BBC Sherlock Fan Forum - Serving Sherlockians since February 2012 » Does anyone on this site suffer from depression?

Dramagod · July 9, 2012 7:04 pm

Davina wrote:
Have you ever watched 'Good Will Hunting'?

Great film.

Mattlocked · July 9, 2012 7:05 pm

Dramagod wrote:
Davina wrote:
Have you ever watched 'Good Will Hunting'?

Great film.

Okayyy... so it WAS another mistake... Thank you, Drama.

Davina · July 9, 2012 7:18 pm

Not a mistake at all! But it does deal with the 'it's all my fault' especially when this has been the case since someone was a small child. It is a very, very poignant and difficult, but also important, film.

Mattlocked · July 9, 2012 7:19 pm

Still sounds, as if it WAS a mistake. Fortunately one I can correct easily.

SusiGo · July 9, 2012 7:20 pm

I guess I already mentioned that my mother and brother are depressive. My brother by now copes quite well also he leads a somewhat reduced life that many people wouldn' t like (small flat, little money, no relationship) but I think he's quite satisfied.
As for my mother it's very difficult for me that she seems to have resigned after so many years. When I'm with daughter I remember how much fun my mother and I used to have and get sad. For me it's been very hard to accept that I cannot help her. I've tried by listening and talking but in the end I am helpless. She's tried therapy and medication but nothing really helped. Sometimes I think - and I know it may sound hard - that she somehow needs the illness in order to suppress other deeper things she doesn't want to confront. Well, she's 74 by and she could do wonderful things with her life but I fear she will not be able to overcome her fears. Whenever I try to get her from her flat (where she's living with my father) she shirks my proposals like visiting a museum or do some shopping, whatever. She always has an excuse but of course I know that she's afraid of going out, meeting people, etc.
I'm interested in Buddhism and found the following serenity prayer quite helpful which if not from Buddhism but expresses a sort of Buddhist spirit:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

I'm trying to apply this to my mother and it sometimes actually helps.

Mattlocked · July 9, 2012 7:30 pm

I know that prayer and I know that it is right.
And probably you do all your best to help your mother. But, if it is a real sickness, nobody can really help.
Compared with my fear to fly, or my panic in small rooms. I know that nothing will happen to me, but................................
And then age - you can't change a person aged 74, or very little maybe; I have the same experience with my mum.
Or with me - and I am "only" 44

carrot · July 10, 2012 4:03 pm

SusiGo wrote:
I'm interested in Buddhism and found the following serenity prayer quite helpful which if not from Buddhism but expresses a sort of Buddhist spirit:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

As far as I know, this prayer is from the Alcoholics Anonymus. Even though I'm neither an alcoholic nor a religious person, I often say this to myself. Don't know why but it makes things less meaningful and important (I have an affinity to rumination) and helps me "to come down" ...

SusiGo · July 10, 2012 4:44 pm

The prayer is used by AA but it was written by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (says Wikipedia). But whoever wrote it, it is very true and can help to see things more clearly.

Mattlocked · July 10, 2012 4:52 pm

It doesn't really help me, though. Because there are many things I think I could change. But I don't. And then I put myself under pressure because I should change. And so on and so on....
(Anyone who understands? )

Davina · July 10, 2012 9:22 pm

Maybe you are thinking of trying to change too many things at one time. This is impossible for ANYONE to do. It is not achievable by ANYONE. The only way of making a change is to make a change, singular, not trying to make loads of changes all at one time. Too much...too stressful.

Maybe choose one thing you would like to change. Not a big thing, just a small thing. An easily achievable thing. Write that thing down. Then have a think about how you can start to work towards that one small thing. What are the small steps towards achieving that one smalll thing. Have a think about how long would be long enough to achieve that one small thing. Decide to start towards that one small thing at a suitable time...tomorrow? When you have achieved that one small thing, reward yourself. That reward can be decided before you even begin to change the one small thing.

Hopefully you will have managed to make the small, itsy-bitsy change. Maintain that change for a while. Then choose another change, maybe something a bit more challenging and follow the same process.

