BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » D'you think Sherlock has ever had a girlfriend?

Sammy · June 25, 2012 1:16 pm

Hm, I don't think he ever had a (romantic) relationship. Not a healthy one, that is.
That has only to do with his personality... there are few people he would get involved with and then there are also very few people who would endure him.
He might have made some experiences, though. I think he did. Who doesn't? Just... without being romantically involved with the person.

I don't think he's asexual. It's more the "married to his job" thing, the way he puts his brainwork over everything. "Monk", like Moffat said.

ancientsgate · June 25, 2012 1:32 pm

imane nikko wrote:
Another quote from Moffat, from this Guardian article (http://m.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2012/jan/20/steven-moffat-sherlock-doctor-who?cat=tv-and-radio&type=article):
"It's the choice of a monk, not the choice of an asexual. If he was asexual, there would be no tension in that, no fun in that – it's someone who abstains who's interesting."

I don't know the first thing about asexuality, but my common sense tells me that the way it presents might be as varied as the people who would identify in that way; humans are complex creatures, and the reasons for our individual foibles, and the various ways those foibles would appear to others, are often hard to pigeon-hole.

I absolutely agree that there's got to be a huge difference between choosing to be non-sexual (whether a monk, who sees chastity as a calling, or someone like Sherlock, who is busy, distracted, incapable of the social graces, and not interested in dealing with the fallout about that from others) and being asexual as an orientation. Both things result in a life of no sexual activity with someone else, but the reasons behind that state of sex-less-ness have got to be very, very different, between those who choose it and those who are, as it were, born to it.

VivaCohen · June 26, 2012 3:48 pm

Nah I don't think so. They've made a pretty big deal about him being a virgin and most likely not ever having a girlfriend or a boyfriend. We never get a straight answer but I think we're suppose to lean towards no.

Sherlock Holmes · June 28, 2012 10:21 am

Whether he chooses to do it or not....he doesn't see people in that way. He doesn't look at people and say, "she's fit" or "he's handsome" or "I wouldn't mind a bit of that"...the thought just doesn't occur to him....That to me implies a certain level of asexuality.

Dramagod · June 28, 2012 11:14 am

No. I re-watched ASIP yesterday and everything in Sherlock's behaviour tells me he hasn't had a girlfried/boyfriend. In episode 2 he doesn't seem to know at all what a date with a girl contains. Of course he could be joking in John's expense but I don't think so. Sherlock loves puzzles, he doesn't have time for women nor people with lower IQ than his, unless he benefits from them somehow.

ancientsgate · June 28, 2012 6:29 pm

He's a pretty good-lookin' guy, and smart, and can be quite funny-- I love when he has a giggle with John. His sense of humor is unique, like the rest of him. He's pretty emotional, for an unemotional guy-- he sulks, he shoots the wall 'cause he's bored, he gets offended when John gets pissed at him. The man is not dead. He's all male, he has two eyes in his head, he's careful about his appearance ("nasty neat", as one of my friends would say), he's educated (even if he has deleted the useless stuff about how the earth revolves around the sun and not vice versa, lolololol). Tall, striking, bright eyed, a snappy dresser who stays fit, and absolutely not stupid enough to believe he's not attractive.

So. IMO he could definitely attract anyone of either gender who was available and looking. But I imagine he decided long ago that taking a lover is waaaaay more trouble than it's worth. Yeah, you get sex, but let's face it, you can get sex with your own right hand, and your right hand will never ask anything of you except to wash it once in a while and keep the nails trimmed. Lovers want.... stuff. Stuff like cuddling and love talk and small talk and gifts. They want you to be considerate, keep a civil tongue in your head, and for crying out loud, if you want to sleep with me, keep your big fat trap shut about what you think are my shortcomings. And can you actually picture Sherlock doing any of that? He wouldn't be interested in doing the work necessary to keep a lover of either gender happy and interested.

Of course, there's always prostitutes. If he wants sex and nothing else, he could pay for it. I can't see him doing that, but mostly because I don't WANT to see him doing that.

Just because someone has no visible girlfriend or boyfriend doesn't mean they're asexual. Just sayin'.

