This is an interesting question you bring up, and I like your musings.

I think this goes both ways. Yes, I think Sherlock might be better with people, and more interested in them, if not for Mycroft. Perhaps. (I don't think he has Asberger's either). 

But on the other hand, Mycroft and his influenes gives Sherlock the leniency he is so used too. What would he do without Mycroft's influence and ability to save him from all the trouble he gets into, and aid him in all his cases?

So I should mention that I'm looking at this from the perspective of someone who has a younger sibling. My sister and I are very close, but she's 6 years younger than me and I tended to "parent" her quite a bit. When she hit her teenage years, it actually became quite difficult to treat her like an adult/equal and not appear condesending. I strongly suspect that part of the reason that Sherlock resents Mycroft is because he feels like Mycroft still treats him as a child. However, I think it's more complicated than that.

It says a great deal about their relationship that every time Mycroft appears in Sherlock's mind palace, he's (rather condesendingly) explaining something. It's likely that  "mind palace Mycroft" more accurately represents their relationship when they were younger. It was probably less adversarial and more of Mycroft trying to teach Sherlock general knowledge as well as "life lessons" of sorts. For example, the Mycroft in Sherlock's mind palace in TSoT says something to the effect of "What do we always say about coincidence?"  and Sherlock instantly responds with "the universe is rarely so lazy." You can almost imagine that quote popping into Sherlock's mind every time the police deem something in an investigation a coincidence.

When they're younger, Mycroft tries to teach Sherlock everything he knows. However, eventually Sherlock starts rejecting his advice/influence. So Mycroft tries to treat his brother like an adult that's capable of handling his own problems and dealing with dangerous situations. He knows Sherlock well enough to know that he can handle a couple of CIA operatives or even a terrorist network. I find it a bit ironic that Sherlock is whining about Mycroft treating him like a child while being handed a highly dangerous and top-secret case that they won't even trust their own operatives with. Mycroft has an excellent understanding of Sherlock's abilities and knows exactly what size "dragon" Sherlock is capable of facing. That's why he apologizes to Sherlock in SiB, he feels guilty because he underestimated the threat she posed to Sherlock. Meanwhile, Sherlock is left feeling like Mycroft is coddling him and like Mycroft doesn't trust him with the bigger and more important stuff. That's also why Sherlock doesn't like it when his brother wants him to work on a case, because he feels like if it were anything interesting Mycroft wouldn't give it to him. The reality is that Mycroft is trusting Sherlock with a great deal, but Sherlock is tantalized by forbidden fruit like CAM.

And TBH Mycroft can't win because when he decides that Sherlock can handle being tortured in Serbia, Sherlock acts like he's heartless for not intervening. But if he intervenes when Sherlock is apparently relapsing, he's just being overprotective. It's a bit like being the parent of a teenager.

The other thing is that the nature of Mycroft's job means that he knows a lot more about things like governmental activities and CAM. He shares certain things with Sherlock, but Sherlock knows that he's omitting certain information and potentially not giving him the full picture. Which makes Sherlock feel like Mycroft is coddling him or trying to protect him from the more interesting stuff. Sherlock is Sherlock, and it aggrevates him to know that he doesn't know everything or have the full picture.

Plus Mycroft is such an all-knowing drama queen that Sherlock is probably slightly paranoid that his older brother might be pulling strings to protect Sherlock without telling him he's doing so. Which obviously gets under Sherlock's skin.

TL;DR: Mycroft generally treats Sherlock as an adult but steps in when he thinks (generally correctly) that Sherlock is out of his depth. This aggravates Sherlock and makes him feel like Mycroft is shielding him even when he doesn't know it.