Wholocked · July 10, 2012 11:53 pm

Yup. Wise words from Davina - it's all about taking small steps in the right direction and not beating yourself up too much if you step off the path

hepzibah · July 24, 2012 6:30 am

Even the best people suffer from it. Bruce is my former future husband, I knew we would have plenty in common!

http://music.yahoo.com/blogs/stop-the-presses/bruce-springsteen-blues-boss-reveals-battles-severe-depression-190620468.html

ukaunz · May 16, 2015 9:56 am

Hi, I know this is an old thread, but I thought I might give it a bump.

I don't think I'm depressed, I'm just unhappy with myself. Low self-esteem, no real joy in life, hopelessness, no motivation to do anything about it. I don't go around crying all the time because I am good at not thinking about it too much. I can distract myself with books or Sherlock or movies or the Internet. I can actually put up quite a cheerful facade. I have no friends, just the other parents at my kids' school who I chit chat with and then I run out of things to say. I'm supposed to be getting a job now that my kids are both at school, but I don't think I can do it. I'm worried that my outlook on life is going to affect my kids. It has already severely affected my marriage, I don't even know how my husband puts up with me.

I think I am "dysthymic" but I haven't been to a doctor about it, I just googled the symptoms.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dysthymia/basics/definition/con-20033879

This is what it feels like.

Although my mood probably follows the neutral line more closely.

Last edited by ukaunz (May 16, 2015 10:09 am)

Whisky · May 16, 2015 11:41 am

@ukaunz: I know that feeling of being unhappy with myself. But I think if you find out what you're unhappy about, you can change sth. Distraction is just a short-time solution... even if it's a nice one like Sherlock ;-) I really hope you can find some loose end and start changing sth, to be happier again! It's worth it! *sending you big waves of motivation* Even little steps are a way forward :-)

Interesting thread, haven't seen it before. I'm not one to discuss very personal things in public (and a forum still feels public to me), but I'm among the lot who has had several depressive episodes, lots of therapy and tasty little antidepressive pills to eat for years. Yeah :-)

What I want to share is my experience that
a) depression isn't an everlasting state of mind if you work on it and accept help
b) that each time I was depressed I thought I would never experience joy again and life would never be worth it again: but each time I came out of an depressive episode, life was beautiful again. So I keep telling myself: never give up, keep going, even if it's a slow progress - and get help to work out what's wrong. It is hard work, but I've found that coming out of depression can make you both strong and sometimes even more content than you have been before (valuing many things much more, while giving a s*** about stuff that isn't really important).
c) I think, if you're stuck in a place you don't want to be, try to get out of there. I think many people believe they can't, but that's mostly the lack of energy... I think depression is basically a lazy, energy eating monster. Don't let it steal your dreams, motivation and joy - fight it, even if it takes a long way to win :-)

Apart from that, I know a bunch of people who suffered from depression, and most of them are friendly, kind, positive, motivated and strong... it's just the illness that took that away from them. It makes me sad to see this happen to so many people nowadays. I wish people would realise that it's not only personal bad fate that makes so many people fall ill, but that it also reflects on our society. I still encounter people who tell me it's my own fault if I'm depressed. I think it's nobodys fault at all if challenges of life are beyond s.o. strengths, be it loneliness, loss, job, familiy, ...

Okay, I've been talking to much again, but this topic makes me very emotional.

Yitzock · May 16, 2015 3:19 pm

I'm not going to say much, because it's not my place to say much more than this:
I don't have depression, but I do have some anxiety. I know they're not the same thing, so I'm not going to say that my experience is the same yours because I know it's not, but I think one thing that is the same is that you can takes one small step at a time to be better, even though it may never go away. I'm sure depression is much more difficult than anything I've ever had to deal with, but I slowly have been able to make one step at a time to managing it better. And I think you can, too, even if it takes time.
But whatever you do, know that it's not your fault, nor is it a character flaw or a sign of weakness. It does not define you, you are still valuable.
And if you do decide to get help, then that's fine, you shouldn't be ashamed of that, or whatever you choose to do.
Best wishes.

Last edited by Yitzock (May 16, 2015 3:20 pm)

This Is The Phantom Lady · May 16, 2015 3:43 pm

I am sorry to hear you're struggling Ukaunz. Ugh.

Whiskey has some great points, especially point C.!