Last edited by ancientsgate (June 28, 2012 6:30 pm)

deerstalker · June 28, 2012 8:20 pm

Ancientsgate, I agree with your post.
Being extremely smart does not preclude being extremely sexual.
In Sherlock's case, though, intellect predominates to such a degree that the calculation of trouble and distraction that is a relationship makes it not worth it in his system of values. I have no idea whether he is asexual ( official sources seem to have a variety of opinions- even Cumberbatch says he was in love one day, not in love- the other). What is indisputable, though, that it is not worth for Sherlock to invest in a relationship. Sex matters less than "being oneself". John is able to sneak into his life ( and I don't mean sexually) because he provides a perfect combination of devotion, admiration, companionship and very few demands. In fact, emotional demands make Sherlock lash out time and time again ("I don't have friends..."). He becomes attached to John pretty much against himself, and even with no strings attached puts him through the ringer. No lover could, or should, be able to withstand it ( and that's the reason I always root for John to have a relationship on the side. I don't want him as a martyr).
As for sex- I imagine it'll happen for Sherlock at some point- according to Moffat- but as an experience rather than as a relationship.

Last edited by deerstalker (June 28, 2012 8:26 pm)

Sentimental Pulse · June 28, 2012 10:00 pm

hepzibah wrote:
Benedict says in an interview that Sherlock is just too busy to have sex

I'm paraphrasing here but isn't there a scene in SiB when Sherlock says if he wants to look at naked women, he would borrow John's computer and John says something like "You DO borrow my computer".(snicker). We know John is more or less straight because of all the girlfriends and I would like to think that Sherlock has tried sex with either men or women and decided that it's just not worth the trouble because the body is just transport (he should try an Aussie chick, wait, did I just type that out loud!)

Well Ben. Sherlock spends a fair bit of time laying about waiting for cases to emerge. Surely he could venture out to meet some birds if he was so inclined. He needs a good woman to keep him in line. I am sure Irene would crack the whip on him and make him pick up groceries and take out the trash.

ancientsgate · June 28, 2012 10:44 pm

Sentimental Pulse wrote:
...Sherlock spends a fair bit of time laying about waiting for cases to emerge. Surely he could venture out to meet some birds if he was so inclined. He needs a good woman to keep him in line. I am sure Irene would crack the whip on him and make him pick up groceries and take out the trash.

He needs some "bird" and a whip cracking around his head like he needs.....another head. It's soooo much easier to, um, take care of himself himself, if you get my drift. He doesn't want to be kept in line! He wants to be free, to think, to brood, to sulk, to work, to race around the city, all in turns. Mrs. Hudson and John see to him, keep him fed and give him some human companionship, and that's probably all he can stand for others interfering with his wants, needs, foibles, and eccentricities. IMO no "good woman" would put up with his acting like such an arse for more than a day and a half. The sex could NEVER be that good, lol.

VivaCohen · June 29, 2012 1:01 am

deerstalker wrote:
In Sherlock's case, though, intellect predominates to such a degree that the calculation of trouble and distraction that is a relationship makes it not worth it in his system of values.

This.

Long answer: I don't think that A) if he can't even keep someone around long enough to share a flat with him, let alone keep a friend around until John, that he would be able to keep someone around long enough to enter into a relationship with them and B) I can actually imagine him going through his entire life up until now not even thinking about the idea of having a relationship. He's entirely focused on ("married") to his work. I doubt he ever really thought about it until Irene Adler kind of started pushing herself on him, and even then I think he was only intrigued by her, as opposed to attracted to her. I don't think this makes him asexual at all. Maybe he hasn't even thought too much about his sexuality.

I don't think he would be totally straight though because technically no one really is, studies show. And I think he would probably know about those studies and decide that, scientifically, he must be somewhere in between straight and gay, but never cared enough to put too much thought into it. Or have I thought about this too much?

Short answer: no, I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend lol

The Doctor · June 29, 2012 9:04 am

"I think he would probably know about those studies and decide that, scientifically, he must be somewhere in between straight and gay, but never cared enough to put too much thought into it. "

Speaking from a medical as well as scientific point of view, as well as my personal opinion - I so agree! Well put!

221B Baker Street · June 29, 2012 1:20 pm

Well, I agree with those who say he doesn't care much weather he's straight or gay. Even the fact that he never disclaims the words of other people implying he and John be a couple make me think that he doesn't care a damn about other people's opinion or that he doesn't know his actual belonging to a certain sex-category.
All his behaviour says 'I don't know anything about men-women relations and I'm not interested in that'. So I think he has never had sex with anyone. Perhaps he tried once or twice to date someone but it was unbearable to her and ended too fast or it was he who was bored))).