Last edited by melissak334 (January 1, 2015 11:48 pm)

Hey thanks for starting this discussion. The Holmes sibling's dynamic is the second most fascinating dynamic in the show to me. The nature of Mycorft and Sherlock's relationship is still pretty much implied and open to discussion/ interpretation but as you start to see them interact more and more and get to know what kind of people they are you can start theorizing. Anyways, as far as I've known nobody is as meticulous and insightful in interpretating Sherlock and Mycroft's relationship as LSit. She has described is one of her writings how Sherlock and Mycroft's moral philosophies clash and how Mycroft interacts with Sherlock. Don't mind me quoting this portion which pretty much sums up how I interpret Mycroft's actions:

"...Mycroft clearly cares for Sherlock a great deal. He is genuine when he tells John, “I worry about him constantly,” in A Study in Pink, and when he tells Sherlock, “Your loss would break my heart,” in His Last Vow. He kidnaps Sherlock’s prospective friends to ensure they can handle Sherlock, so Sherlock doesn’t get attached and heartbroken when they leave. He frets over Sherlock’s drug problem and goes to great lengths to ensure Sherlock is doing well: he offers to pay John to spy on Sherlock, and asks John about Sherlock all the time. We also know that Mycroft urges Sherlock to work for him instead of being a consulting detective, so Mycroft can’t possibly feel as coldly toward Sherlock as his demeanor would suggest; that’s just how Mycroft is. Mycroft shows his love by controlling Sherlock’s life.
 
Naturally, Sherlock resents Mycroft for it. Sherlock tried being like Mycroft and it makes him unhappy. No one ever said their relationship was entirely healthy. However, given just how reckless and emotional Sherlock is, it’s hard to entirely blame Mycroft for literally playing the part of “big brother” and watching Sherlock’s every move.
 
Who knows what happened in the past to contribute to this, but we get two hints: Sherlock was ruined when his dog Redbeard was put down, and apparently there was another Holmes sibling that is no longer in the picture. Whatever the reason, Mycroft knows Sherlock is an emotional wreck just a step away from death. He treats Sherlock like a child because Sherlock acts like a child — even if that’s probably the fault of Mycroft’s earlier influence: Sherlock tried so hard to be Mycroft, and Mycroft presumably encouraged him in this, that Sherlock never got to grow up like a normal person. Sherlock has to grow up later in life than other people and Mycroft wants to let this happen now, but for the time being Mycroft can’t entirely relinquish his influence over Sherlock because Mycroft must always play damage control.
 
It’s important to remember that Mycroft cares about Sherlock, because the other way of interpreting a lot of the evidence to come is that Mycroft is simply a sociopath and doesn’t care if Sherlock lives or dies. That doesn’t make any sense, however: if Mycroft wanted Sherlock dead, it would be easy for him to arrange. And if Mycroft didn’t care about Sherlock’s well-being, he wouldn’t waste so much time and resources making sure he’s okay. Furthermore, we’ll get subtext in The Sign of Three that Mycroft wants Moriarty dead: Mycroft isn’t doing Moriarty’s bidding because he wants to or anything.
 
The second thing about Mycroft is that, despite being more isolated than Sherlock, Mycroft knows more about human nature than Sherlock does. Mycroft is eerily tuned into people’s psychology, as demonstrated by his insight into John before he even met John. He understood John better than John’s therapist.
 
Accordingly, we can assume that Mycroft understands Sherlock very well, certainly better than anyone else does, and better than Sherlock understands himself. Mycroft warns Sherlock off caring for people for Sherlock’s own good, but Mycroft also sees it doesn’t work. Mycroft’s not stupid. Before the show even begins Mycroft must know that he isn’t going to change Sherlock in that regard. But at the same time, no one can stand Sherlock for long, so warning Sherlock off sentiment is a stop-gap solution to keep him alive.
 
What’s worse, Sherlock rejects help from Mycroft, which makes it even more difficult for Mycroft to look after him.
 
Mycroft knows the absolute best thing that could happen to both him and Sherlock is for Sherlock to find someone who can stand him — hopefully romantically, so they never leave or split their attention away from Sherlock, who desperately needs it. It seems impossible, but Mycroft keeps trying: everyone he kidnaps will either get scared away — good — or they won’t — even better. John Watson is Mycroft’s golden ticket and Mycroft knows it. If Mycroft didn’t want Sherlock to have friends at all, he could outright threaten them to make them leave. He doesn’t do that.
 