Don't be afraid to ask for help; therapy can help you a lot to 'get out of the rot'... and you're worth feeling a lot better than you seem to be at the moment.

I have personally struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was around 9. Only recently I've been seeking help.

I saw a therapist when I was 21, both with one-on-one sessions and group therapy. The group therapy was done a bit like classes in the human brain and why you do and act certain ways. It helped me a lot... but sadly during the one-on-one sessions I never opened up about the real reasons why I was there. I even managed to fake a recovery...

Since last year when some stuff that happened made my depression get really bad again I've wanted to ask for help for so long. (Mostly because I have a boyfriend now who actually gives a damn about what happens to me...) But I haven't felt comfortable talking to my previous doctor about stuff like that.

It's so easy to think that you're not worth it, that you don't deserve help, or that there's others who need it more than you...

A few weeks ago I saw my new doctor about a rash on my leg, such a sweet and welcoming young woman, just before I left I managed to ask her if she could help me get some real help for my issues.

Depression is to me like a big black pit with slimey arms that want to pull you down at any chance it gets... but it's a battle I need to fight... if not for me, then for my guy.

In my case it comes with severe anxiety... both general and panic... all in a lovely vicious circle, it all leads to loss of sleep which worsens all my symptoms and my risk of harming myself...

I can still get excited about things, having severe fan girling moments, but it's always shortly after met with a low and the fear that it will be taken away from me.

I know as a kid if there was something my mother found out I loved or made me happy, she would take it away or destroy it to enforce her control over me.
Every day I expect my boyfriend to leave me. The more I love him the worse it gets...

To the outside world I am a smiling happy girl. If I bang my toe in public I'll just smile and laugh it off... I am actually good at being social and pretend to like people...
My best friend always tells me she would like to see me angry some day. We've known each other since 2007.

I've been rambling again...

My main point was supposed to be to not be afraid to get help, and that you're always worth much more than you feel. You deserve to be okay.

(Ugh this reminds me... the doctor gave me some 'homework' for my Monday appointment... to write down 5 points about what's wrong with me...)

ukaunz · May 18, 2015 9:13 am

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies and kind advice. I feel a bit embarrassed now, I don't know why I spilled my guts here. I guess I am in need of someone to talk to, but obviously the internet is not ideal At least you guys have been sympathetic/empathetic. I'm going to do a bit of thinking about what I can change. I know one thing I should be doing is exercise, which improves my mood, so I might start with that.

Phantom Lady, what does the doctor want you to do with your list? If I had to write down what I thought was wrong with me, I wouldn't be able to stop at 5

This Is The Phantom Lady · May 18, 2015 12:03 pm

ukaunz, excersise is a great way to treat yourself, the endorphin release is great! Try to find the motivation there. Try not to let yourself fall too deep!

I never got to write the list, and luckily my doctor never got to it at the appointment today... but I think her idea was to find out what is my biggest problems that can be worked with... but like you say, 5 points is way too few...

Today she gave me a new task, and I think this is a really good one. The writer in me really likes it.

She asked me to write down my thoughts when I start to have all of my 'ugh, you're stupid. you're fat, you always make mistakes!!'

She used the last sentence as an example.

"I always make mistakes" ... What is wrong with that sentence? 'Always'.

How much do you logically believe in that sentence? how many percent?

Try to come with a sentence you believe in more... i.e. "I sometimes make mistakes"... how many percent do you believe that?

try to come with one you believe in even more "I sometimes make little mistakes, but everyone does"... how much do you believe that?

Whisky · May 18, 2015 2:27 pm

Exercise - yes, absolutely! It's good to occupy the mind, gives lovely endorphine kicks - and depending on the sport you chose, you have a nice bunch of people to look forward to meet each week :-) When I started dancing, I went there mainly to have sth to do and to get my mind off things... now it's the one thing I look forward to the most each week!

@phantom: I do these little tasks as well, and I find them very helpful. A depressed mind is so successful in damaging self-esteem and self-respect. It makes me happy when I catch such a destructive thought (often I don't realise them immediatly), and can turn it around to something more accurate, something more appreciative :-) And then, like you, I challenge myself to actually believe it and let it be true... which is still the hardest part.

Last edited by Whisky (May 18, 2015 2:30 pm)