Davina · June 29, 2012 6:51 pm

The impression given at several times during both series is that Sherlock observes relationships somewhat in the way of an anthropologist viewing other cultures and societies.

He says that he has no interest in who is sleeping with whom as covered in the press; if he had he might have known who Irene Adler was.

In The Blind Banker Sebastian tells John, in front of Sherlock, that they all hated him at University because he had this 'trick' of telling them who was sleeping with whom; Sherlock's only objection to this comment is that this is not a 'trick' but that he merely observed and made deductions. Clearly with no understanding of the social constructs that go along with these situations.

When Mycroft accuses him of being scared of sex his retort is that he is not scared of it. Inexperienced, disinterested, slightly baffled and certainly not willing to let any such nonsense interrupt his work perhaps, after all his work is what he declares himself to be married to.

Sherlock Holmes · June 29, 2012 11:07 pm

In Jeremy Brett's Sign of Four there's this cool little moment at the end where Holmes is all crashed out in bed after solving the case and Watson is getting quite excited about Mary saying how beautiful she was and Holmes replies "Was she? I didn't notice..." And for me that sums it up pretty well...he just doesn't notice things like that.

Davina · June 30, 2012 7:51 am

Beauty is an artificial, societal construct any way. Sherlock would know that.

Morton · July 24, 2012 11:39 pm

Sherlock Holmes wrote:
Yeah I definitley think he's still a virgin and I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend...

I do wonder whether he's ever even kissed anyone though....

I agree too, still a virgin and I don't think he's ever dated a girlfriend or boyfriend. Avoiding the term 'had'

Only kissed Mrs Hudson platonically I think and I'd have to check that to be certain.

Clearly he know what happens, the mechanics and the chemicals involved but theory isn't the same as practice.

ancientsgate · July 25, 2012 12:27 am

Mycroft called him a virgin, but I thought that was just him being a wise-ass (it runs in the family). After all, Sherlock called Mycroft a queen, too, are to infer that Mycroft must then be gay? Those two aren't exactly on the same wavelength-- I imagine they call each other names all the time, like a couple of perpetual kids. We have no evidence that Sherlock is inexperienced sexually, at least in this BBC incarnation of the Sherlock 'verse. He's currently unattached, but that's not at all surprising, given his sociopathic tendencies. But for all we know, he pays for sex-- men can and do do that all the time, after all. ???

Last edited by ancientsgate (July 25, 2012 12:29 am)

The Doctor · July 25, 2012 2:26 am

I would believe him to be asexual as a sexual orientation, but also believe he has had sexual experiences. Most likely with a female person..

ancientsgate · July 25, 2012 5:45 am

The Doctor wrote:
I would believe him to be asexual as a sexual orientation, but also believe he has had sexual experiences. Most likely with a female person..

He seemed interested....that way.... with Irene, but I never could figure out if it was the sex that got him all riled up or the intriguing idea of getting it on with someone on his intellectual wavelength.

There are a couple of things in the show that they've had Sherlock do that just do not sit well with me. One is the whole Irene thing, mostly because she was a criminal, a professional sex worker, and available to the highest bidder. IMO totally amoral. I do not see Sherlock as amoral. He may have chosen to be asexual (or perhaps he was born with that orientation-- I don't know the psychology behind that), but I don't see him as amoral or for sale in any way. (John's always relieved to see some money come in, but I suspect it's because he's the only one who checks the mail and sees the FINAL NOTICE bills come in!) And the other thing that bothered me was Sherlock-about-to-take-that-pill from the taxi driver-- if John hadn't killed the guy, I wonder, was Sherlock really going to take a chance with his life, just for a hoot, because he's bored? That, to me, is stupid, not sociopathic. ???? Again, the psychology is lost on me. If he's truly that bored, maybe he should find someone to f***.

And what started this long post was your statement that if he does have experience, most likely it was with a female person. Why? Because of Irene? If TV dramas were different, if they weren't so scared of offending someone, I could absolutely have seen the Irene character played by a guy. Why not? I realize original canon had Irene as a woman, but in 1880 or whenever it was, there were no gay storylines or characters in popular literature. Hey, it's 2012!

Sherlockita · July 25, 2012 5:52 am

He must've.. probably in school.. He has strong opinions about women..likes to stay away from them.. so there must be some solid reason for that.. I think he's had a past.. maybe no sexual relationship...but jst a school/college crush or a gf..