We’ll see as the show goes on that Mycroft keeps encouraging and forcing John’s involvement in things, even while Mycroft tells Sherlock caring is not an advantage. Mycroft clearly wants John to stay around. Past that, Mycroft knows that losing John would ruin Sherlock, so ideally Mycroft needs John to stay around forever.
 
Third, we know that while Mycroft tries to control Sherlock’s life, Mycroft prefers not to give Sherlock the answers. In Sherlock’s mind palace, Mycroft asks him leading questions. When they play deductions, Mycroft tries to simply nudge Sherlock in the right direction. If Mycroft did all the work for him, Sherlock would never learn anything.
 
And this applies even more to emotional things. We’ll see Mycroft try to steer Sherlock around emotional mistakes, but Mycroft won’t actually stop Sherlock from making the mistakes because Mycroft knows that’s the best way for Sherlock to learn. Furthermore, Mycroft has even more reason to refrain from giving Sherlock the answers: he tried to tell Sherlock how to live his life in the past, and that’s exactly why Sherlock turned out so fucked up and unable to function as an adult. Mycroft has to walk a fine line here, so it’s a good thing for Sherlock his brother is a genius.
 
Fourth, Mycroft knows that Sherlock is inclined to do the exact opposite of what Mycroft suggests. Mycroft repeatedly outplays Sherlock in this regard as the show goes on to get Sherlock to do what he wants anyway, without ever letting on that’s what he’s doing. And it goes over Sherlock’s head every time. Mycroft only messes this up when he forbids Sherlock to do something in the heat of the moment, before Mycroft thinks it through.
 
Mycroft knows exactly what buttons to push to get Sherlock to do what he wants. Mycroft could never show outright approval for John’s place in Sherlock’s life, or Sherlock might rebel. If Mycroft keeps showing subtle disapproval or indifference, though, Sherlock will rebel in the right direction."

This reading is reinforced again at the end of ASIB:

“Mycroft didn’t smoke at the morgue, but when he meets John outside Speedy’s [at the end of ASiB], he does. John even says, “You don’t smoke.” Sherlock isn’t the only one who smokes when he can’t handle sentiment: Mycroft is worried about Sherlock, and we’ll see him smoke again for the same reason later. But why is Mycroft worried now? Didn’t Sherlock just demonstrate the ideals Mycroft had hoped to instill in him? Sherlock rejected romance completely, so he’s safe from danger nights now, right? And why bring the Irene Adler file to John?
 
Well, because Mycroft worries Sherlock got entirely the wrong message about love. We know Mycroft isn’t a complete sociopath himself: he may believe the ends justify the means, he may be willing to work with bad people if it means saving lives, he might not care if bad people die, and he might not particularly like or relate to other people, but he does have a heart that can be broken — Sherlock lets us know this in The Empty Hearse— and he does care about Sherlock. Sherlock’s show of cruelty visibly disturbed him. Plus Mycroft knows Sherlock can’t live without love, despite whatever Sherlock might say — it hasn’t been working for Sherlock, to say the least — and John Watson may not stick around forever if that’s Sherlock’s stance.
 
Mycroft tells John, “I am about to go and inform my brother — or, if you prefer, you are — that [Irene Adler] somehow got herself into a witness protection scheme in America.” If Mycroft ever intended to tell Sherlock himself, he would have simply done it. He brought it to John because he wants John to do it. So why does Mycroft want John to do it?
 
First: Mycroft must know that Sherlock saved Irene. There is no way Mycroft has Sherlock on “grade three” surveillance and failed to notice Sherlock left the country, especially to a place like Pakistan, where the British government undoubtedly closely monitors the comings and goings of its citizens. The reason the file on Irene doesn’t say she died in Karachi, and instead says she’s in a witness protection program in America, is because she didn’t die in Karachi and really is in a witness protection program in America. After all, saving Irene once wouldn’t have done much good: people would just keep going after her.
 
