BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » How would Sherlock be in a relationship?

Vhanja · January 9, 2015 10:56 pm

Ok, I think this is an interesting question. Let's for a moment imagine Sherlock in a relationship. It could be with John, Irene, Janine or anyone else. Point isn't who is with, but let's say that he is in a romantic and mutual loving releationship. (I'm basing this entirely on BBC Sherlock).

How would he be as a boyfriend?

I think this is an interesting question, because I see so many fanfics that completely changes his personality and make him into a fluff bunny as a boyfriend, and I personally don't find that realistic. Yes, of course in a relationship everbody (or at lest most people) will show a different side than they do to everbody else, but you don't suddenly change your entire personality.

So in the day-to-day life, how would he be? This is my take on it:

Sherlock is seen to be a very "all-or-nothing" kind of person. Either it's boring and he ignroes it, or he goes all in. If he were to invest in a relationship, I imagine he would go all in. He has a bossy and rather possessive personality, and will easily become jealous. He likes to be the center of attention and have no interest in mundane activities - unless he wants to make the people he care about happy. He is incredibly warm, caring and loyal, and would die for the one he loves without hesitation.

But here's a rather dark aspect - the scene with Mary's ex in TSoT. It's played for laugh, and it works in a tv show. But the behaviour from Sherlock in this scene is actually quite terrifying and crosses all the Not Good lines you can cross. And if this is something he is willing to do with the ex of his friend's wife, imagine if his own partner has an ex that becomes interesting? This goes back to his ruthless and possessive personality, and I think it's fair to say that if a situation of jealousy with an ex should come into play, Sherlock is shown to be capable to head straight into Not Good territory.

Apart from that I think he would go to great lengths to make his partner happy, endure boring movies and tedious mundane tasks to make his partner happy - to a certain extent. But he would also require the main focus and attention, and he would probably be rubbish in a fight, rarely able to deal with emotions in a grown up way. His temper tantrums and need of instant gratification would be a source of great annoyance for his partner.

So - what do you guys think?

Last edited by Vhanja (January 9, 2015 10:56 pm)

Harriet · January 9, 2015 11:04 pm

(This might belong to "Character Analysis" )

Vhanja · January 9, 2015 11:10 pm

Oh, that is true. Would any mod want to move it?

Schmiezi · January 10, 2015 7:57 am

I hope my answer can be moved along, because I agree, it is an interesting question. I am writing Johnlock, so of course I have to wonder about it from time to time

I am sure that Sherlock would be the "all" from "all-or-nothing", as you said it.

I can also imagine him being bossy. But like many bossy people I know, I can easily see him happy with a partner who doesn't allow himself being bossed around.That is why Johnlock works so well for me. I can't see Molly doing that on a regular base, for example.

The fun part about writing Sherlock in a relationship is that there are endless possibilities. He could be obsessively romantic or completely unromantic. He could be deeply insecure or absolutely self-assured. His character is shown as ambiguously as everyone else's, so you can always go both ways without being completely OOC.

The only thing I cannot see him doing at all is having those looooong talks about feelings and stuff.

mrshouse · January 10, 2015 8:38 am

I agree that talking at lenghts about feelings is not his area....
I think that we have seen a couple of times that he can be quite a soft lump, who can get jealous, teary-eyed and very very emotional when someone he cares for gets concerned in any way. Yes, maybe he can get bossy, but somehow I picture him more as giving in to his soft side and enjoy being comforted a bit. And I imagine him being hellish insecure and confused about being a loveable and adorable person.

Last edited by mrshouse (January 10, 2015 8:41 am)

Liberty · January 10, 2015 10:01 am

It's an interesting question, and I agree that he wouldn't be much different in a relationship than he is out of it.   I mean, we see him "in a relationship" of sorts with John (close friends who love each other, living together, working together).

I agree that the scenes with Mary's ex-boyfriend are creepy.   But this is during a point when Sherlock is acting out of character and becoming obsessed with the details of the wedding.   And he's trying to protect John rather than being jealous himself. He doesn't even research Mary - just her guests. He seems to trust Mary and John.

He's jealous when he sees Sholto, but I think it's fairly reasonable jealousy (even if it seems a little immature) - he thought his relationship with John was unique, that HE was unique in John's eyes, and now he finds out John has already had an adoring friendship with somebody of a similar type, AND has kept the extent of it secret. Sherlock doesn't do anything about it - there is no manipulation, no threats or recriminations, etc. He seems to recognise that it's not a worthy emotion for him to have, and he doesn't act on it (which does take a certain amount of maturity). And he ends up saving Sholto's life - partly by using the very information that made him jealous .

