BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Free Rants

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 19, 2017 11:30 pm

I'm still at my friend's place... the surgery went perfectly and I'm so relieved. But she's a little emotional and asked me to stay till tomorrow.

And I'm happy I was there, actually. We were told to show up 3 hours before the surgery and only half an hour before did she talked to a nurse and some doctors before they took her away.

My friend was incredibly nervous by then but I had to tell the doctors that... apparently that meant they were extra sweet in surgery according to her.

All in all the people we did meet were lovely... but having to call for a nurse etc. When she got sick just took ages and ages.

I don't blame the staff though. I think there was only one nurse on the ward!

It brought some bad memories back too, sadly. I was reminded of that time I was rushed to the hospitals with cramps and pains in my chest (what turned out to be a psychosomatic condition brought on by severe stress) but I didn't know that at the time and I was so scared. They left me in a room for 5 hours before someone even looked at me

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (January 19, 2017 11:31 pm)

Whisky · January 20, 2017 4:45 pm

People shouting on the bus just because the driver didn't open the door fast enough. Why can't they be nice to each other?

I do hate depression. I really really really do!!! I'm exhausted, and sick of feeling this way. Sick of fighting all the time. How do people do this I am also so sick of people not realising what it means. I would gladly trade a leg if I would never have to feel this way again. I feel like I want to curl up in a corner with other people who are such affected, just because they actually get it. Another friend saying "oh, I also don't feel sooo well today" and I will smash things

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 20, 2017 5:37 pm

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, Whisky. Depression is no joke, I know that. I hope you have some help?

I wish I could wave a magic wand and erase mental health issues from the map for everyone... it's such a scary thing to deal with. I mean, image... you are fighting with your own head daily. And the only people who 'get it' are suffering too.

My best friend and I share some of our struggles, and as we often repeat "I wish you didn't understand"

But I know this sounds like it's easy to say... but know one thing. The fact that you got up this morning is amazing. The fact that you are breathing. The fact that you are writing this message is awesome. It means you are fighting this fight. Bad days are okay. Bad weeks are okay. But look at you, you didn't give up yet.

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (January 20, 2017 5:44 pm)

Whisky · January 20, 2017 6:13 pm

Thank you, Phantom, for your kind words. Actually, it is really nice to hear someone say: congratulations, you got up today.

I know that feeling of "I wish you didn't understand". It's not like I want my friends to feel the same so they could understand properly. But at the same time, not being understood also hurts. Empathy can do the trick as well, but I feel so many people are stuck in their own fights and stress, it is hard to show empathy nowadays.

Ah, giving up... that's not on. There will be Sherlock in the future!! (Well, maybe. Hopefully!) But there is also Dr. Who. Or Cadbury Chocolate, or... whatever. There is always something Takes some life experience to fall in love with the smallest things <3 But works every time for me.

Ok, enough of that. I'm waving that magic wand with you!

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 20, 2017 6:22 pm

You're right about that! The smallest things are important to remember. Sherlock is a big part of what keeps me going when things are darkest. Sherlock and Doctor Who, Benedict... and my Japanese treats!

We do live in a 'me me me' age. And I know I can be guilty of that too... and sometimes people might think they do a good thing by ignoring it and laughing it away.

One thing to do with the people closest to you, could be to explain to them how you feel and what you go through. Some people think they know; and act on false information.

I'm not good at communicating to people around me how I feel. Everyone knows me as the smiling woman who always helps everyone else and always have a joke up her sleeve. But sometimes you get too good at acting.

*waves wands and sonic screwdrivers*

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 23, 2017 9:12 pm

Not the deepest rant here...

But I'm getting so impatient about my box of Japanese treats from Tokyo. It's a whole month late now! So far I've gotten all of my boxes have arrived sharply... even the one where the soda had exploded and completely destroyed the box I somehow miraculously got all of the content of the box (including the soda). I really could have used the box today...

And next month's is reserved for an anime marathon with my best friend... the one that should be arriving one of these days.

I know it's a lot to expect... just my worst fear is that customs took it, and because of a mix-up I never got the letter. There's been so many problems with our national postal service since we changed provider some months ago.
If I haven't received such a letter, and therefor haven't been able to reply in time, they will have sent it back to the sender... all the way to Tokyo... or worse, destroyed it!

I live a 'little life' with few pleasures... that box is pretty important to me.

ewige · January 23, 2017 9:35 pm

Aw, Phantom... I feel your pain. Three out of five boxes with Austrian treats are overdue too. And I shipped them on Dec, 4!
I think there's nothing wrong with our packages or the postal services, maybe they just had a few busy weeks around the holidays. Inexpensive packages are waved thru anyway so I wouldn't worry about the customs too much.

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 23, 2017 10:03 pm

Yeah, the holidays does seem to delay stuff

Customs has picked up 90% of my boxes of Japanese treats... so it's a bit too likely...

Yitzock · January 24, 2017 2:46 am

I don't know why they would think snacks shouldn't get to you, but that sounds very frustrating.

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 24, 2017 8:10 am

It's a price issues, packages from abroad above a certain value get picked up and you have to pay tax of it, which in a way I guess is fair... (sadly the postal service adds a ridiculous fee to that; which is just stupid)

ewige · January 24, 2017 10:26 am

You might want to read up on the customs regulations. Goods that are obviously for private use need to excess quite a high value here (150 EUR per addressee per month) to become subject to customs fees. Booze, tobacco and perfume have their own import fees, tho.