Second: Mycroft would not tell John that Irene is dead if he truly thought Irene is dead, because there’d be a risk that John would tell Sherlock. The last time Irene was dead Mycroft worried Sherlock would do drugs, plus Sherlock at least cared enough to save her, so Mycroft can’t risk Sherlock thinking Irene really did turn up dead. Instead, Mycroft has knowingly given John two options that Mycroft knows will not upset Sherlock: the truth about the witness protection program, or the lie about Karachi where Sherlock knows he actually saved Irene. If John tells Sherlock Irene was executed in Karachi, Sherlock would be glad: if the British government believes that Irene is dead, her enemies probably believe it too. And if John tells Sherlock Irene got into a witness protection program, he’ll be glad she found a way to be safe and he’ll quit worrying about her.
 
So what may we deduce about Mycroft’s motives? He wants John to think Irene is dead. That’s the only reason to involve John. Otherwise Mycroft would have simply told Sherlock himself that Irene was in a witness protection program, or Mycroft wouldn’t have even given John an alternate story to the “witness protection” story.
 
So why would Mycroft want John to think Irene is dead? Why would that possibly matter to John? Well, Mycroft wants John to quit thinking that Sherlock could be carrying on some kind of long distance relationship with Irene — which, of course, we’ll see that John had wondered about because John goes on to ask Sherlock if Irene ever texted him again.
 
But of course, we also see that Mycroft doesn’t want John to think Sherlock has no heart at all, because he won’t let John think that Sherlock loathed Irene either — which is further proof that Mycroft knows Sherlock saved her: based on Sherlock’s behavior toward her in Mycroft’s office, Mycroft would otherwise have every reason to truly believe Sherlock hated her. And Mycroft tellingly refutes John’s assertion that Sherlock “doesn’t feel things that way” without saying that Sherlock felt that way about Irene either: Mycroft walks a careful line that allows John to think Sherlock is both capable of love, and romantically available. Odd behavior from someone who presumably doesn’t want his brother to care about anyone, and should have been glad to see his brother reject romance as destructive.
 
Clearly, Mycroft wants John involved with his brother — and romantically at that: after all, John is seemingly at peace with the idea Sherlock can’t feel things for people, and is in no danger of moving out at the moment. John doesn’t say that Sherlock is incapable of friendship or anything. Given that Mycroft’s aim has been, at minimum, to find someone who can handle Sherlock platonically, you’d think Mycroft would be happy to let John think this: John won’t have high expectations of Sherlock. There is no reason for Mycroft to disrupt this equilibrium and shift John’s expectations unless he wants John to pursue Sherlock romantically. And why wouldn’t Mycroft want that? The alternative is John eventually finds a romantic partner and moves out, and then Mycroft would have to worry about Sherlock as much or more than he used to.
 
Furthermore, if it were really still Mycroft’s goal that Sherlock be alone and not care about people, he would be glad to hear that he’s apparently successfully molded Sherlock in his image. But Mycroft isn’t happy. He knows it isn’t true, and does not think for a moment it could be true. Mycroft knows Sherlock won’t change, so the only solution is that Sherlock have someone loyal and reliable to love.
 
Mycroft knows he’s sitting across from the only viable candidate right now: John Watson has killed for and has proven willing to die for Sherlock. Of course Mycroft wants him to be with his brother. Of course Mycroft can’t let John believe Sherlock is incapable of returning his feelings.
 
In short, Mycroft suggests to John that Sherlock may be capable of romantic feelings so John doesn’t give up on Sherlock romantically. There is little other reason for Mycroft to care about John’s perception of Sherlock’s capacity for romance.
 
