could be a matter of low self-esteem. He voiced at the wedding that he never thought to be anybody's close friend. I doubt he realized he was important enough to leave him devastated. :-(

Because John's feelings for Sherlock were a lot deeper than Greg's. Hence, he felt the betrayal worse than Greg.