So I think it's possible that Sherlock would just trust the person he fell for, and not be particularly jealous (at least, not without reason).   He's quite self-centred, and I can see him just ignoring parts of the person's life that don't involve him.   If there was jealousy, I think it might even be more likely to be non-sexual (e.g. he might be put out if his partner thought somebody was cleverer than him!).

I've got lots more to say about him in relationship, but just looking at jealousy seems to have taken up a whole post!

Last edited by Liberty (January 10, 2015 10:03 am)

ejleigh · January 12, 2015 12:14 pm

distant

besleybean · January 12, 2015 5:20 pm

Well, starting from the base that it's never gonna happen,l can speculate...
He could be adventurous, fun and very loyal...but he could also be a total pain.

SusiGo · January 12, 2015 5:23 pm

Where do you get the information that it will never happen? You seem to know more than the rest of us.

REReader · January 12, 2015 5:31 pm

Starting from the base assumption that it would never happen is just as valid as an assumption as that it would.

Vhanja · January 12, 2015 5:32 pm

Well, the thread isn't for speculations of whether it might happen or not. It's just purely a theoretical one - HOW would he be as a boyfriend IF he was in a relationship.

besleybean · January 12, 2015 6:19 pm

Which I answered.

Schmiezi · January 12, 2015 7:49 pm

I am sure that because of his deduction skills, he would be perfect in bed.

besleybean · January 12, 2015 7:52 pm

Well I think he might study it!

Vhanja · January 12, 2015 7:54 pm

Schmiezi wrote:
I am sure that because of his deduction skills, he would be perfect in bed.

Ben has actually already answered that question.

permanentlyonhiatus · February 1, 2015 7:29 pm

I totally agree!!! Honestly, I love pretty much all Johnlock fanfics because it takes a lot of talent to write and I could never do it. But when people make Sherlock into a cuddly bunny type boyfriend, I just have to think about what would happen in 'real life'. I love how you brought up his chat with Marys ex in TSoT. I think if he went into a relationship with John, nothing about his personality would change. He would still be a selfish ignorant bastard, he would just be in a relationship with John. Thank you so much for stating this; I've thought about it a lot before.

Vhanja · February 1, 2015 7:36 pm

permanentlyonhiatus wrote:
I totally agree!!! Honestly, I love pretty much all Johnlock fanfics because it takes a lot of talent to write and I could never do it. But when people make Sherlock into a cuddly bunny type boyfriend, I just have to think about what would happen in 'real life'. I love how you brought up his chat with Marys ex in TSoT. I think if he went into a relationship with John, nothing about his personality would change. He would still be a selfish ignorant bastard, he would just be in a relationship with John. Thank you so much for stating this; I've thought about it a lot before.

Welcome to the forum - and I'm glad you agree! I see it like that too. Of course, in a relationship there would be a level of intimacy and warmth that you won't see with anyone else, and thus we more or less haven't seen yet at all (only a faked version with Janine), but apart from that, I don't see him changing his personality in a relationship.

Also, feel free to introduce yourself in the Introduction-section of the forum.

Lola Red · February 1, 2015 8:10 pm

Interesting question. I am tempted to say: all of the above.
I think if he would choose to be in a relationship (and I think he could, I don’t think there is anything wrong with him in that regard, he simply chooses not to go there) he would still be just as pseudo bi-polar as we see him now. Self-centred but willing to do almost anything for his partner. Arrogant, yet insecure. Loving and distant depending on the day. Ignorant to the most obvious hints of just once paying the cab fair and than transforming 221B into a sea of flowers after an absent-minded remark of his partner liking a patch of daisies in the park. He would still be rude and hurtful, without always meaning to be so and than confused when his partner gets upset. In turn the most understanding (hate, rage) and the most thick (sadness, romance) person in emotional matters. And in bed… well I have read Benedict’s remarks and …oh my goodness

Last edited by Lola Red (February 1, 2015 8:19 pm)

Vhanja · February 1, 2015 8:13 pm

Lola Red wrote:
Interesting question. I am tempted to say: all of the above.
I think if he would choose to be in a relationship (and I think he could, I don’t think there is anything wrong with him in that regard, he simply chooses not to go there) he would still be just as semi bi-polar as we see him now. Self-centred but willing to do almost anything for his partner. Arrogant, yet insecure. Loving and distant depending on the day. Ignorant to the most obvious hints of just once paying the cab fair and than transforming 221B into a sea of flowers after an absent-minded remark of his partner liking a patch of daisies in the park. He would still be rude and hurtful, without always meaning to be so and than confused when his partner gets upset. In turn the most understanding (hate, rage) and the most thick (sadness, romance) person in emotional matters. And in bed… well I have read Benedict’s remarks and …oh my goodness

Good summary, I agree whole-heartedly!

As for Ben's remarks... oh my, it felt like reading fanfiction. I actually refused to believe it was him first time I read it.