Specifically, Mycroft tries to get John to think about it by asking leading questions, the same way he always has when he wants Sherlock to figure something out for himself: “My brother has the brain of a scientist or a philosopher, yet he elects to be a detective. What might we deduce about his heart?” Well, plenty: Sherlock cares about people, and justice. Sherlock is sincere when he says he puts aside his feelings so he can think clearly enough to help people, however aloof it makes him seem. John, however, says, “I don’t know.” Mycroft says, “Neither do I. But initially he wanted to be a pirate,” and makes an odd, regretful face, which is further evidence that Mycroft probably knows Sherlock went on an adventure to save Irene.
 
John says Sherlock “will be okay with this… never seeing her again, he’ll be fine.” Mycroft says, “I agree.” He knows now Sherlock isn’t/wasn’t in love with Irene. If Mycroft still suspected he was, Mycroft would be more concerned, because Sherlock can’t even handle losing friends. If people matter to Sherlock they don’t need to die to upset him, they just have to leave; that’s why Mycroft kidnaps Sherlock’s prospective friends, after all, to make sure they’re not going to stick around only to leave later. So no: it would upset Sherlock to know that Irene died, but that’s it — the same way Sherlock was upset that the blind old woman got blown up in The Great Game, except somewhat worse for having known Irene personally. And indeed, we see that Sherlock handles Irene’s absence quite well: he never texts her again, and in The Sign of Three we’ll find out that he hasn’t kept up with Irene at all since he saved her. Sherlock merely needed enough closure to stick her in a drawer and move on with his life.
 
When Mycroft tells John he’s certain that Irene’s dead, that she didn’t fake it, Mycroft says, “I was thorough this time.” Mycroft couldn’t possibly have been, or he’d know she’s alive. Conclusion: he knows Irene is alive and he’s lying to John. He goes on, “It would take Sherlock Holmes to fool me. And I don’t think he was on hand, do you?” We haven’t seen Sherlock fool Mycroft yet, and we have no reason to believe he has this time. So why does Mycroft say this? Sherlock will tell us in The Reichenbach Fall that the way to make lies more palatable is to wrap them in the truth. Mycroft knows that John didn’t realize Sherlock ran off to save Irene, so this is a palatable lie: it makes it sound convincing, so John won’t think Irene faked her death and is still out there somewhere.
 
Furthermore, Mycroft doesn’t want to worry that John will ever find out Sherlock saved Irene, or John would get the wrong idea. If John thinks Irene is alive, there’s always the risk he’ll ask Sherlock what happened to her, and the risk Sherlock might tell him. Mycroft has set up a scenario where John and Sherlock will never discuss Irene again.
 
The other quote about lies from TRF: “Everybody wants to believe it. That’s what makes it so clever. The lie that’s preferable to the truth.” John would rather believe Irene is dead than alive, so he buys it.
 
Mycroft slides the file across the table to John and says, “So. What should we tell Sherlock?” Mycroft gets to hear straight from John Watson whether he thinks Sherlock would be upset to hear Irene is dead, and if so, whether John would tell Sherlock something he thinks will needlessly break Sherlock’s heart. John Watson, of course, passes Mycroft’s test with flying colors: he chooses to say Irene is alive and safe. Mycroft can rest easy knowing that John is a suitable companion for his brother — John acts selflessly by letting Sherlock think Irene is alive — and that John is again considering the idea that Sherlock may have a heart after all.
 
Someone who wasn’t a super genius would have just told their brother Irene was in a witness protection program. What a wasted opportunity that would have been.
 
But why does Mycroft play these games? Why doesn’t he simply say something to either of them?
 
Well, first of all, if Moriarty found out Mycroft pushed John and Sherlock into a relationship, who knows what Moriarty would do. Jim almost certainly has the flat bugged so it would be difficult to hide, which is probably one reason Mycroft met John at Speedy’s instead of 221B some time when Sherlock was out. So: Moriarty can’t punish Mycroft, or threaten to punish Sherlock for something Mycroft did, if Mycroft didn’t do anything.
 
