Turns out my boyfriend was sick... he's back, and better... 



This is not really a rant... but it's more of a WTF moment for me. I have just realized one of my ex boyfriends is turning 60 this year. 5 years ago when we together and I was 21 this didn't seem like such a big deal. But. Wow. 

The weird thing is that if I had a daughter that age I think I'd be horrified... ah well. At least my boyfriend is only 6 years older than me... and the funny thing is that it's the exact same age gap as my grandparents and great grandparents... I realized that at the cemetery a while back... 


And I've got another rant... I am in group therapy and one of the therapists is p*ssing me off really bad... (Have I complained about this before??) She talks in the same way you'd talk to a little child, even cooing and what not... 'yeah... yeah... aaw'. 

I sometimes have to pinch myself to not tell her to shut up. It's really not helping... and today I struggled even more, I only had an hour of sleep behind me and had managed to skip breakfast because I was getting late... I was about to pack my stuff and leave 

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (July 6, 2016 8:40 pm)

I was nearly hit by a car!

And the reason why is making me so damn angry! 

I was about to cross the road, waiting for the light to turn green and heard an ambulance rushing towards, so I waited to cross before the moment it passed... 

Well, my light was still green but some idiot had no patience, and drove anyway... only stopping 5cm before he hit me. 

How much of a friggin' hurry do you have to be in??? 

Gah! that happened to me too some years ago, me being the pedestrian crossing... I had to jump not to get hit... a line of cars were waiting for pedestrians to cross, and someone decided they didn't have time to wait. 

Yup! I have photographic memory but apparently that doesn't work when I've had a fright. Blast! 

Pedestrians here.

Oh, I've got another small rant to let out... 

My mum has really pissed me off... she tries to care about my mental health (which is a cosmic joke in itself...)

Well, Tuesday my friend was having a bad night (some trouble with her boyfriend mixed with her own mental illness) and I begged her to come to my place and spend the night so we could talk and I could pamper her a bit... (and watch Sherlock. It's what I always do myself when I am down)... well, I briefly texted about it to my mum so she would know not to call me and why... 

My mum's reply reminded me of how little my mum understands and care about human emotions "Oh poor you, you don't get a moments peace"

I refused to reply to that. 
 

I know I shouldn't allow this... but one online idiot's ignorance pissed me off proper. 

Probably my own fault too. Trying to share something positive on a facebook page, I forgot about idiots.

On the plus side a lot of people stood up for me and tried to educate him... and the idiot hasn't said anything in reply. It actually feels like a small love storm. 



A Pokemon page made a post defending the game and it's positive side effects, including for people with anxiety and others who struggled to get outside. I made a statement supporting it, with my experience... that I've got severe anxiety, social anxiety and PTSD symptoms... and how I had done pretty well since the game came out to go for trips and stuff (because the game keeps me distracted... though not so distracted that I am not noticing traffic etc...)

Promptly came the reply " I think you're just making excuses. If Pokemon can get you out then you can get out for other things."

Which, yeah, that's the last thing you need to hear. 

But it's awesome to see all the positive comments after that, of support etc. 

I should have known better I know. But then again, since there's still idiots out there I suppose awareness is needed. 


 

Last edited by This Is The Phantom Lady (July 22, 2016 4:20 pm)

Yeah, his silence shows a lot. But it's actually awesome to see how many have shown support just because of one bad comment... it's about 30 comments and 170 likes so far... not that I'm one of those 'like hunters'... but yeah, it's good to see decent people too. 


However, I HATE today. 

I had a panic attack earlier... 

And why? 

3 'Dudes' in matching white wife-beaters and board shorts and ugly haircuts were walking ahead of me when I had been shopping (and on a poke-walk). They passed a young woman in a running outfit waiting to cross the road... and decided it was cool to slap her behind. She got so shocked she almost ran into a kid on a bike. I got so pissed, but I was too scared to react. 

I walked slower on purpose to avoid getting too close, or even have to pass those guys... and several times they stopped and sent me looks and laughed. 

It's triggered my PTSD so bad. I just froze... and when I came home I started crying and shaking. And at the same time I'm so angry on that girl's behalf. 


Oh, and the kicker? They disappeared into the building I live in. Guess who now has to fight anxiety to leave my flat again??  

Some guys need to learn a valuable lesson. I wish I had been more like my best friend, she would have slapped them! 

Sadly I've gone into 'lockdown' mode... I've got no idea how long it will last (hoping it won't last too long, I'm almost out of toilet paper!)... it's so darn annoying. 
I'm in therapy for my anxiety, and later we'll work on the trauma... but my therapist is on holiday... and I can't reach my boyfriend before Monday... 

The annoying thing is that logically I can see it's silly to lock myself in my flat... but my anxiety and PTSD has it's logic too... If I don't leave, no one can hurt me.