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 24, 2017 11:02 am

The rules here are different, sadly... anything with a value over £8 is in risk of being taxed if customs picks it up... unless it's a gift, then the value can be up to £30.

So yeah... it's some kind of 'protection of the national market' thing, they don't like it when you buy cheaper stuff abroad. Especially not from Asian countries

ewige · January 24, 2017 11:16 am

Eek! I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you can have a friend ship you stuff as a gift?
Or maybe there are other ways to procure what you need? What does your local Japanese community do? (I'm wondering because I can get almost all typically Russian foodstuffs from ethnic stores nearby and I'm not even living in Vienna... Japanese stuff may be more exotic, tho!)

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 24, 2017 12:52 pm

so far it's gone well, despite the customs thing, but it's random... my friend got most of her boxes from the same company without it being picked up... I'll see how the next 3 goes, if it doesn't, then I might cancel my subscription (I pay 3 months in advance). The makeup and the 'stuff' box I get from the same company get through fine...

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 25, 2017 8:39 pm

Okay... I'm not really okay... in fact I've been falling apart all day.

My Birthday is a month away... but it's already causing trouble. I've been smart and invited my best friend on the day because I know I'm better off not being alone... and it was an easy way to tell my family I couldn't be with them on the day (trust me, I couldn't handle that...)

But my mum brought it up today... My Birthday has always been a good excuse for her to see her friends and gather our tiny family. Usually I'm pretty sure they wouldn't notice if I wasn't there... but that aside...
I hate my Birthday for a million reasons. My former 'friends' didn't even know the date... my current does thanks to Facebook but I've never held a Birthday party... My best friend is coming to watch Doctor Strange with me... last year we had a Benedict marathon.

My mum thinks it's a natural fact that her friends are still coming to my Birthday party at her place... and I have no say. Even the man whose son hurt me when I was a little girl; who my mum caught in the act... His father isn't a bad man, he's pretty nice... but I can't stand to look at him, and I can't bear the fear of the son being mentioned.

And earlier today my mum texted me to tell me she successfully invited both of them, and they could both make the date 'we' set. And then she joked that I should be happy because that meant more presents for me... making me sound like that was the only reason to have a Birthday.

Okay. In fact it's the only consolidation. But you know what? Last year I gave away all the things that man gave me. I couldn't bear having it in my home.

You wouldn't think it was my 27th Birthday...

Yeah... I'm a mess tonight. My mental health isn't the best in the world already... and right now I'm pretty out of it.

I think I'll try to calm down with a huge cup of tea and my Third Star DVD... since there's no subtitles I'll have to concentrate extra hard on that...

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (January 25, 2017 8:44 pm)

Lis · January 25, 2017 8:48 pm

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time

It's your birthday, you should spend it how you want to!

Enjoy your tea and Third Star...actually, that sounds like a good idea, I might pop the kettle and a DVD on myself!

Hang in there!

This Is The Phantom Lady · January 30, 2017 5:46 pm

This keeps getting 'better and better'... *insert sarcasm here*

Today my boyfriend told me he'd be away and out of reach the entire week around my Birthday.
He asked me if I would be mad at him... and I said no... I'm not mad. What I didn't tell him is that it hurts...
It's not his fault, and I won't hold it against him. His family is having a vacation together. He, unlike me, has an awesome close family. He deserves the time off too... and I don't want to get in between. Family is important, if you have one that's worth it.

But selfishly... I'm going to need him. And he won't be there.

I just started to fear that my best friend couldn't come, either... She got a job, and I'm so happy for her! But my first thought was that now she couldn't come and spend the day with me... she's so sweet though and she will still come and be there with me.

But yeah... I had kind of hoped my boyfriend would have been there for me. He has an awesome calming effect on me when I get in a state

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 5, 2017 6:26 pm

Today, and the coming days can go to hell for all I care right now.

My mental health is a mess, it's been off kelter more than usually lately, and I know it's not going to get much better. But I'm fighting an already lost battle, all alone. My family don't really want to understand... (or admit that there's a reason I am this way).

But at the same time, I'm still the only 'grown up'... it's me they run to with anything... they put it all on me and expect me to fix everything and be on top.

It's not that I don't want to... and I sort of offered it myself... but both my mum and my aunt could just as well go with my mum's aunt to the hospital tomorrow... but yeah. Of course I'll go and support her. She, and all of us are a bit scared she's now having trouble with her second leg and fearing that she'll end up in a wheelchair now.
Problem is, it's at the hospital where I worked... where one co-worker bullied me pretty bad, and another spent most of her working hours on sabotaging my work... the latter person go caught and fired... but the bully still works there, too...

And I still don't know how to cope with something else, my mum told me... not only is yet another member of our family sick with cancer, his last surgery went badly. If he doesn't survive we're nearing two thirds of the family dead over a period of 10 years.

Oh, and I started the day waking up crying... I had a horrible dream about my boyfriend being dead... one of those that feels way too real.

The real problem is that I feel I have to be there for everyone, I have to 'be' everything... while no one are there to catch me. I'm not as strong as they all build me up to be

This Is The Phantom Lady · February 21, 2017 7:21 pm

I have now lost over two thirds of my family to cancer.

I'm really sorry for his closer family, especially his teenage grandkids. They were just getting through the worst of the grief after their grandmother...

Yitzock · February 21, 2017 11:59 pm

That's really too bad... I hope one day nobody has to die from it.