Second of all, Mycroft knows Sherlock: if Mycroft said anything to Sherlock, or John mentioned to Sherlock that Mycroft had said something to him, Sherlock would rebel against the idea like he always rebels against whatever Mycroft wants. Sherlock would tell Mycroft (and himself) that Mycroft doesn’t know anything about relationships and can’t possibly be right about John’s feelings. Sherlock would also have reason to suspect Mycroft was actually trying to get him to scare John off.
 
Third, neither of them would take emotional advice from Mycroft, and one could hardly blame them given Mycroft’s cold demeanor. John in particular would be suspicious of Mycroft’s motives and think he was being manipulated into something. Plus whatever Mycroft might say, John would be reluctant to believe him over Sherlock’s mix of asexual and sociopathic behavior. John is unwilling to risk losing Sherlock, and feels he’s already been rejected twice.
 
Fourth, and perhaps most importantly, Mycroft wants them to have a real relationship where they can actually handle one another, which means they have to figure things out for themselves at their own pace. Mycroft always taught Sherlock deductions in a Socratic way, nudging Sherlock to figure things out for himself, and now he’s trying to do the same thing with emotional issues. Mycroft realizes now that Sherlock’s biggest problem is that Mycroft never let him live his life or learn how to make decisions for himself, so Mycroft is through giving Sherlock answers and telling him what to do. Mycroft can’t push John or Sherlock to do something too soon and potentially ruin everything, especially when there’s no telling if Sherlock even recognizes his feelings for what they are (and Mycroft might suspect right now that Sherlock doesn’t, because Sherlock doesn’t). Sherlock needs to psychologically ready himself for a relationship, however long that takes. All Mycroft can do is gently navigate them both past their misperceptions about one another.”

and again during their telephone conversation at John's wedding:

...“Mycroft then begins to bait Sherlock to realize his feelings for John by pointing out how different things are going to be: for starters, Mycroft points out that he expects he’ll see a lot more of Sherlock. Mycroft knows Sherlock won’t like that.
 
Then Mycroft says, “It’s the end of an era, isn’t it? John and Mary: domestic bliss.” Sherlock says he prefers to think of it as the beginning of a new chapter, and Mycroft says nothing and smiles enigmatically. The silence riles Sherlock up and he tries to make Mycroft explain, but Mycroft just makes him think ahead to how awful it will be to socialize that evening.
 
And then Mycroft says something to really make Sherlock think: “This is what people do, Sherlock: they get married.” John was always going to have a romantic relationship with someone. If Sherlock wants to keep John, he’d have to provide that. That sort of thing is, after all, what people do, and Sherlock would do well to consider it for himself.
 
Mycroft then adds, “I warned you: don’t get involved.” We remember that Mycroft has always tried to keep John close to Sherlock, and we also know that Mycroft has to realize the futility of this warning, therefore he’s most likely employing reverse psychology to ensure Sherlock goes against what Mycroft wants. After all, every time Mycroft tells Sherlock to stay away from a case, he observes that Sherlock only becomes more interested and won’t let up.
 
Sherlock immediately begins to protest that he’s not involved, and Mycroft drips insincerity when he says he absolutely believes Sherlock, he really does. Mycroft was clearly expecting this reaction: again, if he truly wanted to make Sherlock give up on John, he would have used another tactic. And we know Mycroft couldn’t possibly want Sherlock to be miserable for no good reason, because that’s danger night fuel and Mycroft spent the first two series working against that.
 
Mycroft then baits Sherlock to simultaneously remember how sad he was when he lost Redbeard, and deny that he’s still a child — the latter of which is especially important if Sherlock is to consider romance and sex as attainable goals for himself.”

Wellingtoongoose has quite a lot of awesome metas about Sherlock, including a few about Sherlock and Mycroft:

http://wellingtongoose.tumblr.com/post/40248330269/the-holmes-brothers-equal-but-different
http://wellingtongoose.tumblr.com/post/48071639370/the-holmes-brothers-and-mummy-a-psychoanalysis
http://wellingtongoose.tumblr.com/post/72142079114/the-empty-hearse-holmes-brothers-reunited